


A thing of fiction can be a dangerous thing

by Dingobaby



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angels are Dicks (Supernatural), Angry Castiel (Supernatural), Angst, Bee-Lover Castiel (Supernatural), Bisexuality, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Canon - Musical, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Dorks, Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Complete, Cute Jack Kline, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester in Denial About Sexuality, Dean Winchester is Not Amused, Dean Winchester is Scarred for Life, Enochian-Speaking Castiel (Supernatural), Episode: s10e05 Fan Fiction, Eventual Smut, Everyone Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, F/F, Fanfiction, First Kiss, Fluff and Crack, Gay Chicken, Guilty Dean Winchester, Jack being Jack, Leviathans, M/M, Mary Ships It, Misunderstandings, My First Smut, Nervous Dean Winchester, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Dean Winchester, Pain, Post-Episode: s14e13 Lebanon, Rutting, Sad Castiel, Sad Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester is a Little Shit, Scary Castiel, Shipping, Slow Burn, Tags Are Hard, The Empty (Supernatural), There's A Tag For That, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-01 06:04:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 46,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17861726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dingobaby/pseuds/Dingobaby
Summary: Dean finds that cases( along with irritating his best friend) have been a useful distraction when it comes to dealing with the Archangel currently residing in his head so TFW has been taking any case they can get. After a disappointing salt and burn in Michigan, the boys run into someone from a past case. Dean could have swore they told Cas about one of the weirdest cases they had and can't remember for the life of him why they wouldn't have.That is, until 'Destiel' is mentioned.Finding the whole concept ( and Dean's obvious discomfort with the subject) hilarious Cas, with the help of Sam, use this Destiel thing to get back at Dean for being so obnoxious.But will it end in a truce between the friends...or will it open door ways to even more issues that neither of them considered?





	1. Don't you forget about me

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so first off I would like to say, to anyone who started reading my other story: I promise it is not abandoned! I got stuck and I'm not sure which dark road I want to take it down. I promise I'll get back to it! But in the meantime...
> 
> The show currently has me on edge with all this 'Every one could die (permanently) at any minute' mess so I decided to give myself something happy. like for instance an actual turning point in a certain 'friendship' that may or may not have been promised but never delivered....
> 
> I always wondered what Cas's reaction would be to learning about the musical and the concept of 'shipping' since they never seem to mention it in the show. So I sat down to write a happy little one shot( maybe even dabble in some smut for my first time ever) to explore just that...and it got away from me....like bad... I'm 6 chapters into this mess and nowhere near where I wanted to be with this story.....😶
> 
> So come along with me on this crazy train as we all watch my creative juices unravel into what is sure to be a hot mess of hilarious hijinks(and possible smut. Jury is still out on that one) and enjoy.

The fact that the case turned out to be nothing more than a simple salt and burn, left Dean feeling a little disappointed. He found that cases provided a nice distraction from the feathered dick bag ridding shot gun in his noggin, and he was kinda hoping this one would last a little longer. It was getting harder and harder to keep the Archangel at bay, but the longer, more complicated cases seemed to do the trick, for the time being. If he'd have known that this case was just a pissed off spirit of a middle class house wife who was cheated on, he would've at least let Jack come along. The little visit from his own dad made him realize how important it was to spend as much quality time with the kid as he could, before it was too late.

That's what he got for trusting the Apocashit World hunters to look for cases. Sure, they seemed to be coming into their own as hunters, but they didn't seem to be able to tell the difference between a demon and a demigod when it came to case searching. They made it seem like the whole state of Michigan was in danger, not just on tiny suburb in, yet another, cookie-cutter town. He had taken Sam and Cas for back up, but they all agreed it was best for Jack to stay with Mary if the case proved to much for him to handle. None of them were willing to put their psuedoson in harm's way in his weakened state. But a salt and burn....Jack could handle that in his sleep. 

Dean let out a frustrated sigh as he slammed the trunk of the Impala, after loading up the rest of their gear. It was only a matter of time before he would feel Michael beating against the door in his mind again. Only a matter of time before he had to accept the fact that his only option was to crawl in that awful box and chucked into the middle of the ocean. He knew all along that's what it was going to come down to, but he wasn't ready to deal with telling Sam and Cas that it was time. They had both made it VERY clear that they weren't going to accept that as an option.

He rounded the car and made his way to the driver's seat, Sam and Cas waiting in their usual spots. As he opened the door his stomach let out a massive growl. He realized that they hadn't had anything to east since yesterday morning before they got to town. He settled in his seat and shoved the keys into the ignition, looking between his brother and the angel as he spoke. 

"I don't know about you two, but I feel like I could eat a whole fucking elephant right about now. What d'ya say we snag a couple burgers or something before we head back home?"

"I could definitely go for a nice wrap or something," Sam agreed " I'm starving" 

Dean nodded his head and twisted around to face the angel. "What about you, Cas? Feel like choking down some molecules?"

Castiel rolled his eyes before settling them on the older hunter's "You know I don't eat, Dean."

"Excellent," Dean chuckled, getting the exact response from his friend as he wanted "so it's settled. I saw a decent looking hole in the wall a couple towns over when we were coming in. Let's go eat." 

****

As they drove into town Dean, couldn't help but feel a small sense of deja Vu. Something felt eerily familiar about this city, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He finally chalked it up as Flint being like every other Michigan town, as he pulled into the parking lot of the diner. The three men got out and made their way inside. They sat down in a booth next to the windows and started perusing the menus. After a minute Sam set down his menu and leaned across the table, prompting Dean and Cas to follow suit. "Does this place seem wierdly familiar to you guys?" He asked in a hushed tone " I don't know why, but I can't seem to shake the feeling we've been here before."

"No, I'm getting that too." Dean nodded "Cas?"

"Not really." Cas responds "This establishment is not any different than those you regularly frequent. Maybe it's a sign you need to change up your eating habits a bit."

"Yeah, yeah." Dean scoffed as he leaned back into his place beside the angel. " I didn't hear you complaining about our eating habits when you were scarfing down all our breakfast burritos while you were human, Mr. Perfect."

Cas responded with an annoyed huff and rolled his eyes back towards the window. Dean would be lying if he said he didn't love how easy it was to ruffle the guy's feathers lately. It wasn't so much that he enjoyed annoying Castiel. It was just that Dean knew that he only got annoyed because he cared. It was nice to have him care so much. It was one of the only things that kept him going lately.

"Good afternoon gentlemen, my name is Susie, what can I start you guys off with to drink." 

Dean was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the waitress's voice. He swore he had heard it before. 

"Oh my goodness, agents Smith and Smith!? Is that you?" 

Both brothers exchanged a worried look before turning to face the middle aged, robust woman beside the table.

"It is you!" Susie gleefully confirmed "I almost didn't recognize you without your uniforms! It's been what, four years now? I hope nothing too terrible has brought you up this way. though if the FBI is here I suppose it must be serious. You know I haven't even heard anything on the news...but then I suppose I don't pay that much attention to the news anyway..."

" Nothing like that," Dean said, cutting off her rambling. Somewhere in the back of his mind , a vague memory of the woman before him told him she wouldn't shut up unless he shut her up. "We were just passing through town, on our way back from another case and we just couldn't resist seeing your sweet face again." He gave Susie a wink causing her to flash her cigarette stained teeth and bat her eyes at him. 

"Still a charmer I see." She winked back " Well, I guess it's a relief that nothing is going on around here. I don't think this city could handle another scandal. Oop! did you hear me? I just rhymed. I guess I'm a poet and didn't know it. And I see you brought a friend with you this time. What's your name cutie?"

Castiel held out his hand and shook hers firmly " Nice to meet you. I'm agent Be...." Dean shoved his elbow into the angel's side to cut him off. He had to quit calling himself agent Beyonce.

"Agent B. I like it." she smiled letting go of his hand. "Very mysterious. Kinda like Men in Black. You know how they only have an initial. Very fitting for such a fine man as yourself. Well agents it's great to have you back in our humble little diner. Now what can I get you all to drink?"

" Coffee." the three of the said in unison. She gave them a nod and told them she'd have it out for them in a jiffy.

" You see!" Dean said triumphantly as he elbowed Cas's side again. "She recognized us! I told you we've been here before."

" Yeah, that's not really a good thing, Dean" Sam said in a hushed tone. "Remember the last time we were recognized? didn't really turn out great. I don't even remember what case it was. Why did we use the same name? Something doesn't feel right."

" It's fine Sammy," Dean replied. he was trying to track his brain for all the times he had used the name "Smith" but nothing too serious came to mind. " She seemed to like us, so whatever it was, we couldn't have caused too much damage."

"I don't know, Dean. I just....." 

Susie returned with their coffee and pulled out her notebook to take their orders. Dean ordered Himself and Cas two cheeseburgers with fries (one of the perks of having him around was getting twice as much food) while Sam ordered the Cesar salad. She walked off to put their orders and Sam leaned back over the table. " I think we just need to eat and get out of here as soon as possible. I don't want to draw any more attention."

It was just at that moment when they heard someone slam up against the window causing all if them to jump. " Oh. My. GOD! Sam? Dean?!" The voice was muffled through the glass but it's owner was screeching loud enough they heard the words clearly. And then everything clicked into place for them. Dean instantly wished they would've stopped somewhere else. ANYWHERE else. Not that he didn't like the girl....but...

"Is that...?" Sam began

"Marie." Dean gritted through his teeth.

" Oh my God, stay right there don't move!" Marie mimed through the window and ran towards the door.

" How did we forget about this case, Sam? Why did you let me stop here?"

"Oh c'mon Dean it wasn't that bad!"

"Musical, Sammy! Musical!"

Cas looked back and forth between the bickering brothers with a look of concern "I don't understand. What is going on?"

Marie slammed herself into the booth next to Sam and scooped the sasquatch into a massive hug. "Oh, my God! I never thought I'd see you guys again! This is so exciting." She let Sam go and reached across the table to grab Dean by the wrists and squeeze "How are you?! Wait!" She dropped Dean's hands and looked around the diner suspiciously "There's not a demon here or anything is there?" she asked, a little too loud.

" Dean," Cas leaned over towards the hunter, eyes focused on Marie " who is this woman? Why does she know your names? Who told her about demons?"

" This is Marie, Cas." Sam explained, scooting farther into the booth. "From the case with the muse." 

Cas shifted his gaze towards Sam with his signature head tilt and squint, obviously still confused.

" The musical, Cas!" Dean snapped  
Cas opened his mouth to say something back to Dean, but was interrupted.

" Wait, Cas?!" Marie squeaked " As in Castiel?! Angel of the Lord Castiel?!"

" Yes!" Dean said in a harsh whisper " Try to keep it down kid! We don't exactly wanna advertise that we have an angel hanging around, ya know." 

Marie shrunk down and lowered her voice to the same level as Dean's. "Right. Sorry! I just can't believe I'm sitting here with a real life angel!"  
"Is someone going to explain to me how this woman knows about every aspect of our lives or are we just going to leave me in the dark?" Cas growled, finger twitching at his sides ready to smite. 

"Chill, man!" Dean said grabbing Cas's arm to calm him. "We told you about this case. Marie here wrote a musical based off Chuck's books. Muse tried to eat her? Crazy purple goo? Remember?"

" No, Dean." the angel replied. "I don't 'remember' . And I have an impecible memory." 

"Huh, I guess we forgot." Dean shurgged. he couldn't imagine why they didn't tell him about one of the weirdest cases of their lives. "I was all drugged out on the First Blade at the time an you were off on your crusade with that Hannah chick, I guess it just slipped our minds." He gave Cas a reassuring pat on the back and turned back to see Marie staring at the two of them, mouth agape. Something about it made Dean incredibly uneasy. "What?"  
"I'm sorry, what?!" She screeched "I know it's like the most popular ship on the internet but I had no idea Destiel was actually a thing!"

"No!" Dean practically shouted, attracting the attention of a few patrons. There it was. Now he remembered why they never told Cas about this case. He made a point to scoot away from the curious Castiel and lowered his voice. "No. It's not a 'thing'! No 'thing'! you got that!"

"Mmmmhmm, sure..." Marie rolled her eyes then leaned close to Sam and spoke from the side of her mouth "subtext..." Sam had to stiffle a laugh.

"What is a 'Destiel'?" Cas inquired, with genuine curiosity.

Dean pointed a finger at Marie and Sam, speaking firmly to get his point across. "It's nothing! Not a thing! Never was, never is, never will be! Got it?!"

"Here you go, gentlemen." Susie said arriving with the food. "Oh, Hey Marie! How ya doing, hun? Can I get ya anything?"

" No, thanks Suz!" Marie giggled. "I'm not staying long. I was just passing by when I saw the agents here and I wanted to thank them again for all their help."

"Alright then, hun you have a nice day. You boys eat up now. Need all your strength to keep this country safe." They all nodded a "thanks" as she walked away. 

" You sure you can't stay, Marie?" Sam chuckled. "You've certainly made the last five minutes more interesting than this whole trip."

"As much as I would love to see Dean turn that shade of red again," Marie winked "I actually do have to get going. I have to go help set up for an engagement party and....wait! Oh my God! You guys should come!"

"Thanks," Sam said shaking his head, "but it'd be a little rude to show up to some stranger's big night, ya know...."

"Oh, but it's not strangers!" Marie smiled "It's Siobhan and Kristen! They would love to see you again! I bet it would make their night even better, considering you guys are a big reason they got together in the first place."

"Siobhan and Kristen?" Sam asked. "Like from the play? The girls who played Dean and Cas? They're getting married?" Dean wished he could slap that stupid smile right off his brother's face.  
" Yep." Mare said proudly. " They've been inseparable since day one." She then looked over to Dean with a michevious smile. "I guess you can say they drew inspiration from art." She winked.

"Alright, that's enough!" Dean said. " Great to see you kid! Sorry you can't stay. Have fun at your party tonight and have a great life or whatever." He took a bite of his burger and waved her off.

Marie laughed. She placed her hands on the table and laced them together. "Okay, okay I'm sorry. Please? Supernatural is their favorite series! It's what brought them together! It would mean the world to them if you came." She looked between the men with giant pleading eyes.

"Of course!" Sam spoke before Dean could. "We'd love to. It's always good to see the people we help living out their lives."

" Thank you!" Marie grabbed a napkin from the table and pulled a pen from her purse. " This is the address. It starts at seven." She looked and all three of them and smiled " What your wearing is perfect! I promise I won't tell anyone who doesn't know who you are. I'll say you're uncles or something. You have no idea how much this will mean to them!"

"Fine." Dean grunted "But no more of this 'Destiel' crap got it?" Cas opened his mouth to say something but Dean cut him off quick " I said it's nothing Cas! Drop it."

Cas settled back into the booth crossing his arms "You seem to bee awfully worked up over nothing, Dean."

Marie giggled and slid out of the booth " Thank you guys again. This is going to be amazing. I gotta go. Don't be late, okay?" 

Dean was eyeing her carefully as she made her way to the door, when he felt Cas nudging his shoulder. "Move, I have to get up."

"Where are you going?" Dean snapped

" I have to use the bathroom," Cas replied still nudging. "Move."

"Oh, sorry man!" Dean said, slipping out to give Cas room. "There ya go...wait....you don't use the bathroom!" 

"No. I don't." Cas said over his shoulder as he jogged towards the door behind Marie. He caught up with her just outside.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean scrambled across the booth to peer out the window and watch their exchange. It was like watching his worst nightmare unfold before him. Part of him wanted to run outside and drag the feathered ass hat back inside before he found anything out but he knew he wouldn't be fast enough. He wasn't that lucky. So instead he watched in horror as the scene played out in slow motion before him. He saw their mouths moving, and even though he couldn't hear the words he knew exactly what they were saying. He watched as Cas shoved his hands into the pockets of his stupid trench coat and tilt his stupid head at Marie's words. Then...was that a fucking smile? Is he laughing? He was! Cas's head had fallen back and the angel was actually full on cracking up! "Son of a bitch!" Cas placed his hand on Marie's shoulder to steady him self and shook his head. Dean couldn't watch anymore, so he slung himself back and picked his burger back up. "I swear, if Chuck wasn't God, I'd wring his neck!"

" Oh, c'mon Dean it isn't that bad!" Sam said , straining to hold back his own laughter. "It could be worse! At least he's laughing about it!"

"I hate this town." Dean grumbled before taking another bite of his burger.

"Yeah, yeah." Sam rolled his eyes. "He would've found out eventually you know. Chuck's books have gained a lot of popularity online and it's not like Marie and her friends invented the concept of 'shipping'. Remember Becky? Wincest?" Dean gagged around his food and set the last bite of his burger down, pushing the plate away. " Exactly," Sam said "it was only a matter of time before we came across another super fan that believed in 'casdean'. At least it was someone we know, someone who knows we're actual people and is willing to take that into consideration before writing some crazy inappropriate fanfic."

"There were robots Sam, in space!"

"That was before she knew about us. Besides, it could've been worse and you know it."

Dean rolled his eyes in response, then froze when he heard the bell announce the opening of the door.  
He kept his eyes focused in front of him, not willing to see the look on the angel's face. Cas slid into the booth next to Sam, eyes red rimmed and watery with a tiny hint of a smile on his face. 

"Hello, Dean."

Dean just stared at the angel in response. His face set in stone determination.

" I just had the most interesting conversation with young Marie outside." Cas's small smile turned into a full blown smirk.

"Oh, yeah?" Sam chuckled taking a sip of his coffee. "About what?"

" Oh, nothing I suppose. " Cas said pointedly. " I did ask her however, if there was anything she felt we should bring to the party tonight. I felt it was rude to arrive empty handed. She assured me that us being there would suffice." he chuckled. It was a sound neither of the brothers had heard since he was in the hospital and blew out the lights when he asked Dean to 'pull his finger'. The memory of it put Dean even more on edge. " I do feel however that it would be wise of us to check into a motel for the evening. The party won't be over until later, not to mention we should probably clean up before going. I know Marie said we look fine but I still feel like we should at least get the dirt and Ash off of ourselves before arriving to such a special event. Not to mention I should probably change. Seeing as these women are 'fans' of ours, I would hate to upstage them with my presence."

" That sounds like a good idea, Cas." Sam agreed. " I could definitely use a nice shower."

Dean took a steadying breath. He was grateful neither of the had mentioned the elephant in the room...yet...but he was still being cautious. " What are you even going to change into? A different tie? Super incognito there, pal."

The smirk instantly fell from Cas's face "I do have other clothes, Dean."

Dean scoffed, satisfied that he had managed to wipe the smug look off his friend's face. " Oh, yeah? Then how come you always go around looking like Constantine's second cousin?"

Cas shrugged " I feel comfortable like this." 

"Fine, whatever we'll find a motel so we can get ready for this stupid party."

"It should be an exciting experience." Cas said thoughtfully. "I've never interacted with people who know me from my father's books." 

" It's really not all that it's cracked up to be, Cas." Sam said, trying to shake off the memory of Becky. 

" More exhausting than anything, really." Dean agreed.

"Well then it sounds like you will need all the energy you can get." Cas replied. " You had better finish eating....dear."

Sam Spit out his coffee and both him and Cas fell into a fit of hysterical laughter. Dean sat with his mouth hanging open, turning beet red as he stared at the his brother and the angel in disbelief.

"Okay, you know what? Fuck both of you!" Dean growled

" I'm..sorry..." Cas said between giggles "did...ha...did I say something wrong...darling?"

"This is so NOT funny, Cas!"

" You're right, Dean." Sam said after composing himself. "..... It's HILARIOUS!!!" 

Dean stood up and pulled a couple twenties out of his wallet, tossing them on the table. " I'm not listening to this. We're leaving." He stomped away from the table towards the door when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his shoulders. "Oh, c'mon babe, don't be that way." Cas whispered into his ear.

"What the fuck, Cas!?" Dean screeched as he flailed out of the angel's grip. 

Cas strode past him towards the out the door. "Maybe, you shouldn't 'dish it out' if you can't take it, Dean." He said with a smirk, Sam following close behind.

"Excuse you?!" Dean growled, grabbing the other man by the shoulder and whipping him around.

"I'm not stupid, Dean." Cas stated, rolling his eyes. " I know you've been doing things to get a rise out of me. Consider this a taste of your own medicine." 

Dean stared at the angel in shock, shifting his gaze to Sam only to get a shrug in return. He looked back at Cas's stupid smirk and shook his head in resignation. " Let's go get ready for this stupid party." He marched over to the car and flung open the door slamming himself inside.

"What ever you say... sweetie." Cas said as he slipped into the back seat. He and Sam burst into another round of laughter.

Dean whipped around to face his brother and the angel. " Alright, that's enough out of both of you!" He shouted. "No more! Got it?!"

Both men raised their hands in surrender, still snickering. Dean started the car and threw it into reverse. He hoped that would be the end of this 'Destiel' nightmare for the rest of the day.

It wasn't.  
******


	2. This means war!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After deciding to find a way to get back at his brother and the angel, Dean discovers the two of them reading fanfiction. To make matters worse, he learns that not only is 'destiel'' a thing, but a pretty popular one at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I initially said I would update once, maybe twice a week, and I don't want to get too ambitious, but....it may be a little more frequently. Mainly because these chapters are taking up A LOT of space on my phone which is making editing a nightmare ( no space means slow apps). Anyway.... Here's a chapter about fanfiction.

They opted for a motel on the other side of town from the one they stayed in during the last time they were in Flint. Sam and Dean both agreed it was best they avoid getting recognized again. The room was a bit nicer than what they usually got when they were on the road. Since living in the bunker, they had grown accustomed to the comfort of having an actual home, and after the day they already had, Dean felt like he deserved a little comfort. Not to mention, his age didn't allow for him to sleep on ratty old mattresses for too long anymore, not that he'd ever admit to it. 

The three of them sat their duffles down on their respective beds, Cas taking the couch of course, and set to shuffling through them to find their shower bags. "I'm going first!" Sam announced, pulling out his array of hair care products.

"Oh, hell no!" Dean argued. I am not taking a cold shower because you need to spend three hours lovingly tending to your mane."

"What if I want to shower?" Cas mused, sifting through what little he had brought on the trip.

"Not a chance, hot shot." Dean said. "You can easily just mojo yourself clean. Some of us actually need soap and water. We ain't waistin any on you!"

Cas stood up straight and raised an eyebrow at Dean "Did you just call me hot?" he smirked "Really, Dean I'm flattered but now is not the time. Your brother is right here." He and Sam broke into yet another round of laughter.

"Oh, fuck you!" Dean grumbled.

"Dean! Seriously!" Sam said in mock disgust. "Keep the pillow talk to your private time!"

Dean scooped up his stuff and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. The chorus of laughter barely muffled from the other room. He turned on the shower in an attempt to drown it out further before he began to strip. This had to be the worst day he had had in a while, Archangel in his dome, not withstanding. He guessed he kinda deserved it. He should've known Cas would catch on to his relentless teasing. After all, he really did know Dean better than anyone else. Still, why did it have to be this? Of all things? 

He was used to people thinking he and Sam we're a couple. Two dudes, showing up in skeevy motels in the middle of the night didn't leave much to the imagination. Sometimes he'd even play along, if nothing more but to irritate his little brother. That was different though. They were brothers. Blood related. It was just a funny game at Sam's expense. 

But this was Cas. 'Angel of the Lord Castiel', as Marie had put it. Their bond wasn't exactly familial. Sure, he saw Cas as family, but it was different. He didn't know why, but it was. He guessed this must be what Sam felt like every time Dean did the same thing Cas was doing now, though Dean never went to the same extent as the angel. 

Dean shook the thought from his head as he finished rinsing out the shampoo. Nope. No time for guilt. His brother and best friend were being dicks about this. He had to find some way to get them back. Maybe if he played along it would creep both of them out enough to get them to back off. Not tonight at the party of course. No need to add fuel to the fire with those ridiculous fangirls around. But if they kept it up when they got home he'd show them! Then who would be the one yucking it up?

He shut off the water and toweled off, proud with his solution. He slipped into his clean clothes and wiped some steam from the mirror to fix his hair and brush his teeth. "You, my friend, are a genius." he said, winking at his reflection. 

The instant he stepped out of the bathroom, however, his plan was derailed. He wasn't gay, by any means. He loved women. But he wasn't the type of guy who couldn't admit when another dude was attractive. The actor who played Dr. Sexy, for instance. Gunner Lawless wasn't bad to look at either. Nor was the soldier he had spotted on the case with Chronos, and he'd be lying if Aaron Bass hadn't made him a little flustered. And Cas...

He was always thrown off when he saw the angel out of his regular rumpled suit and dirty trench coat and this time was no different. Cas was dressed it a fitted, dark grey dress shirt, sleeves rolled up just past the elbow, revealing all the muscles usually hidden under his loose layers. His suit pants swapped for a pair of tight, dark wash jeans, cuffed at the bottom over a pair of black Chuck's. His hair was elegantly disheveled in a way that was reminiscent of when he had first approached Dean in that barn all those years ago. All the dark colors bringing out the intense blue of his eyes even more. 

Dean was suddenly aware of just how long it had been since he had been with a woman and decided it might be best to hold off on his plan until he found one, lest he delve into not 100% straight territory.

"Finally!" Sam said as he shoved past Dean on his way to the shower. " And you say I take forever!" Sam closed the door behind him leaving Dean and Cas to engage in a staring match.

"So?" Cas asked, holding his arms out. "Is this acceptable party wear? Or perhaps you would like to compare me to another distant relative of a lesser known comic book character?"

Dean always forgot that Cas had understood all his references for the past few years. He checked that off as another reason to hate Metatron. It wasn't fun insulting the angel when he knew he was being insulted. Then it was just mean. "Where in the hell did you get that getup?" Dean asked, trying to keep his eyes on his friend's face. He needed to find some chick to bang, and soon.

Cas lowered his arms and lifted his eyebrow. "Crowley picked it out for me when we were searching for Lucifer. We had to conduct a few interviews in a night club and he refused to let me go in my usual clothes."

Dean flinched at the mention of Crowley's name. He tried to keep the memory of the demon from his mind as much as possible these days. The loss of his frenemy was still a little raw. He could think of a million instances the King of Hell could have come in handy recently. "Hmm" He nodded to the angel's explanation.

"Is it acceptable?" Cas asked again.

"Are you gonna drop this 'destiel' nonsense?" Dean inquired

"Maybe..." Cas replied, smirking again "Probably not..."

"Then you look terrible. Worst I've ever seen you. Seriously, I'd be embarrassed to be seen with you in public." Dean shoved past his friend to the door and opened it. "I'm going to get some coffee from the lobby, and a snack. I didn't get to finish my lunch." He plastered on one of his snarkiest smiles. "Can I get you anything? You must be starving?"

Cas jus narrowed his eyes and set his jaw in response. Dean let out a laugh and shut the door behind him. Screw gay chicken, he thought. This could work out just fine.  
*****  
When Dean got back to the room after scarfing down a bag of chips and chugging a cup of coffee he, found Sam and Cas huddled over Sam's laptop at the table, snickering to each other. "What's so funny?" He asked trying to peer over the top of the screen. 

Sam slammed the computer shut, startled by his brother's entrance. "Nothing!" he grinned up at the older hunter.

"My ass!" Dean said shoving his brother aside to open the screen back up.

"Your red ass..." Cas mumbled under his breath as Dean reached the computer.

"What?!" Dean gasped, turning to the angel. Cas just shook his head and chuckled in response. Dean turned to the open screen to see what the two men found so amusing. "Oh, Come on!!!!" 

The webpage that was open told Dean everything he needed to know. His brother and best friend had committed the ultimate crime against him. "Fanfiction?! Really, you guys? This is just sick!"

" C'mon man it's not like it's all about you." Sam said "There's plenty of stuff that involves me. Cas too." 

"There's even a faction that believes Sam and I would make a good pair. " Cas added. " Though I find that utterly ridiculous. Sam and Gabriel however..."

"Shut up, man" Sam said. He laughed and nugded the angel's shoulder. "You and Meg though, that's pretty funny." Both men seemed to be in good humor about their outrageous pairings. 

"You two need help." Dean grumbled. "Serious, mental help."

"Don't worry, hunny." Cas chuckled. "You and I are still the most popular. On the entire internet actually." 

"Okay, one: you shut your fucking face!" Dean said pointing at Cas. "Two: what do you mean by 'the entire internet'?"

Sam clicked his tongue and smiled " Seems like you and Cas here are the most written about pairing on just about every forum we come across."

"You have got to be kidding me!" Dean groaned. He scrolled through the page, clicking back through the other websites. Sure enough, they were telling the truth. There had to be hundreds of thousands of stories online featuring him and Cas as a couple. " What the actual, fuck? What is wrong with these people?" He scrolled through a few of the stories, noting some of the 'tags' on each one. ' Fluff', 'crack', 'Smut' ' Dean's red ass' 'Top Castiel/bottom Dean'....he felt like he was gonna be sick. "Who writes crap like this about people?"

" Relax, Dean." Sam rested his hand on his brother's shoulder. "It's not like they know we're real people. To them, we're just characters from a series of books. Like Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings. They're just adding their own flair to the stories they like. It's harmless."

"Yeah, well I don't like it." Dean huffed. "Sam....why are some of these marked as 'read'?" 

Sam shrugged and looked down at his brother sheepishly. "I like seeing other people's prospective on our lives sometimes." 

"You realize theses are stories about your brother and your best friend... together?" He spat

"Like Sam said, Dean," Cas interjected "these stories are harmless. Really. We all know what our lives really are, I don't see any harm in letting people have their own creative license when we know the truth."

"How do you delete these sites?" Dean asked ignoring the angel. "There's gotta be some way to get these sites taken down."

" You're over reacting, Dean." Cas sighed

"You're under reacting!" Dean spat back. 

"Alright, alright!" Sam said stepping between the two and shutting the screen again. "Break it up. Let's just step away from the computer for now, okay? Will that make everyone happy?" 

Dean sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. "Yeah. Whatever." He grunted. "What time is it anyway. Don't we have some sort of stupid party to go be miserable at?" 

Sam rolled his eyes and glanced at his watch. "It's 5:50 now, the GPS says it'll take about twenty minutes to get there. I'm sure Marie won't mind if we show up a little early. If we leave now, we might be able to help her finish setting up. It's the least we can do."

"Great." Dean said grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair. "Let's go. The sooner we get this over with the better."

Sam and Cas exchanged irritated looks and grabbed their own jackets, Cas using one he had borrowed from Sam, and followed Dean out the door. Hopefully he would be in a better mood by the end of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the trench....but who among us doesn't wish we could see Cas out of it more often? 
> 
> Thanks for the feedback 😊 more to come soon.


	3. It's Alive!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has a few questions for Marie about some things he saw on the internet and the boys walk into a reminder that they are more than just characters to some people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing has really gotten away from me. I have no idea what made me think I could keep it short. I currently have like Nine more chapters sitting on my phone waiting to be edited and it just keeps going. I hope you enjoy these next few short chapters, as for some reason they just keep coming out.

The drive was spent mostly in silence. Cas and Sam chalked it up to Dean being in a pissy mood, which wasn't entirely wrong, but I wasn't 100% true either. Dean had seen a couple things on one of the sites he scrolled through that he definitely had to talk to Marie about. He spent most of the way there trying to go through situations in his mind where he would be able to get her alone without his brother and best friend being suspicious. 

" Take the next left past this hill right here." Sam said calling out the directions from the GPS. "It should be the first house on the right ."

The house they pulled up to was massive. It had to belong to one of the girls' parents. They had a feeling Marie and her friends must be well off, attending and all girls, private highschool and all, but they had no idea just how well off until they pulled into the circular drive in front of, what could only be described as, the gargantuan estate. It honestly looked like one of those houses you would see an A-list celebrity use as a summer house. Dean let out a low whistle as he parked the car and climbed out. " Boy do I feel under dressed, and we haven't even been inside."

"It certainly is impressive, isn't it." Cas remarked.

" Let's go see if we can find Marie and see what we can help with." Sam said, making his way towards the door. When Marie answered the door though, is when they really felt uncomfortable.

The beautiful house was decorated, wall to wall, with every type of sigil they had ever seen. There were bits and pieces of all the different spells and potions they had ever used scattered around the place and several ( hopefully fake) guns, stakes and knives along the walls. 

"You made it!" Marie greeted them each with a hug. "You're a little early...but I'm so glad you actually came! Siobhan and Kristen are gonna lose it when they see you!" She stepped back and waved them into the house. "So...What do you think."

"So much for just being characters..." Dean grumbled under his breath. 

Sam was quick to elbow his brother in the gut before turning to their host. "This is... really something Marie. You really went all out...but um... isn't this a little...Dark? For an engagement party, I mean."

Marie smiled back proudly. "Not at all! I told you, Supernatural is their favorite series! It's what brought them together. I think it's only fitting that they celebrate their upcoming union with a splash of their passion."

"You know we're real people right?" Dean said, trying to keep an even voice but still reeling from the discussion earlier. " You guys don't think it's a little weird loving a series about real people? You know, people you've met. In real life. You didn't think maybe it was weird to keep reading about our actual lives?"

Marie crossed her arms, smile still on her face. "Of course not! If anything it made it more interesting. You guys are real life heroes. Because of you we have been able to keep ourselves safe from all sorts of crazy danger that others don't even know about. Besides, they fell in love with the series before we met you. And they realized that love while potraying you in my play. Why wouldn't we keep loving you?"

Dean's heart melted a bit after hearing her speech. Sometimes the only part of the job that helped them keep going was hoping they made someone's life just a little bit better. Hearing it confirmed from the source was enough to wash away most of his bad mood. "Yeah, yeah, okay. What can we do to help you finish up?"

"Actually, Maeve and I pretty much have everything covered." she said looking around. "But, if you want, there's a banner over there behind the couch. Sam, if you and Cas could hang that up for me and Dean, if you follow me I have a few hors d'oeuvres that I still need to set out." 

"Sure thing, Marie." Sam smiled back 

She turned on her heel and made a motion for Dean to follow. Perfect. now he didn't have to make an excuse. As soon as they turned the corner they stopped and faced each other. "Okay, listen." They said in unison, shocking each other. 

"No, me first." said Marie holding out her hand. "I'm sorry about the whole 'destiel' thing earlier, okay. Castiel made it very clear that you two are just very close friends. I'm sorry if I made you in anyway uncomfortable. I guess it's just kind of a shock to go from reading about something and being able to create your own subtext and seeing it in real life."

Dean scratched the back of his head looking down at his feet. "Yeah, that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about too. All that subtext stuff. Listen, Sam was reading some....stuff...on the internet and he came across some things that were a bit, unsettling."

" I already told you I'm sorry Dean, but I can't be held responsible for the internets tendency to read into the subtext as well..."

"No, no that's not it!" his eyes shot up to meet hers. "Well that's kinda it, but that's not really what I mean. You said Edlund stopped writing after 'Swan Song' but I saw a couple things that no one would know about unless....you didn't tell anyone about the things I told you did you? The stuff about Sam's soul and me being a demon or whatever."

Marie's mouth opened in shock and her hand flew over her chest. "Dean I would never! None of us ever told anyone about who you really were. We would never betray your trust like that, not that anyone would believe is anyway..."

" Then how..." 

" Carver Edlund....or I guess...Chuck...began writing again, not too long after I met you actually. Which was weird...but he actually stopped When you became a demon. Heart wrenching B T DUBS! But because of what I knew I was able to assure the others that you were fine."

She continued down the hall to the kitchen, figuring that the matter was settled, Dean following close behind. " Yeah I guess he didn't want to reveal too much..." he mumbled

 

"What does that mean?" she asked incredulously.

"Nothing." He shook his head. These girls took his and Sam's existence in stride, but he was pretty sure finding out they had been obsessing over the word of God might actually make their heads explode. "So about this 'subtext' crap..."

Marie stopped at the entrance to the kitchen and wheeled around, arms crossed back over her chest "I already said I was sorry about the...."

"No no no!" he waved his hand in front of himself trying to wipe the word out of the air. " Not...that... it's just... how far in detail does Chuck go into in the books. I only read a little of his work and I was kinda distracted at the time...I was just wondering....does he like...write about all our personal thoughts or whatever..."

A wicked grin slid over Marie's face. " Why, Dean? Worried we might know something you don't want us to?"

He rolled his eyes and leaned up against the wall trying to feign nonchalance. "Just curious, wouldn't want you ladies thinking less of me knowing what I've thought about women in the past." 

Marie let out a sigh and rolled her eyes in return. "No, Dean. He sticks to mostly plot points and storylines. Your precious shower thoughts are safe." after she strode into the kitchen, Dean let out a sigh of relief and followed behind. 

"Maeve, is everything ready to be set out? Everyone will be arriving shortly."

"Just finishing up a few minor details, Marie. Gotta make sure everything is perf....Oh, my God!" Maeve looked up at Dean like she was seeing a ghost, which technically, he guessed...." Oh. My. GOD! You weren't lying! They really are here!" Maeve instantly dropped what she was doing and ran over to Dean leaping into his arms. Her short black bangs had grown into long, loose curls framing her face, the rest tied up into a pony tail and Dean was sure she had grown at least a foot. Dean was really surprised to see how much both of them had grown and matured in the last four years. 

"Why would I lie about this?" Marie asked from the kitchen island resuming Maeve's work.

Maeve stepped back from Dean and turned to Marie. "Well honestly, we all kinda thought you had lost it after you told us Dean had somehow gotten saved from being a demon. We didn't want to hurt your feelings, but we all kinda thought you were just in denial but...wait!" Maeve reached to the table and grabbed a small flask, whipping around and splashing the contents in Dean's face. 

" Yeah, not a Demon anymore, kid!" Dean said wiping his face dry. "Why is it always holy water? Why doesn't anyone throw salt or say 'Christo' anymore?"

"You really are safe!" Maeve beamed.

"Told you." Marie mumbled from behind. 

Maeve turned to apologise to Marie when Dean spotted something behind her ear. "Is that an anti-possesion tattoo?" He asked.

"Oh! Yeah. See?" Maeve pulled back her hair further so Dean could take a a look.

Marie stopped what she was doing and pulled down her collar a bit to reveal the one below her clavicle before picking up the trays. "We all got one our senior year." She stated walking with the trays and giving two each to Maeve and Dean before picking up two of her own and shuffling the back into the foyer. "It was kind of a 'better safe than sorry' situation after we met you. Don't worry. None of us went off to become hunters or anything. It's just kinda hard to ignore what's out there once you know. We all take precautions."

Dean was glad they had such an impact on the girls, and he was relieved that they were doing everything to keep themselves safe, but he couldn't help but feel a little guilty about exposing them to all of it. Casualties of war he guessed.

"Looks great, Sam." Marie said as she entered the foyer, setting her trays down on the nearest table. "Thank you."

"Glad to help!" Sam smiled back. "Oh, wow! Maeve? Is that you? You look so grown up!" 

Maeve ran over and gave Sam a big hug. "Thank you, I think." She took a step back from Sam and glanced over at Cas "Oh, wow!" She said breathlessly tucking a piece of loose hair behind her ear. "Are...are you Castiel?"

Cas bowed his head and held out his hand "Pleased to meet you."

She took his hand and shook it nervously. "I'm sorry, I just... I didn't expect you to look so....Angelic." She said shyly.

Cas looked up at Dean with a smug smile across his face. "See, Dean? She thinks I look nice."

'Not this shit again', Dean thought to himself. He rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Yeah, well she doesn't have to look at you everyday!"

Cas tilted his head and gave Dean a fake pout. " Why won't you love me, Dean?"

Dean grunted and pointed a finger at Marie. "You created a monster! I hope you know that!" The other four burst into laughter and Dean was suddenly wishing he was anywhere else. "It's not funny!"

"Okay, okay" Marie laughed " It's not funny. We get it. Now let's calm down. People are going to start showing up any second. Let's go do a once-over and make sure everything is in place."

The girls left to go check on everything, leaving the men in the hallway, waiting for the first guests to arrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like I said, I have several more chapters of this beast lying in wait, so you can expect updates to be much more frequent than originally planned. I was hoping to have it completed before March 7th, to keep it as canon compliant as possible, and I realized the only way I can do that is to update as much as possible. Possibly once (maybe twice in some cases) a day. So buckle up guys. We're about to crank this baby up!


	4. I waited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The men reunite with the girls and watch a video about their lives. Dean admits some of his feeling s for the angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the encouragement and support guys. This has really been a fun piece to write and it makes it better knowing that there are others who enjoy it 😊 
> 
> Now these next two chapters aren't exactly my favorite, but they were necessary to move the story along. Don't worry though, I kept plenty of humor in them.

As the guests started piling in, Sam and Dean began recognizing more and more faces. The ones who recognized them approached them the same way as Marie and Maeve had. Arms open and tattoos on display. The men asked them quick questions about their lives and shared a few stories of their own. Each of them marveling at the wonder that was Castiel. Dean had to admit, it was heart warming to see all these girls grown up and living their lives. He and Sam had done that. Had they not intervened, all of their lives would have been totally different. 

It was hope. Proof that what they do has a positive impact on people's lives. Even the smallest, weirdest of cases could make a difference. It was something Dean had neglected to realize as of late, with all his own problems clouding his vision. Maybe they could find a way to save him. These girls were proof that they didn't always need to make big leaps to make the world a better place.

As the time for Siobhan and Kristen to arrive drew nearer, the men made their way to the back of the crowd. It wasn't their night, after all, the focus should really be on the happy couple. When the clock struck 7:30 all the lights were shut off in the house. Marie hadn't mentioned it was a surprise party before, so the men were a little confused at first, but they caught on quickly and began to hide. A few moments later, the front door cracked open and the lights we're on with every one yelling "Congratulations!"

Siobhan instantly had a knife in her hand shoving Kristen behind her, and Kristen had her hand over Siobhan's shoulder, clearly having a better understanding of what was happening. She covered her small face with he other hand a giggled whispering something into Siobhan's ear that seemed to make the situation click for the other girl. Siobhan dropped her head and started laughing, tucking her knife away in her pocket and pulled Kristen into her arms. "Oh, my God you guys! You can't Sacre me like that! What is all this?" 

" I think, my love," Kristen explained pointing at the banner "that our friends and family have come together to congratulate us on our engagement."

" Well I can see that... now..." Siobhan turned to Marie who was standing at the forefront. " I should've known something was up when you invited us to your parents house for movie night!" 

Marie just shrugged. " Well I couldn't have very well fit all these people in the dorms. That would've been a fire code distaster!" 

"You really went all out, Marie!" Kristen said pulling her into a hug. "This is amazing! Thank you!" 

"Oh you don't know the half of it." Marie's smiled. "But really it was my pleasure. It's the least I could do for my favorite stars." 

Kristen rolled her eyes and returned to Siobhan's side as they made their way through the crowd, thanking everyone for coming out to celebrate with them.

Dean couldn't help but notice that the two of them seemed to have changed to most in four years. Siobhan's once long dark hair was now sitting shoulder length, streaked with several neon colors. She was clad in all black, tight jeans and a loose shirt, covered by a leather jacket. Kristen had grown taller and half her dark hair was grown out to the same length as Siobhan's while the other half was shaved. It could've been because Dean had never really seen them out of costume, but it was a little weird seeing Kristen in a brightly colored floral dress. It was almost as weird seeing her out of the trenchcoat as it was Cas. They looked more confident too. Happier. It just strengthened the feeling of hope the party had already brought on.

It was Siobhan who noticed them first. Her mouth opening and closing like a fish for a while before she leaned over to get Kristen's attention. Kristen's hand shot up over her mouth and she turned to the person she was speaking with and nodded before dragging Siobhan in their direction.

"Heya, ladies." Dean greeted. "Congratulations!"

"No way!" Siobhan half screamed "Who did Marie have to sell her soul to to get you guys here?!"

"Bahn-Bahn!" Kristen scolded hitting her on the arm. "Read the room!" 

"Oh, my God! I am sorry you guys I just meant....really it's great to see you...just...h..how..why are you here?!'

Sam let out a gentle laugh and shook his head. "Believe it or not it was actually a total coincidence. we had just finished up a job a few towns over when we stopped for lunch and ran into Marie."

"She was VERY insistent on our attendance." Cas continued "I hope that is okay."

"HOLY SHIT!" Kristen screeched looking between Sam and Dean. "is..is he...are you...?"

Cas stood tall and held out his hand, clearly loving the attention "Hello. My name is Castiel. Pleased to meet you." 

Both girls scrambled to take his hand, shaking it vigorously with both of theirs "Oh, my God Bahn-Bahn! it's really him. Oh my God, I could die happy right now!"

"I know Krissy! I know! It is such an honor to meet you!"

"Thank you, but really the pleasure is all mine." Cas laughed. Then he turned to Dean with a wicked smile and wide eyes. "How come we don't have cute pet names for each other, Dean?"

Dean's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he tried to ignore the chorus of awes coming from the two girls. "I have one for you.... it's 'dumb ass'!

"Oh, come now Dean." Cas mock pouts. " Let's not squabble in front of these ladies."

"Cool it, Cas!" Dean warned. " Hate to be the one to you guys, but me and him? Yeah, Never gonna happen."

Kristen and Siobhan dropped Cas's hand and linked them with each other's "Yeah," Kristen says " We kind of figured as much."

Dean was taken aback slightly when he heard that he wasn't the only one not buying a ticket to the 'S.S. Destiel'. " Really?" he asked.

"I mean, don't get us wrong, it is a little disappointing." Siobhan answered. "With the musical being when we realized we were in love with each other and all. How perfect would that be, am I right? But after actually meeting you....not really a big shock." She smiled up at the men, a hint of sadness behind her eyes.

"Hey," Dean said in a comforting voice. "I mean we may be ..lovers...or whatever... but that doesn't mean we don't care about each other." Dean placed his hand on Cas's shoulder as he spoke. "Cas here is my best friend. I'd do anything for the guy. I'd kill for him. I'd die for him. Hell, I've done both. I couldn't imagine a world without him in it." He smiled down at his friend and was met with a soft smile and return. "And I know he feels the same way. I don't know a whole lot about relationships, but I'm pretty sure you guys feel some of those same things about each other. And then some. So, see? It's really not too much different. just without all the mushy love bullshit on our end." 

Kristen and Siobhan stared up at Dean with tearful smiles. " That was beautiful!" Kristen sniffed. "And he's right, Bahn-Bahn. That is exactly how I feel about you!" 

Siobhan turned and placed her forehead against Kristen's "And I, you Krissy. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." Their kiss was interrupted by the sound of metal tinking against glass.

"Alright, everyone" Marie announced "Now that the guests of honor are here, I would like to start this evening off with a special video Maeve and I have put together of the lovely couple. So if everyone would be so kind as to follow me into the home theater..." Marie swept through the crowd leading everyone down one of the long hallways.

"Oh, Jesus!" Siobhan sighed, rolling her eyes. "Leave it to Marie!" 

"C'mon, my love." Kristen laughed pulling her fiance by the hand. "She went to a lot of trouble to make this night special. The least we can do is indulge her. We'll catch up with you guys later."

Dean smiled as he watched the girls disappear down the hall before looking back at his brother and best friend. The conflicting smiles on their faces instantly wiped away his own. " What?!" He demanded.

Sam just shook his head as he patted his brother on the back, following the crowd down the hall. "Way to make it sound like you're not in love with the guy, Dean." he whispered before disappearing with the others.

Dean shot him the bird, a little too late, before looking back over at Cas. Unlike his brother, the smile on the angel's face was sincere and thoughtful. 

"Did you really mean that, Dean? What you said?"

Dean scratched the back of his head and looked down. "Of course Cas. You know that. I mean, yeah, you can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but it doesn't mean I care about you any less. I need ya man. I don't think there's really anyone who means more to me, besides Sammy. You're my best friend."

Cas reached up and placed his hand on Dean's left shoulder, right where his hand print used to be and looked him in the eyes. "Thank you, Dean. You're my best friend as well." Then he pulled Dean in close placing his lips scant inches from the hunter's ear. "But your brother's right. You should probably try to make it sound less like you're in love with me." Then he laughed, slapping Dean on the shoulder and walking in the direction of the diminishing crowd.

"Way to kill a moment, Cas!" Dean said as he followed him down the hall. 

" That's what I'm here for."

"You're a real dick, ya know that?"

Cas shrugged and tilted his head back towards Dean, never slowing his stride. " Yeah. But I'm your dick."

"Oh, fuck you!" Dean said catching up.

"Maybe later." Cas winked

"Jesus Christ! Will you stop?"

"I'm sorry Dean, you're just making this so easy." He laughed

"You're easy." Dean grumbled, to which Cas just raised his eyebrow. 

"Son of a bitch." Dean decided it was best to stay silent for the rest of the way, after that. 

**** 

The 'home theater' looked like a full blown movie theater if you asked Dean. Complete with recliner seats, cup holders and a massive screen. He didn't think he'd ever be able to understand why rich people spent money they way they did on things like this.

As the last of the crowd trickled in, Marie gave a short intro to the film, explaining how it was a collection of moments leading up to the love Kristen and Siobhan shared now. When everyone was seated she gave a signal to the person in the the booth (presumably Maeve) to begin the film.

Dean and Sam exchanged a pained look, instantly recognizing the music. It was the instrumental to 'The Road So Far' from the play. Cas however seemed enthralled by what was playing on the screen, not recognizing the music at all.  
The brothers returned their attention to the film and realized just how sweet it actually was. Played out before them we're home videos of Kristen and Siobhan growing up mixed with photos from each girl's childhood, all of it leading up to the moment they met. 

Soon the music shifted to the piano for 'A Single Man Tear'. Even Dean had to admit that, without the lyrics, the music truly was beautiful and fitting. The images that played through the song we're even more moving than the previous ones. The girls sitting on a bench reading Chuck's books together. Playing cards together in, what looked like a school hallway. Laughing and dancing with each other. The last video with the song was Siobhan, sitting Kristen on the bench they had been reading on and playing her a song, Kristen's eyes filling with joyful tears.

'I'll Just Wait Here Then' was different. Instead of simply being instrumental, it was actually Kristen singing. Dressed as Cas. Her scene played out in the bottom corner of the screen as images of the two girls dress up as the hunter and the angel filled the rest of the screen. A few we're obviously from the play, but others looked like they came from conventions and Halloween parties. And they looked Happy. It was a little surreal, seeing a couple dressed as himself and the angel, so obviously in love, but Dean would be lying if he said he wasn't a little flattered. 

The last song that played, was an instrumental yet again, but instead of being the cover from the play, it was the actual music to ' Carry on Wayward Son'. The images that went with that were equally energetic. Kristen dancing and singing in other plays. Siobhan welding, what looked like rings, the two of them getting matching (anti-possesion) tattoos. Hikes. Parties. Just the two of them, being entirely them. When the music faded out it was a simple video, camera held by Siobhan, as she lead a blindfolded Kristen to the bench surrounded by candles and roses. The both of them we're laughing, Kristen stopping to ask where they were going only to be told it was a surprise. Then Siobhan sat Kristen down on the bench and placed the camera at a spot where they could both be seen. She got down on one knee and pulled out a ring (the one she must have been welding) and pulled the blindfold off. No words were said. Just tears and nodding and hugging as Siobhan slipped the ring onto Kristen's finger. Somehow the silence seemed to make it more moving.

The screen faded out as the lights went up. There was hardly a dry eye in the place. Marie stood up and began speaking. Surely giving a speech about the power of love or a few words about the girls but all Dean could focus in was the hand that hadn't moved from his shoulder since Kristen's scene from the play. 

"Cas." Dean whispered. "Cas! Hey man are you alright? Cas! Earth to Castiel! You with us there buddy?" Dean tapped at the hand on his shoulder which finally got the angel's attention. 

He looked down at his hand and quickly removed it. "My apologies, Dean." He whispered back. " I found their relationship to be quite... beautiful."

"Yeah. Love's a hell of a thing, I guess." Dean scoffed

"The play you said Marie wrote?" Cas asked

"What about it?" 

" From the few scenes I saw... It seemed very... accurate." 

Dean let out a soft chuckled and slapped his hand on Cas's back. " Yeah, well it was based off of books written by your old man, so I would imagine so."

Marie then announced that they would be moving to the dinning room for food and conversation. The crowd began filing back out, Sam was swept up by a few girls from the play, but Dean stayed seated next to the angel, who was still starting at the now blank screen.

"Hey, Cas?" Dean asked after a while.

"Hmm"

"That scene from the play, well not the scene but the actual night? I don't think I can ever thank you enough for saving me that night. I saw a lot of really shitty things in that future, and Zack pretty much had me by the balls in the room. If you hadn't zapped me outta there when you did..."

Cas finally looked away from the screen and into Dean's eyes, his own watery and red rimmed. "We had an appointment."

Dean swallowed hard. It took a lot to make Cas even look like he was crying. He couldn't imagine what must have triggered such a reaction. "Yeah. We did. Thanks." He forced a smile on his face, hoping to put one back onto the angel's. "Man, what did you do all that time anyway? While you were waiting for our 'appointment'?"

"I just...I waited." Cas replied

"All night?"

"Yes." 

"You just waited? On the side of the road? For hours? For me?"

Cas rolled his eyes and let out a sigh. "I think you forget Dean, that I am billions of years old. A few hours on the side of a road is nothing to me." Then he let a small smile slip on to his features. "Try not to read to much into it."

Dean laughed and gave Cas a friendly punch on the arm. "Whatever, man! let's go eat. I'm starving."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is a two chapter day. Partially because I feel like they should be read together, partially because I want to get past the party. Mostly because I keep running out of time and gaining story....


	5. The play's the thing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas obtains a copy of "Supernatural: The Musical" and guilt trips Sam and Dean into watching it with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short. I didn't realize that at first, but now that I do I'm glad I didn't post it alone. 
> 
> Things are gonna start picking up from here though. Let's ride.

The rest of the evening turned out to be one of the best nights they had experienced in a long time. The food was all Supernatural themed, which was a little weird, but damn if it wasn't delicious. Sam spent most of the night being fan girled over which, though he would never admit it, he loved. Cas and Dean spent a lot of time explaining that they weren't actually a couple, then, when no one was looking, Cas would show off some of his Angel powers to the girls from the play. They briefly met a few other friends and family members, coming up with various identities for each one, causing a lot of gossip amongst the unknowing patrons.

 

The best part, though, was getting to catch up with all the girls. They learned that Maggie had moved to Rome to study theology. Both Maeve and Marie had gone into Mass communication/media studies over at MSU. Siobhan had gone into psychology while Kristen was busy running the local dinner theater with her parents. They all kept in contact with with each other, even though they had all moved on with their lives. Marie told the men that after the play they had all agreed to stay close friends and keep a look out for each other. An event like that tends to bond people.

Dean could relate to that. Nothing to secure a friendship like going through hell with each other. Though in his case it was a little more literal. It made him feel a lot better knowing that the girls were still looking out for each other. Living in a world knowing that there is darkness and danger around each corner is made a whole lot easier when you have friends to help you each step of the way. A family. People you love. People who love you. 

Some time towards the end of the night, Cas and Marie had disappeared. Sam and Dean didn't think much of it until Cas had returned holding a DVD case like it was the most precious thing on Earth. " What ya got there, Cas?" Sam asked.

Cas tucked the DVD into the inner pocket of his borrowed jacket and patted in affectionately. "Marie was kind enough to give me a copy of her play." He answered softly. " I felt it was only fair I get to watch it, considering it is based on the gospel of my father, and I happen to be a character in it." 

Dean laughed. "Alright, then Malkovich! Knock yourself out."

 

Cas tilted his head, a hopeful look filling his eyes. "I thought, since the both of you were occupied during it's original run, that perhaps you would be interested in watching it with me..."

Dean and Sam shared a reluctant look. Sam nodded his head toward the angel and Dean looked down at his feet, scratching the back of his head. " Awe, christ Cas. You're not really gonna make us re-live that crapfest, are you?"

Cas set his jaw and settled Dean in a determined gaze. " Marie worked very hard on her interpretation, Dean. It didn't look like a 'crapfest' from the scenes that I saw."

Dean shrunk back a little, looking to Sam for support. Cas, was his goofy, awkward, best friend, of course, but he was still terrifying as hell when he pulled out his ' Angel of the Lord' voice.

"I'm, uh, gonna go see if Marie needs help cleaning anything up..." Sam mumbled as he practically skittered away.

"Coward!" Dean muttered, under his breath before turning his gaze back to his friend. "Look, Cas...."

"Please, Dean?" The angel's face shifted from fierce to pleading so quick it caught the hunter off guard. "I watch every movie you ask me to, without so much as a complaint. Every. Single. One. I'm simply ask that you return the favor. Please?"

Great. Guilt. He wasn't wrong. Dean knew Metatron had downloaded just about every book, movie and TV show that was worth it's spit into Cas's brain a few years ago, but that didn't stop him from jamming every piece of pop culture knowledge he had at his disposal down the angel's throat. He wanted Cas to have the experience, not just the knowledge. And he always took it in stride. Now, here he was, asking Dean to do the same, just once...." UGH! Fine, Cas! We'll watch the stupid play!"

The smile that spread across the angel's face wasn't like any other he had shown that day. It wasn't like any other smile he had shown in years as a matter of fact. It was one of true, innocent joy. Any apprehension Dean had left was washed away in that pure smile. 

"Thank you, Dean."

"Yeah, whatever." Dean grumbled back. He tried his best to sound like he was still struggling with the decision, but he was pretty sure Cas knew he had won him over.

Sam walked up behind Cas, slapping him on the shoulder, breaking up the staring contest the two had unwittingly engaged in. "Well, Marie said she's got a few people to take care of clean up, so I figure we should probably start saying our goodbyes and head back to the motel. If we get back in the next hour we can get an early start tomorrow and be back home sometime tomorrow night."

"Hate to break it to you, Sammy, but I have a feeling we ain't leaving for home that early tomorrow. We got a movie to watch tonight."

Sam let out a groan and rolled his eyes. " Awe, man, Seriously?"

"What can I say? The guy broke me." Dean shrugged.

"Yeah, I'm sure that was real hard." Sam muttered sarcastically.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean demanded.

" Nothing." Sam insisted. "Does it have to be tonight? It's been kind of a long day and I'm pretty beat." He half whined.

Dean crossed his arms and cocked an eyebrow at his brother. "Would you rather wait 'till we get home, where anybody could walk in and see it?"

"No.... you're right." Sam cringed. " I guess we better start heading out then."

"C'mon, Sammy! It won't be that bad." Dean chuckled "We'll make a night of it. Grab a few snacks on our way back, get all cozy in our jammies...just a couple of grown ass men and a crazy old angel having a good old-fashioned slumber party."

Cas had to duck his head to keep Sam from seeing the fact that he was trying to bite back his own laughter. It didn't work. "I hate you." Sam deadpanned. "I hate both of you. I really do."

After Dean and Cas had calmed down from their fit of laughter, the three men made their way through the party to bid the girls goodbye. They gave each of them their emergency numbers and told them to call in case anything ever happened that they couldn't handle. Siobhan told them to look out for a wedding invite ( via text of, course) while Kristen gave them each a massive bear hug. As they were heading out the door they made sure to thank Marie again for the invite and told her to text their numbers to Maggie as well. Dean had no plans to hop on a plane to Rome anytime soon, but he figured as long as the others had a way to contact them, she should too.

"That was fun." Cas said as the three of them stepped into the cold night air. 

"You know what? It really was." Sam agreed

"I didn't think it it was a great idea," Dean scoffed " but it actually felt good to be around people we helped out. Maybe it's something we should do more often, you know? When things get a little dark? Revisit some of the good we've done. Kinda puts things in perspective."

" Yeah." Sam smiled. "Yeah. That sounds like a good idea, Dean."

Dean instantly regretted the statement. He liked the idea of seeing people move on after trauma like that, but suggesting future activities did nothing but give Sam hope that there was a future for all of them. It felt like lying. It was lying. He knew there wasn't a future for him. Just an eternity at the bottom of the ocean floor.

"Alright, let's get going before all the Gas 'N Sips are closed." Dean said, trying to quickly change the subject. "We gotta grab a few snacks on the way back. I ain't sitting through that play again on an empty stomach."

"You just ate barely two hours ago." Cas reminded him.

"And?"

Sam and Cas shared an exasperated look and followed Dean to the Impala. Cas waited until the doors were shut before he said anything. " You know Dean, you really should practice better eating habits. You're not thirty anymore and your metabolism is bound to slow down. I wouldn't want you losing that girlish figure of yours, dearest."

Sam started choking on air as Dean whipped around to face the, too amused, angel in the backseat. 

"Okay, one: I look freaking awesome for my age and everyone knows it! And two: If this was a relationship, I would be the man! If anyone has a girlish figure here it's you!"

Cas tried to school his face and failed miserably before opting to gaze out the window instead. "While there do seem to be a few factions that agree with you, the general consensus is quite the opposite."

"That's it! You've lost your internet privlages, pal!" Dean scolded. He then whipped around and pointed an angry finger at a hysterical Sam "You too! No case, no net!"

Sam rolled his eyes, still chuckling "Dean, how am I supposed to look for cases if I can't use the internet?"

"Ever heard of a newspaper? Figure it out! Now, let's get back to the room so we can get this damn thing over with." Dean jammed the key into the ignition and revved Baby's engine a couple times for good measure, to assert his manliness.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Cas said.

"Oh, I'm getting my snacks!" Dean assured. "And I'm not sharing any of them with you!" before the angel could say anything about not needing food to sustain him, he threw the Impala into drive and flipped Cas the bird in the rearview mirror. "Shut up!"

The journey back was silent, but he knew it was a hollow victory. Sam and Cas weren't likely to drop this whole thing anytime soon. As a matter of fact, Dean was pretty sure it would only get worse from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up, the next chapter might get a little angsty. ( Apparently I am entirely incapable of writing pure joy.) Please don't hate me. I have my reasons.


	6. At a good, old fashioned sleep over, what dreams may come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys settle down for the night and watch their movie. A conversation with Cas causes Dean to relive all his regrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this one is long. Long and angsty. To be fair, it was originally planned as two separate chapters, but the second part was lacking in original content and it almost felt wrong to post it alone. I'm sorry for this.

As soon as they got in the room, Sam and Dean started rummaging through their duffles bags for their pyjamas. It really had been a long day and neither of them felt like wasting time, after the play was over, to get undressed. This way they could just pop it in, get it over with and go to sleep. Meanwhile, Cas stood awkwardly in the corner holding the bag of various snacks for Dean. 

"Watchya doing there Cas?" Dean asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

" I'm waiting for you two to get comfortable." Cas replied as though it was obvious.

" Okay...but what about you dude?"

" Ah....yes..." Cas set the bag down on the small table and grabbed his suit and trenchcoat off of the couch, setting them aside as he began to unbutton his shirt.

" No, man. Get comfortable, not dressed for an interview." Sam laughed. Cas stood still, eyes shifting between the brothers and his clothes, obviously confused about what they meant by 'comfortable'.

"Pyjamas, Cas." Dean snapped. "You know, sleep wear? Lounge clothes?" 

The angel shook his head "I...I don't..."

"You mean to tell us, you never owned a pair of PJs?" Dean scoffed. Cas just shook his head again. "What the hell did you sleep in when you were human then?" Cas's mouth opened to say something, but instead he just dropped his head and looked back over at the clothes on the couch. 

Trying to avoid the overwhelming guilt threatening to bubble up inside him, like it did every time he thought about the hell he put his best friend though when he was a human, Dean shuffled back through his bag and pulled out his spare pair of flannel pants and an old Zeppelin shirt, tossing them to the angel. "Here, borrow these. It ain't a slumber party without pyjamas."

Cas caught the poorly tossed clothes with acute accuracy, eyes focused on the floor. " Are....are you sure, Dean?"

"Well you can borrow something of Sam's instead, if you don't mind being swallowed alive, I don't care." Dean finished changing and placed his bag in the closet. " All I know is, ya ain't crawling in my bed wearing that hideous, tan, security blanket of yours."

Dean caught himself a second too late, turning to face the twin smirks that he had come to despise over the past few hours. "So, Cas is going to be crawling in your bed then, Dean?" Sam smirked.

"Shut up! I'm just thinking logically here. No one's going to be able to see the TV from the couch and Chuck knows you need an entire island to yourself sasquatch. Ain't no way in hell the two of you are fittin' on a queen." Dean shoved past them to the table and grabbed a beer and a bag of jerky, snagging the DVD from the discarded jacket before heading to the TV. "Though, if you guys feel like cuddling up nice and tight while we relive our trauma, far be it from me to stop you." He put the DVD in it's slot, grabbed the remote, plopped down on the far side of the bed, opened his beer and took a sip. "I'm just trying to make sure everyone is comfy, during this torture." He used his teeth to tear open the jerk and victoriously popped a smaller piece into his mouth, satisfied with his explanation.

"Alright, man" Sam conceded, half-heartedly. "Whatever you say." The other two men finished changing while Dean turned on the TV and set it to the DVD option. Sam placed his duffle next to Dean's in the closet and made his way to the other bed, spreading out comfortably taking it up almost entirely, only proving his brother's point. Cas placed his own duffle beside the couch and walked over to Dean's bed, sitting of the end and crossing his legs beneath him. Dean fought the urge to tell him to lay out and get cozy (no need to add fuel to the fire) and hit play.

The brothers would never admit it out loud if you asked them, but seeing the play for the first time, without being shocked by its existence or hunting down a scarecrow, it was actually pretty enjoyable. Dean had already found the songs he had heard pretty catchy and the ones that he hadn't didn't dissapoint in that category either. It was almost cathartic watching their lives played out before them coupled with showtunes. Comical even. Cas had eventually settled back on the bed, asking the other two questions about the particular cases he wasn't exactly privy to, absentmindedly nibbling on the snacks that Dean had placed on the bed between them, not even minding the taste of molecules. 

By the time it came to Castiel's entrance, all three of them were completely enthralled by the story. It was one thing to live it, it was completely different watching it. Especially set to such intense music. Sam was the most interested at that particular part, considering he was the only one in the room who wasn't actually present at the time. Every scene involving the two of them afterwards, however, made Dean start to realize why people assumed they were together. He couldn't deny, after hearing his own words to the guy repeated back to him, that their conversations did come off as slightly flirtatious. They knew it was ironically, of course, but he could see where an outside party may get it confused to the point of placing them together. He made a mental note to tone it down for his own sake, before remembering that it almost didn't really matter since Chuck was done writing about them. It did make him uncomfortable though, watching how much the two of them fought, verbally and physically. He silently wondered if they still behaved that way. 

"Look!" Cas pointed to the TV. " there you are!" They all watched as the real Dean was tossed across the stage trying to gank the scarecrow.

"Ha, yeah I forgot about that." Dean chuckled. They found themselves clapping as Marie drove a stake into the beast and watched it explode. If only that was the weirdest part of the whole thing. Shortly after, they watched the robots take the stage, which had now been set up to look like space. 

"You never told me you went space." Cas said in a mock pout

"You know we didn't Cas!" Dean chided "This is obviously just Marie's imagination getting away from her."

Cas just shrugged. "How should I know. Apparently, there are plenty of cases you never told me about."

Dean rolled his eyes and nugded Cas's shoulder with his own. " Just shut up and watch....wait... NO!" He tried to cover the angel's eyes from what was happening on the screen but failed.

"So you are a woman!" Cas laughed. "Or at least you were at one point."

"Not funny Cas! You know this is fake!" 

"Maybe, maybe not," Cas mused "Like I said, you seem to hide a lot of things from me..."

"Oh, come on! Back me up here Sammy!" Dean looked to Sam for support, only to discover he had fallen asleep. "Traitor." He mumbled in his brother's direction. Cas huffed another small laugh and the two of them continued to watch the rest of the play in silence. As the curtain closed after the (admittedly beautiful) cover of 'Carry on Wayward Son' Dean stretched out in an exaggerated yawn. "Well, there you have it. You happy now?"

A dark look passed across the angel's face for half a second before he licked his lips and sat up. He crossed his legs, placed his hands him his lap, then turned to Dean and smiled. "I am satisfied, yes. Thank you."

" Hey, uh, Cas..." About a million questions crossed the hunter's mind at that moment, but he settled on the one that had been nagging him most of the night. "back at the party, in the theater...what uh...what made you cry..."

Cas sighed and rolled his eyes "I am a celestial being. I don't 'cry', Dean."

" Fine," Dean huffed. "what made your eyes get all watery and puffy like that then."

Cas was silent for a moment, before dropping his head to stare at his hands. "Those women. Their love for each other is so pure, so beautiful. It radiates from their very cores and shines so bright....that was my father's intention when he created humanity. To love each others as he loved you." He paused. "Of all the human emotions I have experienced in my time on earth....I fear love like that will always elude me. I thought I knew what it was to have love....but that was just obedience....I have fallen in so many ways. By all rights, I have experienced just about everything humanity has to offer. But love like that....I suppose it is just not in the cards for me with the life I have chosen."

Dean knew what he meant. He couldn't sympathize with anything more. The life of a hunter wasn't exactly overflowing with romance. Even when they tried to chase the apple pie life, it always came back to haunt them. It didn't stop him from trying to clear the tension in the air. "Hey, don't talk like that. You're still young," Cas opened his mouth to protest, but Dean cut him off " Okay, you're not young, but you still have your whole life ahead of you! You ain't gonna be stuck trying to save the world forever. Hell, I've been thinking about retirement myself lately, once all this Michael mess is over." 

Cas shot him a skeptical glance. "Really?"

_'Damn, him.' _Dean thought to himself. It was like the angel always knew when he was lying. "Sure." he said. "We ain't the only hunters around. Sam's got a pretty nice network set up, and once all the people from that other world figure out how to tell their ass from their elbow, there'll be plenty of people to deal with the next 'end of the world' situation." He gave his friend his best fake smile, only to be met with a face of doubt. He licked his lips and took a breath. "Besides, what are you worried about? Like you said, you're old as dirt. A few years is nothing to you."__

__"A few years of crippling loneliness is an eternity compared to a millennia of blissful ignorance." Cas replied cryptically. Then he let out a resigned sigh and forced a smile of his own. "But I suppose you are right. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon...." the laugh that followed his statement was unsettling._ _

__Dean decided to let it go and slapped his friend on the back. "That's the spirit! Besides, you always got me and Sam till then." The silence was deadly after that. "......Hey ,Cas....Thank you....."_ _

__"For what?"_ _

__"You know," Dean shrugged "for everything. I just feel like I don't say it enough. You mean the world to us, and we wouldn't have gotten this far without you. I mean you sacrificed your entire existence for us and we just....thank you."_ _

__Cas sighed and turned his head away from Dean. "Always, Dean. I owe you so much. I will always do everything I can for you." He slipped off the edge of the bed and snapped his fingers to turn off the light and TV. "Get some sleep. We have a long drive home. Goodnight, Dean."_ _

__Dean heard him walk over to the couch and plop down, reaching for his duffle bag. " ' Night Cas." He tried to block out the sounds of Cas changing into his usual clothes, as he closed his eyes and rolled over, the angel's words still swimming through his head as he drifted off to sleep._ _

__*****_ _

__

__"Where's Cas?" He asked chuck_ _

__" He's dead. Or gone. The Archangel smote the crap out of him. I'm sorry."_ _

__"You're sure? Maybe he just vanished into the light or something..."_ _

__"Ah, no he like exploded! Like a....water balloon of chunky soup."_ _

__Sam pointed to something in Chuck's hair. " You got a..."_ _

__Any doubt that Cas was actually gone was washed away as Chuck pulled the tooth from his head._ _

__" Is that a molar? Do I have a molar in my hair?! This has been a really stressful day."_ _

__Dean felt the loss of his friend flow through him like a river " Cas, you stupid bastard."_ _

__" Stupid?" Sam turned on Dean. "He was trying to help us."_ _

__" Yeah, exactly."_ _

___' I will always do everything I can for you' ____ _

____~~~~~_ _ _ _

____"Hey, ass-butt!" Castiel threw the  
burning bottle at Michael, who was instantly engulfed by the flames. _ _ _ _

____"Ass-butt"?_ _ _ _

____"He'll be back – and upset – but you got your five minutes."_ _ _ _

____Lucifer turned on Cas with rage in his eyes. "Castiel. Did you just Molotov my brother ...with holy fire?!"_ _ _ _

____"Uh... no." Cas lied, backing away._ _ _ _

____"No one dicks with Michael but me." And with a snap of Lucifer's fingers, Cas was gone."_ _ _ _

_____'Always' ____ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______~~~~_ _ _ _ _ _

______Dean, Sam and Bobby ran to the edge of the resevior and watched as the Leviathan walk Cas's body to the middle. He disappeared under the water as an inky black whirlpool took his place and vanished._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Aw, hell. " Bobby grumbled_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______"Damn it." Dean breathed._ _ _ _ _ _

______"You said it. Those... whatever you call 'ems..."_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Leviathan." Sam filled in._ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______"Right. If they’re in the pipes, they got themselves a highway to anywhere."_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______"Awesome." Dean's breath caught in his throat as he watched the trenchcoat float to the shore. They may have been fighting, but Cas was his best friend. He pulled the coat out of the water, he wanted to hold on to anything of the guy's that he could. "Okay. So he’s gone."_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______"Yup." Bobby said. "Rest in peace. "If that’s in the cards."_ _ _ _ _ _

______ _ _ _ _

______"Dumb son of a bitch." Dean said, fighting back tears. He folded the trenchcoat an gripped it tight._ _ _ _ _ _

______"Well, he was friends with us, wasn’t he? Can’t get much dumber than that. "_ _ _ _ _ _

_______'....I suppose it is just not in the cards for me with the life I have chosen.' _  
~~~~~~__ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Cas! Damnit, come on." He yelled as they reached the top of the mountain. The portal was closing fast and he had to get them out of there. He swung his legs over the entrance and turned to see Cas still struggling behind him. "Come on!" he yelled again, holding out his hand. Cas grabbed on and Dean held him tight. "I got you, hold on!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Dean."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Hold on!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________"Dean." Cas's face set in grim determination and he let go and shoved Dean away. "Go!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________'I have fallen in so many ways.' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________~~~~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Dean kicked open the door of the apartment to see Cas cut and bleeding on a chair in front of him. "Cas!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________The reaper shoved the angel blade through Cas's stomach. Dean went after her in a blind rage followed by Sam, only for both of them to be tossed aside like rag dolls. She kicked Dean's blade aside and turned her attention to Sam in the closet. Dean took the opportunity to sneak around the chair and pull the blade from his friend's gut._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"This girl's popular with all the boys." the reaper said before turning around to be stabbed by Dean. He held the blade in her gut, a little longer than necessary to kill her, and let her fall to the floor before running back to the chair containing his dead friend. He wasn't sure how many times he called Cas's name trying desperately to wake him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________'By all rights I have experienced just about everything humanity has to offer. But love like that....' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________~~~~~~  
"No! You're not." Cas said firmly "Maybe you could fight the Mark for years. Maybe centuries, like Cain did. But you cannot fight it forever. And when you finally turn, and you will turn... Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you love... they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I'm the one who will have to watch you murder the world. So if there's even a small chance that we can save you, I won't let you walk out of this room."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Oh you think you have a choice." Dean barked back._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"I think the Mark is changing you."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"You're wrong."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Am I? Because the Dean Winchester I know would never have murdered that kid."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Yeah well, that Dean's always been kind of a dick." Dean scoffed as he beagn to walk away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Cas grabbed him by the arm. "Dean. I don't wanna have to hurt you."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"I don't think that's gonna be a problem."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Dean wrenched Cas's hand off of his shoulder, and punched him hard in the face._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Dean." Cas pleaded._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Dean started to punch Cas over and over, then threw him on the floor. He started to make his way to the door when he heard the angel speak._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Dean. Stop."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Halfway to the door he turned around and began tossing the angle around the room He smashed his head several times against a desk before tossing Cas on the floor, half conscious and coughing up blood, He pulled the angel blade from Cas's coat and grabed his tie, prepared to stab him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Cas gripped tight on to his hand. "No, Dean. Please." he begged, blood trickling from his mouth._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Dean rammed the blade into a book, inches from the angel's face. and walked away. "You and Sam stay the hell away from me. Next time I won't miss."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________'I owe you so much' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________~~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The relief he felt seeing Cas step through the portal was short lived. all he could do was watch in horror as the tip of an angel blade appeared through his chest. "No!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Lucifer. The events after seemed to play out in slow motion. He watched helplessly as his mother was dragged back to the other world with Lucifer. He felt the static in the air cause by the nephilim that had been born not minutes ago. Sam ran into the house but Dean couldn't move. He fell to his knees, heart broken by the sight of wings scorched into the dirt under Cas. He was gone..... really gone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________'Castiel? Oh he's uh... he's not here. You see he has this weakness. He likes you.' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________' You have me confused for the other angel. You know the one in the dirty trenchcoat who's in love with you' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________'When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost!' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________________You know, when I knew Castiel, he was a soldier. He was a warrior. He was an angel's angel. Now look how far he's fallen. No wings, no home. Just a ratty old coat and a pair of poorly trained monkeys. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________________'Castiel? he's dead. All the way dead, because of you.' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________________'Always, Dean. I will always do everything I can for you' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________The world was shaking. Dean felt sick to his stomach. The tremors tearing through his body, threatening to rip him apart._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Dean."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________His breathing was shallow. it felt like he was drowning._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Dean!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________His head was pounding. His heart threatened to beat out of his chest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________"DEAN!"  
*****  
Dean's eyes shot open to reveal Castiel standing over him with his hands firmly gripping Dean's shoulders, panic and worry clouding his face. Sam was looming just behind the angel wearing a similar expression. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Dean, are you okay?!" Cas demanded. "Is it Michael?!" Cas lifted his fingers to place them on the hunter's temple._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Dean brushed his hand away. "M' fine." he grumbled, still half asleep. "what's with the hover party?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Cas stood and he and Sam shared a weary look. "You were screaming in your sleep, Dean". Sam answered. "Bad. We thought..."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Dean only then became aware that he was drenched in sweat and tangled in sheets. He sat up and unwrapped himself and ran his hands over his face. " No. No I'm fine. Just your garden variety nightmares I guess."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Are you sure man?" Sam asked "Cuz I haven't seen you thrash around like that since..."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"I'm good, Sam." Dean cut him off. "I promise. What time is it anyway?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"It's 5:47 AM." Cas stated. "You've had approximately four and a half hours of sleep."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Perfect. Let's get ready to roll out then." Dean said hopping up._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Dude, we can't even check out for another hour." Sam said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"You're the one who wanting to get an early start, Sam."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Not, 'ass crack of dawn' early."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Well I ain't going back to sleep." Dean said. "So, I'mma take a shower and get some coffee while you catch up on your beauty rest." He marched toward the closet to grab his duffle when a strong hand gripped him by the shoulder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Are you sure you're okay?" Cas asked him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________________________'No.' _Dean thought to himself. " I'm fine, Cas, really. I'm just ready to get back home."__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________"Alright. You go take your shower then. I'll go get some coffee for you." Cas took two steps away and then turned his face back to Dean "....dear...."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________Dean knew Cas was just trying to lighten the mood with his little joke, but because of his nightmares, he couldn't stand the thought of the angel lifting another finger to help him. " Cas, really, you don't have to do that, man...."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________"I want to," Cas assured. "After all, that's what boyfriends are for."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed his clothes, making his way to the bathroom. "Hope you enjoyed that, cause that was your last one."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you." Cas smiled._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________"I know it. You're done, angel!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________" Not gonna happen, human!"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________________"Nice, pet name, Dean." Sam laughed as Dean slammed the door to the bathroom. He rested his back against the door and slid to the ground burying his face in his hands. The guilt was killing him, sure, but he was mostly hoping this whole 'Destiel' crap would be over by the time they got home._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say that I hate doing this to Dean. I have never resonated with a character so much in my life. He might be my spirit animal. So believe me when I say, hurting Dean hurts me more.
> 
> Next chapter has Mary and Jack though, so yay! Happy!


	7. Et tu, Mary?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys learn that Mary doesn't fully understand the nature of Cas and Dean's friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a fun little chapter of giggles at Dean's expense to make up for making everybody relive the horror that is Cas's endless need for self sacrifice.
> 
> Truly I am sorry for that, but sometimes pain is necessary. And, like I always say, you can't spell "Supernatural" without "crippling depression"

When they got back to the bunker, things only got worse. The jokes weren't nearly as frequent, but their ever present threat was maddening. That, coupled with the fact that Dean was now constantly overcome by guilt every time he was in the same room with Castiel, it was enough to drive anyone to extreme measures. He knew the angel would do anything for him. He had died over and over again for Dean's sake. It was only a matter of time before he lost his friend for good and it was all his fault. He had corrupted Cas so much over the past ten years that he was worried he'd never be able to have anything outside of saving the Winchesters. 

He had given up his entire life, his cause, his home, his very existence, just to be with them. And how did Dean repay the guy?....He knew he had to give Cas something, anything. But this...? This had to stop. It was all fun and games when it had been just the three of them, but now they had an audience.

It all started after Mary brought Jack home a day after they got back from Flint. To be fair, it wasn't even Cas or Sam that had brought it up. It's not like Dean could really blame the kid either. As mature as he looked, chronologically, Jack was only about two years old. He didn't exactly understand family dynamics, and to be honest, their family wasn't exactly the Cleaver's, so it's understandable how he could get confused. But it still didn't give his brother and the angel the right to be such complete dicks!

 

"Hey boys," Mary said cheerfully as she entered the bunker. "We're here!"

Jack ran excitedly down the stairs and greeted each of the three men with a hug. " How was your trip? Did you catch the zombie?!"

"It wasn't a zombie." Sam laughed. "It's almost never a zombie."

Jack's face fell a bit. "Yeah," he nodded " I know. I always kinda hope though...."

"It turned out to be a salt and burn." Dean provided. "Wish we woulda known that beforehand. Coulda brought you along. Nice little family vacation, ya know?" Jack could help but smile at that. "What about you, kid? Ya have any fun up at the cabin?" 

"Oh, tons!" Jack smiled eagerly. "Grandma Mary taught me how to shoot an AK."

"Grandma?!" Dean and Sam said in unison, both shooting a worried look up at their mother as she finished desending the stairs.

"I told him it was fine." Mary assured. "I always kind of wanted grandchildren and I figured, considering who he feels his fathers are, it fits."

"Well, okay," Dean said hesitantly as he looked at Jack "but don't expect to be going around here calling me 'dad' or whatever."

 

That's when shit hit the fan. Jack he could excuse. He was a kid. He didn't know any better. But Sam was a grown ass man. "I guess that makes me 'Uncle Sam' then, huh?" The dumb sasquatch chuckled out.

"Shove it, Samantha!" Dean barked.

"Relax, sweetie." Mary said. " It's not a big deal. Besides it's not like I'll be getting any actual grandkids from you. Jack is the perfect replacement."

"What's that supposed to mean?" It came out a little harsher than Dean had intended. He didn't want to snap at his mom, but he really wasn't in the mood to deal with his brother's bullshit.

"Chill, dude!" Sam said. "I think she's referring to my track record with women....not exactly survive around me...aannnd welll....." he paused, taking a precautionary few steps away from Dean "since neither you or Cas can get knocked up..."

" Oh, you're dead!" Dean said turning on Sam.

Cas was losing his frickin mind next to him. "He's right, Dean." The angel gasped out between laughs. "Another nephilim would be most dangerous. Though, I suppose it wouldn't be a problem considering neither of us has a womb." He was doubled over at this point. "Unless there's something you aren't telling me!"

"I'm gonna kill both of you!" Dean yelled. "Slowly!"

Cas and Sam only started to laugh harder, with Jack joining in. Mary, however, was not amused. "I don't understand what's so funny. " she said. "That's pretty much exactly what I meant."

The room, suddenly, went dead quiet. The three older men just stared at her, jaws hitting the floor, while Jack glanced between the oldest Winchester brother and the angel. It was him that finally broke the silence. "I wasn't aware that you two were in a romantic relationship." 

"We're not!" They replied simultaneously.

"You're not?" Mary asked, obviously confused.

"No!" Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing.

" Are you sure?" Mary asked, still in shock.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? My own fucking mother?!" This wasn't happening.

"I'm sorry, Dean, I just assumed..."

"I can't believe this!" Dean spun around and started marching towards his room. "I'm not dealing with this anymore!" And with that he was gone.

*****

Dean had been brooding in his room for an hour, before he heard a knock on his door. " Go away." he mumbled. He didn't feel like being anywhere near his family right now.

"Dean, sweetie, it's me." Mary's voice came from the other side of the door. "Can we talk?"

" No." He grunted. She opened the door and stepped in anyway. "Mom! C'mon! You can't just walk into a man's room. I could've been naked for all you know!"

"I'm your mother, Dean." Mary saiad as she closed the door behind her. "You don't have anything I haven't already seen." she crossed the room and pulled out the chair by the desk, flipping around to sit on it backwards. 

" Yeah," Dean scoffed. " like 36 years ago. Things change mom."  
Mary placed her arms on the back of the chair and rested her chin on the back of her hands. "What? What do you want?"

Mary sighed and gave her son a sad smile. " I want to talk, Dean." she replied. "Sam explained to me what was going on. I just want to talk about what happened out there."

"Nah. I'm good." 

"Dean..."

" What do you want to talk about, huh?!" he sat up and placed himself on the end of his bed, refusing to look at his mother. "How God wrote frickin books about my life? How people have actually read those books and know intimate details about me I don't even talk to my brother about? How the people who read those books seem to think I'm banging my best friend and write stories about us?! How he and my brother, the two people in this world I trust more than anybody, are having a grand ol' time making fun of me about it?! Or! OR, do you wanna talk about the fact that my own FUCKING MOTHER thought we were in some weird gay relationship!?"

"I never said you were gay."

"REALLY?! That's your takeaway? What would you call in then, huh?!"

"There's such a thing as bisexuals."

"Seriously, mom?!" 

"I wouldn't judge you."

" That is so NOT the point!" Dean screamed.

 

" It was a simple mistake, Dean." She replied, remaining calm.

"How?!" He yelled as he stood up and glared daown at her "How is that a 'simple mistake'? What could possibly make you think Cas and I were... together?" he spat out.

Mary sighed as she lifted her head to meet her son's eyes. "I see how much you two care for each other. Hell, Dean when I first met Castiel I tried to shoot him and you jumped in front of my gun."

" So?!"

"He's an angel. You're human. A bullet can kill you. The most it would have done to him was put a hole in his clothes and yet you put yourself in harm's way to protect him." She stated matter of factly. "Not to mention how you two greet each other and the constant staring! He was a wreck when you were taken by the government. I've rarely seen someone so distraught, when I have it was usually because someone lost the love of their life. He played his mix tape all the way to Colorado. The one YOU gave him."

"It's Zeppelin." Dean said in defense. "Someone's gotta teach the guy about good music."

Mary just rolled her eyes. "He killed a reaper to save us, Dean. He told you he loved you when he thought he was dying." She held up her hand to stop Dean's protest. "I know he said it to all of us, but I just assumed the first one was just for you. He died for you.... Don't you see how that might be a little confusing?"

"What, now it's I crime for two dudes to care about each other?" Dean shrugged. The guilt was starting to boil back up again and he needed to deflect. "I die for Sam every couple of years, you don't see us walking down the aisle!"

" That's different."

"How?"

"Sam's your brother." she said.

"So's Cas! He's family mom. I thought you knew that."

Mary just shook her head in resignation "I never said he wasn't. I was just a little confused on the extent."

"Yeah, well now you know...." The room went silent for a minute as they gauged each other's moods before Dean finally broke. "I'm sorry I blew up on you. It's just that those two have been fucking relentless ever since Cas found out about that damn play."

" Yes, we'll, I can't imagine these past few days have been easy on you." she stood up and gave him an affectionate pat on the shoulder. "It will be interesting to see how others came to the same conclusion I did when I watch it."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Castiel said he had a copy of the play." Mary replied. "He told Jack and I he would watch it with us, since he enjoyed it so much the first time."

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "I don't think that's such a good idea mom."

" Why not?"

He rubbed his hand down his face and looked her in the eye. " There's some stuff in there you may not like. Stuff about me..and Sam...and dad....."

"I'm a big girl, Dean." she assured. "I think I can handle it. Besides....the things I've heard since I've been back...the things I heard when John....I think it's about time for me to learn about what I missed while I was gone. I really can't think of a better way to play catch-up. I planned on staying a few extra days to spend some time with you boys anyway. Now we'll have something to talk about."

He knew by the look of determination on her face that she wasn't going to be swayed. It was the same one he had worn on his own. Stubborn breeds stubborn. "Fine. Just...promise you won't judge any of us okay?"

She let of a small laugh as she made her way to the door. "You know me. You know the things I've done. I don't think I'm really in the position to be judging anybody."

"Where you going?" he asked. Now that the situation was defused he was hoping to have a little more one on one time with his mother.

She reached the door and pulled it open, slipping out halfway before turning back to answer. "I have a movie date with my grandson..." then she gave Dean a similar smile to the ones that had been haunting him for the past few days " ...and my son-in-law." She slammed the door and Dean could hear her giggling as she made her way down the hall.

" Son of a bitch!"

That was the moment his whole family had turned against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it would be good for Mary to address all the things she's seen between Dean and Cas since she's been back. Honestly, that's not even the half of it and the fact that people can still deny that there's something between them...
> 
> Anyway, Thanks for the love and stay tuned! Things are about to get messy.


	8. Hell hath no fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is forced to take extreme measures to end the teasing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so begins the downward spiral. I'm starting to get to the core of my original plan for this story, finally. Unfortunately I also keep coming up with more things to add ....

Dean was in hell. 

No, he had been to hell. This was worse.

After Mary and Jack had watched the play, the three men spent most of the rest of the night explaining the parts that were real and the ones that were entirely Marie (why did everyone think Dean was a woman, damnit!). After that the Angel and the nephilim went to another part of the bunker so the boys could have a talk with Mary. She took everything surprisingly well, though she did struggle with a few aspects involving her late husband. It was never her intention to have the boys grow up as hunters.

The fact that John had dragged them into the life for her sake, not to mention the way he treated them growing up, it wasn't sitting well with her at all. " I never wanted this for you boys." She said, wiping away tears. "It's all my fault. And your father....that is not the man I married. He was a good man. He loved you boys. I can't believe he would...." 

Sam reached across the table and placed his hand over Mary's. "Mom it's fine. We know, okay? We made peace with all of that years ago. Besides, Dad apologized when he was here. How many people can say that they actually got closure with their dead father? Really, mom. We're fine." 

"Besides," Dean added "look what we've done with our lives. You saw what the world would've been like if we didn't stop the apocalypse. We grew up rough, but it made us strong enough to save the world. That was because of you." He knew that most of the 'end of the world' problems since then could at least partially be blamed on them as well, but he didn't feel like now was the best time to bring that up.

"I know," Mary sniffled, forcing a smile. "I am so proud of you boys. John was too. You have been through so much and grown into such amazing men."

"Thank you, mom." Sam was fighting back his own tears.

" Yeah, thanks." Dean smiled. It was half hearted. Everything was finally going right. He had made peace with both his parents. Lucifer was gone. He had his brother, a kid, his mom, and his best friend all under one roof, and all of them were safe. It was only a matter of time before things went down hill. More specifically, to the bottom of the ocean. "Well, I'm beat. Why we go hit the sack and have a nice family bonding day tomorrow?"

"That sounds like a great idea." Mary agreed. "Good night, boys. I love you."

"Love you too, mom." Sam stretched out and walked around the table to give her hug. "night."

And that was that. They all went to bed, agreeing to have a nice, normal family day. 

And it was nice.

Until Dean fucked up.

******

The morning went by smooth as silk. The four of them had a nice big breakfast, courtesy of Dean and Jack. Cas had even sat with them. Dean was more than happy to show Jack how to cook a nice meal. Without the use of his grace, the kid had to eat, so Dean figured it was best he learned the basics in case none of them were around to feed him. 

 

The first part of the morning was spent playing various board games. That ended quickly though after a heated argument over the rules of Monopoly. The rest of the morning was spent down in the bunker's shooting gallery. Jack was eager to show off the skills he had learned from Mary. The others used the time to fine tune their aims, turning it into a contest to see who was the best shot. It was pretty much a three way tie between the Winchesters.

It wasn't until it was time for lunch, that Dean had made his fatal mistake. Maybe it was the fact that it hadn't been brought up in almost and entire day, or maybe it was the talk he and Sam had with Mary the night before, but he had all but forgotten about the dagger looming over his head.

"Alright," he said as the group entered the war room " I'm starving. What's everyone thinking for lunch?"

"I'd kill for some sushi right about now." Sam said.

"Gross." Dean turned to Jack to ask him. "What about you kid? Raw fish sound good to you?"

Jack made a face and shook his head. "Pizza actually sounds nice, though."

"I could go for some pizza." Mary agreed.

"Awesome. So that's three for pizza...." Dean wasn't thinking. He should've known better than to poke the bear. But he couldn't resist. He turned to the angel with a smug look on his face and the words poured out of his mouth. "...What about you Cas? Got any suggestions. You didn't even touch your breakfast."

Cas's eyes narrowed and his heart stopped. When the corner of Cas's mouth curled upward he wanted nothing more than to reel the words back in. The angel lifted his eyebrow and Dean wanted to run. "I appreciate your concern, darling, but I'm fine."

When the other three began to crack up, Dean just headed for the stairs. How could he be so careless. The angel had a weapon of mass destruction at his disposal now, the hunter should've known he would use it.

"Dean," Sam shouted up at his brother " Wait! We didn't even tell you what toppings we want."

"You'll eat what I get, or find something else!" Dean barked. He almost made it out of the door until Cas's stuck again.

"Drive safe, dear!"

Dean slammed the door behind him, thankful that he had parked baby out front for once. He didn't think he could survive the walk to the garage.

****

Everything got worse over the next couple days. It seemed like every time Dean turned around, a joke was being made at his expense. Even Jack had gotten in on the action, asking if he was considered an abomination since his parents weren't married, pretending to be hurt. 

Mary took every chance she could to call Cas her son-in-law. Honestly Dean found he was incredibly torn with her part in the debacle. On the one hand, (despite being a massive asshole at the moment) Cas was the most important person in the world to him, besides Sam, and he was happy to see him bonding with his mother. On the other hand, the two of them mocking him together wasn't exactly the type of bonding he was hoping for. At. All.

Sam just played into everyone else's crap. His banter back and forth with Cas wasn't any worse than when this whole mess started, but it wasn't any better either. That, for some reason, pissed Dean off more. The fact that his brother was just so casual about it, like he was just saying what he had been holding back for years. Who the hell did he think he was!?

 

But Cas....Cas was the worst. Dean was already wracked with guilt when it came to the guy. His nightmares kept coming, reminding Dean of everything Cas had lost because of him. The fact that he had moved from casual comments and pet names to suggestive winks and lingering touches only made Dean feel worse. To top it all off Dean was starting to like the attention and that wouldn't fly.

He saw it as a small mercy that they were the only ones in the bunker at the time. The hunters from the other world, that hadn't already found a place of their own, were all out on various cases. At least the universe had granted him that ( he knew Chuck had nothing to do with it.)

Three days.

He made it three days after the pizza incident before he finally snapped.

*****

He was in the kitchen making lunch, when Cas came sauntering in. Dean tried his best to ignore the angel as he focused on the task at hand, but Cas wasn't having it. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his trenchcoat and leaned casually against the door frame "What's cookin' good lookin'?" He smirked.

"Sandwiches." Dean answered shortly. "Want one?"

"Yummy." He pushed himself up with his shoulder and walked up to the island where Dean was working. He leaned down to put elbows on the work top and placed his chin his hands, smiling smugly. "I'm sure the food tastes good, too." Then that son of a bitch winked.

Dean decided right then and there that he needed to go find a bar to pickup a chick that night. The way The angel winked at him should not be exciting him that much. It had been waaaaay too long since he had banged it out with some random floozy. It was the only explanation as to why he could feel his face heating up. "Please stop, Cas...." he begged.

" Why, Dean?" Cas stood up straight and walked around the edge of the island, ever so slowly, hands clasped behind his back and his smile growing more smug by the second. "Does it make you uncomfortable?" He was right beside Dean now. He placed his lips right beside the hunter's ear and whispered "someone offering you something you don't want, or can't have?"

The soft air ghosting over his neck made Dean shiver. He pushed the angel away and took a step back. "Okay, man I get it! I'm sorry. I'll stop." 

The arrogance that had taken over Cas's face set sparks of both fear and longing through Dean's entire being. He hadn't seen that look since Cas had backed him against Bobby's kitchen counter all those years ago, which he was doing the same now. He looked positively...predatory..."Do you get it? I'm not so sure." 

Dean's breathing had gotten heavy. He was trapped with nowhere no hide. The angel's azure eyes were burning into his very soul. Dean knew he was in trouble. This wasn't Cas, his goofy, awkward friend who happened to be a seraph. This was Castiel: Angel of the Lord. " Cas, please! I'm sorry, okay? Just...stop...please..."

Cas placed his hands on either side of Dean, trapping him further. "You seem frightened, Dean." He rumbled, his face barely a few inches from the hunter's. "Funny, considering you seem to have no problem with irritating me for your own amusement." His head tilted to the side and his eyes narrowed and Dean could swear he saw them glow for a second. "Do I frighten you?"

That's when Dean snapped. He was about to lose control, the angel was driving him up the wall, and he had to make it stop. So he did the only thing he could think of as he grabbed Cas by the lapels and closed the distance between them. 

Plan A.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So today may end up being another two chapter day (they're both pretty short anyway but it's necessary keep them separate because of reasons) depending on how much writing I end up getting done. Basically I'm at the point where a chapter a day is laughable if I want to get this thing finished before next week.....so we'll see.....


	9. Don't go breaking my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay chicken turns out to be a bust, when it causes Cas to confront Dean about his intentions with Micheal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright y'all! Here it is. The big to do! 
> 
> To be honest I'm actually kinda struggling with the chapter I'm currently working on (I'll explain later when the time comes) so in the grand scheme of procrastinating, I figure uploading another one today would be a nice distraction. So heads up...
> 
> If you came here thinking this wasn't gonna go anywhere in terms of actual Destiel drama, I hate to break it to you, but you're wrong. Sorry, not sorry, but I promise it gets better than their regular " Cas Dean bitch fest" that goes no where.... you'll see.

As soon as his lips left Cas's, Dean became certain of a few things. First and foremost being, that he was right the first time and gay chicken had been a terrible idea. The kiss was was short, probably no more then a couple of seconds, but damn if it didn't have Dean's heart beating out of his chest. 

Which brought him to his second conclusion that maybe he wasn't 100% straight after all. The signs had always been there, he guessed, but it took him trying to scare off his best friend to get him to realize, he might possibly be seriously attracted to dudes. And speaking of Cas....

He was also fairly sure that he just broke the angel.

 

Cas's arms had fallen limply to his sides. He was standing still as a statue, not even blinking. Dean wasn't even sure if he was breathing (not that he needed to but, still). His eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open. He looked as terrified as he had the night Dean had taken him to a brothel. 

It felt like the silence had dragged on hours before Dean set aside his (maybe not 100% straight, possibly attracted to dudes, definitely have the hots for Cas) thoughts and forced on a smug smile of his own.  
"See," he managed to fake a chuckle. "not so funny now, is it? Two can play at this game, pal." Yep! He definitely broke the angel, as if he needed another reason he was going back to hell. Cas still hadn't moved. "What's wrong Cas? Did I make you uncomfortable? Offering you something you don't want, or can't have?" He smirked, repeating the angel's words back to him. Surely, that would get a reaction out of the guy. And it did. But not the one Dean expected at all. 

Cas pinched the bridge of his nose and turned his face away from the hunter, letting out a long wavering sigh. "You win." 

His words were so quiet, Dean wasn't even sure he had heard them at all. "Cas?" Every ounce of snarkiness had been replaced with concern. For the first time in days Cas didn't look smug, or confident. There wasn't a hint of defiance dancing behind his eyes or a smirk on his lips. Instead he just looked...pained...

Cas quickly schooled his features, donning his usual stoic glare. "I said 'you win', Dean." He huffed. "I'm sorry. I'll drop it." With that, he turned and left the kitchen.

" Cas, wait!" Dean called as he followed after the billowing trenchcoat. Cas was upset and he had no idea why, but he wasn't about to let him just walk away like that. "Where the hell are you going?" He asked when he reach the library and saw Cas walking up the stairs.

"Does it matter?" Cas mumbled back without breaking stride.

"Uh, kinda yeah!" Dean walked up the first few steps. " What's your problem, man?"

Cas stopped at the top of the stairs, holding on to the railing with a white-knuckle grip. "Why do you care?"

"I don't know, man." Dean forced a laugh, trying to lighten the mood " Maybe because you're my friend and you're upset? You're pretty much acting like the biggest sore loser in the world right now."

Cas let go of the railing, curling the fingers on both hands, one by one, into tight fists at his sides. "Did you ever consider, Dean," Cas whipped around holding the hunter in an icy glare, causing him to stop halfway up the stairs. "that perhaps maybe this was more than just a simple game to me?" He took a few steps down causing Dean to take a few back. "That maybe it was a way for me to finally have an upper hand on you? That, maybe, just maybe, in all the years of our friendship I was glad to have you bending to my will for once? Because all of Heaven...and Hell...and everywhere in between knows how I have bent to yours." 

Dean stopped a few steps from the bottom. Guilt was coursing through his veins like ice. Cas wasn't wrong. He had done everything for Dean and everyone knew it. "Cas.... I'm sorry man... I didn't think..."

"That's your problem, Dean. You don't think!" Cas was looming just three steps above Dean now and approaching fast, causing him to stumble backwards off the last couple of of steps and back himself into the room. "You don't talk! You just do! You just jump in, head first, without any consideration on the effects that it might have on the people around you!"

Dean had made it to the other side of the war table. Cas had a very smitey look in his eyes and Dean was pretty sure that he wasn't talking about what happened in the kitchen anymore. "Cas....what are you..." 

"No!" Cas growled. He was in front of Dean in a matter of seconds, causing the man to freeze. "No! You listen to me Dean Winchester!" His words were booming through the room, echoing off the walls. "I know you." He lowered his voice. "I knew you in hell as I fought to pull your battered soul from the pits. I'm the one who put you back together. Piece. By. Piece. I know you, heart, mind, body and soul. I Have walked by your side on this earth for years. I spent a year with you in purgatory, watching you battle every creature imaginable, except your own demons. I know you better than I even know myself. You can't lie to me. You can lie to Jack, probably your mother, and maybe even Sam, but you can't lie to me."

Dean was floored. Everything Cas was saying...the look in his eyes...he couldn't move. His breathing was heavy, and every fiber of his being wanted to run. His brain was screaming at him that he was in danger, but he knew he'd never be able to outrun the angel. "Cas...."

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not stupid!" the air around Cas was practically sizzling. "You have no intention of letting us find another way to get rid of Michael. You never did. You're just biding your time until we're distracted. Until the next disaster rolls our way to pull our focus away while you go off and toss yourself to the bottom of the Pacific, because you believe that it is for the best. Because YOU believe it is the only way!"

Dean just shook his head. ".... Billie's book...."

"Don't!" Cas warned. "Don't you dare. You and I both know you've changed destiny before." Dean opened his mouth to argue, but no words came out. There was no argument to be made. Cas's voice went from harsh to strained. "You know that's not what this is about. You're just giving up. You think the world will be better off without you and your using Michael as an excuse. You don't even care that there are those of us who don't want to live in a world, safer or not, that doesn't have you in it."

Dean was heart broken. He was being selfish, he knew that he was. But hearing his thoughts told to him...by Cas...seeing that look of betrayal and hurt on the angel's face...Cas knew. He knew the whole time. The guilt had finally taken its toll on on Dean. He felt his eyes well up with tears as he lowered his head and scratched the back of it, fighting with himself to find the right words. "Cas, I... I'm so sorry....I just..."

Castiel let a cold humorless laugh. He rubbed his hands over his face and shook his head. "You know what? Save it Dean." When he made eye contact with the hunter, Dean cold see the sad, tired look that dulled his grace. "It doesn't matter. Hunter's don't have long shelf lives anyway, you've said it yourself. Sure it'll hurt your mom, probably destroy Sam, but they won't have to live with the pain that long. They'll probably be dead in a few years too." His voice was beginning to sound hysterical. "Jack's practically a mortal now himself. I actually don't even know the natural life span of a nephilim, none have really been left alive long enough to conduct a study. If the few remaining angels don't decide to kill him.... I'm sure his lack of grace will take him, as well. So, really Dean, it's fine, because the only person who will be around long enough to truly suffer the consequences of your actions is me. God, knows I'm not going anywhere...." he turned away, his voice beginning to crack "you'll all be gone...and I'll still be right here."

 

_'Sam, and everyone you know, everyone you love... they could be long dead. Everyone except me. I'm the one who will have to watch you murder the world' ___

__Dean felt as though the floor had fallen out from under him. He was falling through an endless void, desperate to reach out for his friend for safety. He wanted so badly to cling to him. To scream out that he was sorry for everything and promise never to leave. To promise to keep fighting...but he knew that he couldn't promise those things. He couldn't lie to him. Cas had given him everything and Dean did nothing but let him down. there was no point in trying to give the angel hope when they both knew there was none to be had. He was stuck, wanting, more than anything, to make it better but knowing he never could. He wanted to at least say something, anything, but he couldn't even manage a single noise, until the angel began to walk away._ _

__"... don't...please... don't go...Cas, please I...."_ _

__Those were the only pathetic words he managed to utter before he found himself thrust against the wall behind him. Cas's lips were slotted perfectly against his, desperate, hungry. His hands gripped tight the sides of Dean's head, their bodies flush. He could feel every inch of the angel pressed against him. The ability to move, to breath, had completely disappeared from the hunter's mind. And he didn't care. The only thing he knew in those few moments, the only thing he wanted to know, was Cas. By the time his brain caught up with him though, Cas's lips were gone._ _

__"Goodbye, Dean." Cas whispered. He stepped back, turned away and began walking towards the hall. "I'm gathering my things, and then I'm leaving. I refuse to stay around and watch you throw away your life."_ _

__Dean was in utter and complete shock. He stood frozen as he watched the angel disappear down the hall. "wait.." he whispered meekly, hoping the word would some how reach Cas's ears. " Cas, wait." He managed a little louder. His legs regained the ability to carry him and he started running down the hallway. "Cas! Damnit! Get your ass back here! Castiel!"_ _

__He ran through the halls towards the rooms. He had no idea what 'things' Cas even had to gather, but he knew it couldn't be much, which meant it wouldn't take long to grab them and leave. Sure enough, by the time Dean reached his room, there was no sign of the angel._ _

__"Son of A BITCH!!!!"_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, it's killing me not to upload everything I've got right now, but it's necessary for the process. 
> 
> Also thank you so much for the encouragement. I hope I don't let anyone down with where this is going.
> 
> Next up: Dean uses actual words 😱
> 
> ....kinda....


	10. Talk to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean puts the bunker on lock down to keep Cas in until they can talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As we all know, Dean tends to take extreme measures to solve his problems. This is no exception. But he kinda uses his words for once so it makes up for it.
> 
> *Disclaimer at the bottom. Please read.*

Dean ran back to the war room and threw open the cabinet where they kept the  
keys to all the cars. 

"Dean, is everything okay? We heard yelling." Mary said as her and Jack entered  
the room.

"Where's, Sam?" Dean barked ignoring his mother's question. He took a quick  
inventory of all the keys, noticing that only the Impala's missing and began  
shoving them into his pockets. 

"He went out on a supply run to pick up a few things you guys were running low  
on." Mary answered slowly. "What's..."

"Good." Dean slammed the cabinet shut. " Call him and tell him to take his  
time." He pulled a chair over to the stairs then grabbed Mary and sat her down. "I need you to stay right here and guard the door. No one in, no one out! Got it?" He pulled a gun from under the table and placed it in her hand.

"Dean what's wrong?" Mary demanded. "What happened?"

"I'm a fucking idiot. That's what." Dean marched back over to Jack and grabbed him by the shoulder, pushing him down the hall. "Come with me kid." He turned his head back towards Mary before they left the room. " I mean it, mom. Don't let Cas walk out that door, whatever it takes." Before Mary could ask any more  
questions Dean had Jack moving toward the garage.

He stopped by his room, pulling all the keys from his pockets and locking them  
in his desk. Dean realized halfway to the garage that Cas probably wouldn't need  
a key if he really wanted to leave. He could probably just use his angel juice to hijack one of the cars. That fear was quickly washed away though when they reached the garage and saw all the vehicles parked in their respective spots.

"So, remember how I taught you how to wash and wax Baby?" Dean to Jack said as  
he gathered the Car washing supplies from the closet. He figured it was bet to talk calm to the kid and keep him distracted. No sense in freaking him out. Plus he was pretty sure Cas wouldn't just waltz past his damn son and leave without an explanation.

"Yes, Dean. I remember." Jack smiled proudly.

"Good." Dean said, handing the bucket over to Jack. "See this row of cars right here? I've been meaning to give them a good shine but I've been a little distracted. Think you could take care of it for me?" Jack nodded eagerly in response. "Awesome! You're the best." Dean said, patting him on the shoulder. "And hey, if your dad come through here, maybe you can ask him to help you out or something, okay? Just uh, make sure he doesn't get in his truck or anything."

Jack tilted his head and furrowed his brow in a way that was so reminiscent of Cas, it was almost impossible to remember he wasn't the kid's biological father. "Did something happen between you and Castiel?" He asked " Grandma Mary and I heard something from the 'Dean Cave'. He sounded....angry."

Dean placed a comforting hand on the nephilim's shoulder and looked him in the  
eyes. "Look, I'm gonna fix this, okay? Don't worry. I don't know how, but I'm gonna make this right." Jack gave a broad smile and nodded, before he set off to his given task. "Just, if he comes in here, don't let him leave. He's not gonna say no to you." He shouted back as he left the garage.

******

Dean had been searching the bunker for over an hour before the panic set in. He only had ten more doors to go when he started to think at maybe Cas had slipped by him and snuck out before he had the chance to lock everything down. Then he heard something clatter behind one of the doors as he passed it followed by a quiet, yet gruff "Son of a bitch." 

Dean couldn't help but smile. He was relieved, for sure, but that wasn't the only reason. Hearing Cas use profanity was a rare treat in its own right. Hearing him use Dean's most common phrase, for some reason, made the hunter's heart swell with pride.

He pulled out his phone and shot a quick text to let Jack and Mary know that he  
had been found, and they were free to leave their posts, before placing his phone back in his pocket and approaching the door. It was locked. "Cas? You in there, buddy?"

"Go away Dean." Cas replied from the other side.

Dean juggled the handle again. "C'mon Cas, let me in."

"No."

Dean thought about pulling out his lock- pick, but decided against it, considering  
who he was dealing with. He kept his hand in the handle and dropped his forehead to the door. "So, is this your plan? You just gonna hide out in there forever?"

"No. My plan was to leave and never come back, so I wouldn't have to see your  
stupid face ever again." Cas answered back. Dean could practically feel the angel's eyes rolling from the other side of the door. "However, someone decided to place their sentries at the exits preventing me from escaping. I was just  
going to hide out here until you all eventually had to sleep."

Dean let out a small chuckle at his little victory. "C'mon, Cas. Let me in. I just wanna talk."

"Funny," the angel deadpanned " I was pretty sure we established that is  
something you don't do."

Dean slid down the door and turned his back to it, resting his head against the frame. He was right. He never talked about anything. Eventually, he would have tosleep and Cas would just waltz right past him and be gone. Forever. Dean  
couldn't let that happen. He had to think of something. He had to talk. 

The silence seemed to go on forever as Dean racked his brain on where to even begin. Then it came to him. "When I was 19 I was dating this chick. She made me try on this pair of silky pink panties. I didn't hate it." Silence. "I kissed a  
dude once when I was a kid. Or he kissed me. I don't know it was weird..."

"... Dean...?"

"Dad had left me in this place when I got popped steeling food for me and Sammy. He was pissed 'cuz I had gambled away all our food money, so he just left me there and told me I could rot."

"Dean."

"...anyway I had been there for a while, and we were all out working in the barn and this kid just walks on up and plants one on me. I kissed the hot girl who Used to come over to teach us guitar the next day though, so I figured it was cool."

"Dean!"

" Lisa was into some pretty weird shit. She used to stick stuff up my...."

"DEAN!"

"What?"

The angel let out a long sigh and Dean could hear him slide down the other side of the door. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Hey, you said I never talk." Dean shrugged. "So, here I am. I'm talking."

"I don't understand what any of what you just said has to do with anything." Cas  
mumbled.

Dean just smiled. "I've never told anyone about any of that shit. Ever. Save the panties thing, but I don't think that counts since the only other person I told that to was myself."

"Then why are you telling me?" Cas asked.

Dean just continued his string of confessions. "I used to be jealous of Sam, ya know. I hated him actually. He got to go off and be his own person while I was stuck being dad's personal  
punching bag."

Cas stayed quiet for a moment. Dean was almost ready to give up when he heard  
the angel speak. "I once stepped on a fish, just because Raphael told me not to."

Dean laughed. "Sounds about right." Bingo! They were talking! "I dropped Sam on  
his head when he was a baby. I always kinda wondered if that's what's really wrong with him."

"I've opened your laptop to do research and found your pornography. Several  
times."

"That's not really surprising." Dean chuckled.

" I uh...." Cas paused "I didn't always, exactly...click out of it right away..."

"Well, that's not very angelic."

"Yeah, well neither am I." Cas scoffed.

"Hey c'mon man that's not true." Dean retorted. " I distinctly remember you being up to your ass in holy wrath when we first met. Not your fault I fucked that up."

"No, I've always been rebellious." Cas assured.  
"Naomi told me they had to rewire me several times. I suppose that's why they gave me my own garrison to command. To keep me out of trouble."

"I guess that bit 'em in the ass." Dean laughed. "If it's any consolation, you used to scare the shit out of me. Still do, sometimes."

"She made me kill you." Cas said quietly.

"Who?" Dean asked, trying to remember a time Cas had ever actually killed him.

"Naomi." Cas answered. "Not the real you of course. A simulation. She said you were my weakness and needed to be eliminated. It took me a thousand times to get it right."

"She made you kill me? A thousand times?" Dean was horrified. " That bitch!"

"Didn't matter though." Cas chuckled. "When it came to actually go through with it I just.... I couldn't do it."

"Was this back in Lucifer's tomb? With the angel tablet and what not?" Dean asked.

"Yeah."

"You never did tell me what snapped you out of that bitch's control." Dean said. "A thousand times, really?"

"I guess none of the simulations begged as pathetically as the real you did." Cas snarked. "Really, Dean, it was pitiful. You should have seen yourself. I have often contemplated on whether it would have been a mercy to just put you out of your misery. Like a wounded animal." He laughed.

"Hey, now!" Dean chuckled. " Actually, you know what? You're probably right. Coulda saved us all a lot of grief." The two of them sat and laughed for a while on their respective sides of the door. "I'm sorry you had to go through that,  
man." Dean said, after they fell silent again. "Seems like knowing me has kinda screwed up your entire life."

"That's not true, Dean." Cas argued.

Dean took a deep breath and placed his head on his knees. "Actually it is.  
Those nightmares I've been having? They haven't been about Michael. They.... they're about you Cas."

"...me?"

Dean threw his head back against the door and took a steadying breath. "Every time I close my eyes all I can see is you. All the times I let you down. All the times I got you killed. Every damn night, when I go to sleep, I have to watch  
you die over and over again knowing it was my fault." He pressed both hands against his eyes trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall. "All I see is you. Fucking laying your life down left and right, because I said so. All I hear is everyone telling me how bad I screwed you up. Every damn night, I have to watch give up every chance at a happy, normal life because...because I can't let you go."

 

The door unlocked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I started this story with a few intentions and well
> 
> * Disclaimer*
> 
> The jury is no longer out on smut. It will be happening. I apologise if that upsets some people but honestly it was part of my plan in the first place. 
> 
> If it makes you uncomfortable then I suggest you skip the next couple of chapters... possibly another one as well.
> 
> Anyway. Big things are on their way. Stay tuned.


	11. Pink,purple and blue. All I really need is you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean deals with a part of himself he has been ignoring for too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I'm gonna be honest. I'm procrastinating here. Also kinda projecting my own nerves onto Dean so please excuse Dean's little freak out and moment of almost 0 self confidence. I've said before that I resonate with Dean on many levels so I may have put my own characteristics in him for a bit. Sorry.
> 
> Also, sorry about the title of this chapter. It's stupid, I know, but I couldn't land on a good one so I used the Bi flag, cuz well, why TF not?! 
> 
> So here you go...sorry...

Dean stood up and wiped the moisture from his hands off on his jeans. He took a deep breath and opened the door, which, as it turned out, was to a large storage closet(he really should take some time out and check out all the rooms of the bunker one of these days. He had seen more of it in the past day then he had the entire time they lived there). Cas stood on the opposite wall, his face was red and splotchy, his eyes were swollen and wet. Dean closed the door behind him and locked it. He knew it was pointless. Even if the lock wasn't on the inside, Cas could easily shove past him and blast the door away. It was more of a gesture of safety than anything. " I thought you said angels didn't cry." He smiled, trying to keep the mood light.

Cas turned his head away and chuckled. "I'm just as surprised as you are to be honest." After a while, he turned back to look the hunter square in the eye. "None of what I have done is your fault, Dean. Not one thing." He held up his hand to cut off the protest Dean had started. "Just listen. Yes, you were the one who taught me about free will. That was a gift, not a curse. Yes, everything that has happened to me since I rebelled has been because of you, but not because you demanded it of me. You have no more control over me than Heaven did before you. Everything I've done, every choice I have made since I met you, was exactly that. My choice."

Dean could feel the lump in his throat growing."Cas, if it wasn't for me..."

"If it wasn't for you, the world, as we know it, would be gone." Cas interpreted. "Lucifer and Michael would have destroyed everything you hold dear. If it wasn't for you, Marie and her friends and countless others would've been killed, or worse. If it wasn't for you Sam would've been alone. He would've grown up damaged beyond all hope. If it wasn't for you your mother would still be dead. If it wasn't for you, Dean, I would be nothing. Another soldier in Heaven's ruthless army, bent on carrying out the false will of God."

"I'm not..." Dean was shaking

"I don't regret a single thing I have done for you, Dean. Not one thing. If given the choice to go back in time, before I fell, before I agreed to rescue you from the pits, I wouldn't take it. I would do it all over again exactly the same. Dying and all. For you."

Dean stared into the angel's eyes and knew he was being completely sincere. "....why?"

"I told you. The years I have known you have been the best of my life, and I have had a very long life. A millennia basking in the glory of Heaven is nothing, compared to a few years by your side. No amount of pain or betrayal can ever take that away from me." Cas closed his eyes and lifted his head toward the ceilling then, his words almost to quiet to hear. " I love you." He whispered before dropping his head back to meet Dean's eyes. "You're my brother. My family."

Dean didn't have special angel powers. He hadn't ripped Castiel from hell and put him back together. He hadn't spent countless hours watching the angel sleep, observing him without his knowledge. He wasn't even good at knowing his own feelings let alone anyone else's. But he knew the angel well enough to know which part of his whole speech was a lie. He just couldn't believe he had been to dense to see it before.

"c'mere." He mumbled down at his chest, motioning to Cas with his head.

"What?" Cas asked, clearly not hearing him.

"Come here." Dean said a little louder lifting his head.

"Dean," Cas sighed rolling his eyes. "we are on the bottom floor of an underground bunker, in the middle nowhere, Kansas. Whatever you have to say to me can be said out loud. No one is going to hear you."

"Damnit, Cas! Just come over here before I change my mind!"

Cas inched slowly towards Dean, apprehensive about the hunter's intentions. "What is it?"

As soon as Cas within reach he grabbed the angel by the lapels with his left hand and pulled him in, placing his right hand on the back of the other's head. Not wanting to lose his nerve he waisted no time closing the distance between them. 

Unlike the kisses before, that were desperate and angry, this one was soft and sweet. All the tension that Dean felt with his reluctance melted away as soon as Cas began to react. He let go of the trenchcoat and slipped it down to the small of Cas's back to pull him in closer, letting his other hand fall to the other's neck. Dean tilted his head, deepening the kiss, letting it say everything he wanted to, everything he knew words would never explain. 

Cas placed his hands hand on either side of the hunter's face, gently pulling him away, just far enough to look into his eyes. "Dean..."

Cas's eyes were full of questions and wonder and damn if they weren't the most beautiful things Dean had ever seen. "Shut up, Cas." he smirked as he pulled the angel back in. He lost himself in the angel's embrace. His lips were pure heaven. A shiver ran through his very soul as Cas's hands slid down his back finally landing on his hip. He ran his tongue over Cas's bottom lip, the angel's mouth opening at the invitation and letting his own tongue meet Dean's. 

And just like that, something that was intended to be sweet, turned ravenous.

Dean was sure he had never tasted anything as pure and perfect as Cas. As their tongues battled for dominance, Dean brought both his hands to the back of the angel's neck trying to pull him somehow further in, causing Cas to shove him into the nearest shelf. Never in his wildest dreams, would the hunter have guess he enjoyed being manhandled. Everytime Cas had pushed him before, he figured the rush of excitement had always been adrenaline. But now, as the angel shoved a thigh between Dean's legs, running his thumbs over the top of his jeans, he knew that was probably never the case. It was sinful how hard Cas had made him by his lips alone. Adding a forceful shove here and there, Dean was sure he was about to implode.

Dean bit down on Cas's bottom lip, as soon as he removed his tongue causing the angel to let out a low growl. Dean's breath hitched at the sound and Cas used the opportunity to dive down towards Dean's neck. He ran his hands slowly over Dean's sides, under his shirt as he nipped and kissed his way from just below the hunter's ear, down his neck, across his collar bone and back up to his chin on the other side. "fuck...." Dean panted, letting his head fall back into the shelf behind him. He let his hips roll over Cas's leg, desperate for the friction against his aching cock.

"Dean..." The angel groaned into the hunter's ear, pressing his body tighter against him to halt his movements.

"Cas... please..." he whined desperately trying to move. The angel's own erection pressed against his leg wasn't help the situation, either."

"Dean, stop." Cas commanded in a low, breathy voice.

"Cas. Please." Dean begged clinging desperately to the angel. "You feel so good. I...I want..." to be honest, he wasn't sure what he wanted. All he knew was that he wanted it with Cas. Cas chuckled and gripped him by the throat, only intesefying Dean's ever growing need. It wasn't until he felt the pulse of grace flow through him that he realized Cas's only intention of doing so was to rid the him of the evidence of their make-out session.

"As much as I would love to tend to your every want and need right now, there is the tiny matter of our family." Cas explained releasing his hand. "You probably gave them quite a scare when you made them guard the exits from my departure. I assume they are all rather curious as to wether or not we are safe."

"Nuh- uh." Dean shook his head, and pulled Cas's lips back to his own. "sent a text....told 'em I...found...you... we're good." He said between kisses. 

Cas pulled Dean's hands from the back of his neck, holding them both down tight in one hand, using his other to place two fingers over Dean's lips. "Nevertheless," he smiled taking a step back. They'll be wondering where we are. Not to mention, they'll be hungry soon and since none of them are quite as adept at cooking as you are, they'll come looking for you regardless." Dean just looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and kissed his fingers in response. "We have to leave here at some point." Cas pointed out, removing his fingers from Dean's lips and crossing his arms across his chest.

Dean could think of quite a few reasons why that wasn't a good idea, raging hard on not withstanding. "I don't wanna." He pouted.

"Why?" Cas asked, lifting that damn sexy eyebrow.

Dean reached out and uncrossed Cas's arms to pull him back in close. "Well for one, I'm pretty sure I'd be fine staying in here, kissing you until I starve to death." He gave Cas a hopeful look.

Cas pinned down Dean's hands at his side and pulled back to a safe distance. "No. Try again." 

Dean sighed and turned his head to the side. "I don't know man, it feels a little too literal for me, if you catch my drift."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't wanna come out of the damn closet, okay Cas!" Dean admitted. "Don't get me wrong. This? Definitely wanna see where this goes. Like, hot damn, Cas! That had to be some of the hottest shit I've ever experienced. Seriously, I don't think I've been so turned on in years. But I just....I don't know if I'm ready to face the whole....gay thing...not yet."

"Nobody said you were gay, Dean." Cas rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, dry humping some dude in a closet ain't exactly the straightest thing in world."

"I'm not just 'some dude', Dean." Cas said in an annoyed tone "I'm not even really a 'dude'. I'm an angel."

"A man-shaped angel." Dean pouted

"And you're a man-shaped baby." Cas said, grabbing Dean by the shoulders and turning him around to shove him towards the door. "Now, if you don't want to tell anyone about our activities that's fine. I'm perfectly content having you all to myself. But if you let our family starve because you're too full of yourself to face your own sexuality, there will be no more activities to even speak of."

"All right! Okay, fine! Ya fucking sadist. We'll go." Dean grumbled. He reached for the handle and turned back to Cas. " You know, it's really kinda nice hearing you call them 'our family'." Dean smiled

"Your brother, your mother and my son." Cas smiled back "What else would I refer to them as?"

"Point taken." Dean said as the two of them walked into the hall.

"You know, Dean," Cas said, that air of defiance making it's way back into his voice as he shoved his hands into his pockets "there is such a thing as bisexuals." 

Dean stopped and pointed a finger at the angel. " You and Mom aren't allowed to hang out any more!"

Cas just laughed as he walked ahead of Dean, who was silently cursing that damn trenchcoat for preventing him from checking out the angel's ass.

****

 

"There they are!" Sam said cheerfully, looking up from the card game with Mary and Jack as Dean and Cas entered the War Room. "Heard you guys had a fight. We were starting to worry that you two had killed each other."

"Nah," Dean said lifting up his arms and giving a spin. "Still intact."

Then a wicked smile passed Sam's lips. In light of the past few hours, Dean had almost completely forgotten about what he and Cas started fighting about in the first place. That was, until he saw that evil fucking smirk. "So I guess that means you two kissed and made up?"

Before Dean could even open his mouth, he heard the most horrifying word he could think of slip past Cas's lips. "Yes." The angel said. The world stopped, along with his heart. That son of a bitch! Not ten minutes ago they agreed not to say anything until Dean was ready and there that bastard was screaming it to the entire bunker! How could he fucking do this?! Dean was ready to die on the spot and take Cas down with him until he heard his brother's laughter a few seconds later. 

Oh.

Sam thought he was joking. A wink from his angel confirmed it. No one knew. Cas didn't tell anyone. He wouldn't. He was just playing along. Dean let his body relax and quickly elbowed Cas in the ribs. " Hey, fuck you buddy." Dean said, trying to sound more annoyed than terrified.

Cas turned to Dean and tilted his head, keeping a sarcastic smile on his lips, but only Dean could see the hint of lust behind his eyes. "Promise?"

Oh, this was gonna be fun.

The whole room was filled with laughter now. Dean rolled his eyes and pretended to stomp toward the kitchen. " Yeah, yeah. Yuck it up chuckle heads! You'll get tired of this shit eventually."

"Not a chance!" Sam giggled.

" Whatever." Dean scoffed. "I'm making pasta tonight, if anyone cares. I might consider sharing if you hyenas can stop laughing long enough to hold food in your mouth. Jack, ya coming?" He said on his way out of the room. 

" Right behind you..... Dad..." Jack snickered.

He knew Jack was just trying to fit in with the others, but he'd be lying to himself if he said hearing Jack call him 'dad' didn't make his damn heart grow three fucking sizes. Still, to keep up appearances, Dean whipped around and pointed a finger. "Now see what you've done! You've corropted the fucking kid!C'mon Jack! Let's get you out of here before these asshats can screw you up any further!" With one final glare at the angel, he turned and lead his son....their son...into the kitchen.

*****

Dean was hopeless. He always knew the he and Cas had a stronger bond than anyone else. He always knew what they shared was something that surpassed a simple friendship, or even family for that matter. That fact was never in question. Now that he had figured out why that was, however, it was all he could think about.

At dinner, he found himself wondering what it would be like to share his plate with Cas, Lady and the Tramp style. He even offered the angel a bite, only to be met with a bemused glare and a few jokes around the table at his expense. to be honest though, they started to bother him less and less. 

After the dishes were done he suggested a family movie night. "Really?" Sam asked. " I thought you said something about going out this week. Something about 'nailing every chick you could get your hands on'?"

Sam was right of course. He had said that and, although the prospect of making some broad regret her life decisions did sound a little appealing, it wasn't nearly as good as the thought of continuing to explore what he had started with Cas. "Yeah, well, mom's only gonna be in town a couple more days." Dean explained. "I figure we might as well all spend as much time as possible together while we got the chance. I can get laid any day of the week. A few more nights won't hurt."

"Okay..." Sam said suspiciously " what'd you have in mind?"

" Can I pick?!" Jack asked excitedly.

"No!" They all said in unison. 

Jack's face fell, causing Dean's heart to twinge with guilt. "Look, kid, it's not that we don't love ya or whatever, but I'm pretty sure if we have to sit through another zombie flick, we might just gouge our own brains out." 

Jack just nodded in solemn response.

"How about a musical?" Cas suggested smugly

"Alright, just for that, you don't get to pick either, pal!" Dean growled.

" Better than sitting sitting through another one of your stupid westerns." Cas mumbled

"Excuse you?" Dean gasped. He knew Cas was just trying to get a rise out of him, but no one insulted his westerns! No one. It didn't matter how unbelievably sexy the angel's challenging glare was....

"You heard me." Cas responded, eyebrow quirked. 

"Cowboys kick ass, and you know it!" 

Cas just shrugged, the son of a bitch.

"Alright, that's enough you two." Sam interjected. "Mom, why don't you just pick before we all become witnesses to an act of domestic violence."

****

They had eventually decided on some chick flick Dean pretended to put up a fuss about. He didn't really care though. The whole movie thing was really just an excuse to sit next to Cas without raising suspicion anyway. He didn't even really pay attention to the damn movie.

It was all he could do not not reach over and lace his finger through the angel's. Every time their thighs would touch he felt his heart skip a beat. He wanted nothing more than to lean over and rest his head on Cas's shoulder so he could nuzzle into the guy's neck. After a while he started to realize that maybe it was a little more than sexual attraction he had felt towards his friend. He had spent so much time mulling that over in his head, he hadn't even notice the credits rolling across the screen.

"What do you, think Dean?" Sam's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. 

"Huh?" Dean replied, utterly dazed.

" I said," Same answered, annoyed at his brother's lack of attention "We should all get to bed so we can get up early and do something fun tomorrow. Mom's going back to the cabin the next day and we haven't really left the bunker all week. With all the other's taking over most of the hunts, it's kinda the perfect time to get some fun in."

"Yeah." Dean nodded, though all he really cared about was the ' going to bed' part. " Sounds great! Let's go." He got up off the couch without thinking and pulled Cas up with him.

"Uh...Dean...." the angel said warily

Dean dropped the Cas's arm in panic and took a quick glance at the confused faces around the room. Thinking quickly, he pushed the angel aside and began 'searching' through the cushions. "I think you were sitting on my phone. Couldn't find the damn thing through the whole movie."

"You left it on your charger." Jack offered. "You said it was 'family time. Not phone time'."

" Right!" Dean chucked nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Guess I forgot."

" You know, they say loss of memory is the first sign of old age." Sam teased.

"Shut it sasquatch! You ain't that far behind me!" Dean scolded

"Whatever," Sam scoffed "I'm going to bed. Everyone try to think of a fun activity we can do tomorrow. Good night."   
******

They left the 'Dean Cave', everyone saying their separate 'goodnights' and headed off to their own separate rooms. Even Cas, much to Dean's dismay. Without so much as a word to Dean. He closed his door and went over to his dresser mind reeling. Had he done something wrong? Maybe he read the whole situation in the closet earlier the wrong way. Maybe Cas really did just see him as family. It had probably been years since the guy got laid, probably not since that fucking reaper. Maybe Dean had just confused him. That's why he really stopped when Dean got too excited, he finally came to his fucking senses.

'Don't be fucking stupid man.' Dean thought to himself. 'He's crazy about you. He probably just didn't wanna draw any attention.' He stripped out of his clothes and put on his pyjamas. When he finished getting dressed, he made his way to the door, hand freezing on the handle. What if he had pissed Cas off. Jesus, he probably shouldn't have offered the guy food! He knew better than that! Or maybe it was the fact that he made such a big deal about not telling anyone. Cas probably thought he was fucking ashamed of him.

Dean paced around his room for a while trying to decide what to do. He had no earthly idea why he was acting this way. This was Cas. Why was he so nervous? He'd hooked up with chicks more times than he could remember. And he didn't know any of them from Eve. It's not like it was hard....but this was Cas...

He shook off his fears and made his way back to the door. Better to know for sure than keep worrying. He eased the door open checking both ways to make sure the hallway was empty and tiptoed his way to Cas's room. He took a deep breath and raised his hand to rap gently on the wood, but just before he made contact the door swung open and he was pulled inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. Here we are. It's about to go down. And I'm about as nervous as a virgin on prom night. 
> 
> *Sigh* I don't even know what I'm doing any more....
> 
> Thank you for the encouragement and love. Hope I don't let you all down.


	12. Bloodfeather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years of tension finally get released.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here we are. The reason this little story is now twelve chapters deep instead of being the short story it was intended as. Because I have never written smut and have the tendency to procrastinate. 
> 
> I wanted to give it a try (cue long speech about "expanding my horizons, testing out new form, giving myself a challenge" bla bla bla) but honestly I had no idea where to start. Which brought me here.
> 
> It's not great ( My proof reader is usually my husband but he won't touch my fanfics with a 10ft pole) and it most likely lame. But I can say I'd did it. 
> 
> So here ya go.

"You certainly took your time." Cas said slamming Dean against the door by his throat.

'shit!' Dean thought, 'he _is _pissed.' He tried his best to catch his breath, feeling crippled by fear that he was about to face Castiel's holy wrath. "I... I w-wasnt...sure if..."__

__Castiel tightened his grip on the hunters neck cutting him off " I'm not sure that I appreciate being kept waiting." He growled in Dean's ear._ _

__This was it. This is how Dean was finally gonna die (for good). At the hands of the angel he only recently discovered he had feelings for, all because he couldn't keep his big fat mouth shut. At least that's what he thought until he felt Cas's teeth graze the bottom of his ear. "fffuck..." Dean sighed, half in relief and half in pleasure._ _

__"In due time." Cas's voice was low and warm against the side of his neck. He released Dean's throat and slowly dragged his hand down his torso as he spoke, causing goose bumps to spread over his flesh. "I've waited a long time for this, Dean. For you." He stopped with his thumb pressed into Dean's hip, just above his waistband. " "It's something I never believed I would be allowed to have." He placed a warm, wet kiss on Dean's collar bone and his other hand was trailing up the hunter's arm. " I think that would like to take my time with you." Cas gripped him by the by his hair, forcing Dean to look him in the eyes. " If you don't mind."_ _

__By the look in the Cas's eyes, he was pretty sure it didn't matter whether he minded or not. He really didn't care. Cas pulled him in closer tilting his head and stopping just before his lips met Dean's causing the hunter to let out a whine. "Now, I believe the last time we spoke like this," Cas word we're ghosting over Dean's skin, teasing, but his grip was too tight to allow Dean to move forward and end the torture, "you were in the process of telling me what it was you wanted."_ _

__"you." Dean panted. "want you Cas." he tried again to close the distance small distance between their lips, but Cas just held tight._ _

__Then Cas used his knee to separate Dean's legs and pressed his thigh firmly against the hunter's already pulsating erection, causing him to let out a soft moan "Yes. I can see that." Cas said, barely brushing lips against Dean's._ _

__"Please..." Dean begged rolling his hips against the angel's thigh. He pulled Cas dress shirt from his pants and ran his hands underneath, along the muscles of his back, stopping just below his shoulders, trying still to pull him in. "mmm... Cas...mmm...please..."_ _

__

__The angel's breathing stuttered as release his grip and placed his hand instead on the back of Dean's neck, using the leverage to finally press their lips together. The kiss was deep and longing, Cas's full, soft lips moved perfectly to match Dean's. Dean let his hands slide down the anglel's back grabbed him by the hips to pull him their bodies flush. Cas let out a low groan and sucked the hunter's bottom lip between his teeth, dipping his fingers just below the waist of Dean's pants, grinding hard against his leg. Dean's breath hitched and his head fell back against the door. Cas moved to Dean's neck, bitting down hard as he moved his hand from back of the hunter's neck to trail down to the center of his chest._ _

__"Cas....mmmm...yesss..." Dean moaned as the angel continued to nip and suck and kiss along his neck and chest. Cas's hand tightened around his shirt, twisting it up and using it pull Dean's face back to his. He ran the tip of his tongue gently against Dean's to lip first then wasted no time diving in full force, rolling their tongues together like it was the last thing he'd ever do. Every time they had to stop for Dean to breath was agonizing. He was pretty sure he was completely fine suffocating if it meant he would never have to stop kissing Cas._ _

__That was, until the angel started kissing him neck again, each gentle peck somehow feeling better than the last. He felt Cas's hand slip from his waist and slide down over his ass to the back of his thigh. Dean bit down on his lip to stifle the loud, sinful moan that threatened to escape as Cas hoisted his leg up causing their dicks to slot together. "Fuck...Cas....." Dean was sure he had never felt such beautiful friction in all his life._ _

__They quickly found a rhythm, grinding forcefully against each other as Cas moved back to he hunter's mouth. Dean dug his nails into the angel's back swallowing the resulting moan. Their breathing was heavy, their movements had started to become erratic and Dean knew he couldn't last like this much longer but he couldn't care less. His entire body was on fire and honestly he hadn't felt so good in along time. "ah...oh...Cas.. fuck...fuck... I'm gonna... please...oh god...."_ _

__Cas's hand was back around his throat so quick, Dean didn't even had time to register that his movements had even stopped. When he tried to ask Cas what the fuck he was doing, all that came out were tiny, strangled puffs of air. The angel was pushing down so hard, Dean could barely breathe, let alone speak. "It would be wise of you," Cas said in a low growl, glaring wildly into the hunter's eyes "to refrain from using my father's name, in your current position."_ _

__

__Dean's eyes were bulging out of his skull. Holy Fuck! Cas was goddamn sexy as hell when he got all dangerous like that! He knew he shouldn't....the guy could snap him like a twig if he really wanted to, but Dean couldn't help but want to see just what would happen if he kept pushing....so as soon as Cas released his grip..."why?" Dean managed to choke out. "Whatchya gonna do about it."_ _

__If Dean had any doubt Castiel was mostly back to full power, it was all thrown out the window with the force the angel had used to toss him to the bed. Cas approached him slowly, removing his trenchcoat and tossing it to the floor, followed by the suit jacket, before he began to roll up his sleeves. "If you find yourself unable to keep your blasphemy to yourself," His voice was cool and way to calm as he looked Dean in the eyes, loosening his tie to emphasize his meaning "then I believe I might have a few tools at my disposal to assist you in the matter."_ _

__Dean let out a small whimper, which was probably, definitely, most likely, not entirely, out of fear when Cas grabbed by the shirt and pulled him further up the bed and straddle him. "shit!" Dean groaned when the angel grabbed the bottom of his shirt and began pulling it up, making sure his blunt nails scraped along the hunter's sides on the way._ _

__"Better." Cas smirked, ripping the shirt off over his head. He began trailing kisses down Dean's torso, nipping where he found particularly sensitive areas ( based on the sounds the hunter was making) and soothing them over with his tongue, stopping just below his navel. He looked up toward Dean's face as he dipped his tongue under the waistband of his pants dragging it ever so slowly back to his lips._ _

__"mmm...fuck Cas...yes!" Dean moaned, tossing his head back. Then, the angel let out a wicked laugh and suddenly Dean could no long feel his face near his crotch. He looked up just in time to see Cas move to his nipple. He felt his back arch off the bed when the angel bit down, rolling the other between the fingers of one hand while his other hand was busy slowly trailing up Dean's outer thigh. Once he reached the top of the hunter's pants, he curled his fingers under the band yanking them to Dean's thighs, past his ass in one fell swoop. Dean gasped, his hands shooting up over his head to grip the pillow over his head. Cas moved his hand from the hunter's chest and placed it on his hip while the other grasped the base of his dick, dipping his head down to flick his tongue over the head._ _

__"holy mother of fuck!" Dean cried out, hands twisting into the sheets, as Cas wasted no time takeing Dean into his mouth, down to the base. All other forms of speech, outside of moans of pure bliss, escaped his capability as Cas began bobbing his head up and down, occasionally pausing to lick stripes along the shaft before diving back down to devour it. whole. Just when he was sure he was about to explode, Cas began running a finger down his perineum, sending a pulse of grace surging through his body. His breathing stopped completely when the angel began to circle his hole. "C-C-Cas....." He somehow managed to sputter out._ _

__" Shhhhh...." Cas whispered against his dick, pumping it slowly with the other hand, licking along the sides. " I've got you." He then pressed the , somehow, slick (another grace trick maybe?) digit in, knuckle deep as he resumed swallowing around Dean. And Dean was lost. Every time the angel would pull up his finger would curl out. Down and in. With each motion the hunter climbed closer and closer to the edge. By the time Cas had inserted a second finger, Dean was reduced  
to a writhing, sweaty mess. it wasn't until the third finger was added, all of them curling expertly against his prostate with every thrust, causing him to scream out in an agonizing mixture of pleasure and pain, that Dean realized Castiel had to be using his grace to suppress his release. That glorious bastard!_ _

__Dean wasn't even aware he had begun begging (nor was he sure how he even managed to form the right sounds to even make a single word) until Cas had paused. "hmm?" the angel hummed against his stomach. "What was that, Dean? I couldn't quite hear you." Lying son of a bitch._ _

__"...please...." It was weak, but no small victory considering the fact he wasn't even certain he could even remember how to breath correctly, let alone speak. Cas let out a satisfied growl in response, seeming to understand what exactly what Dean meant and slowly removed his fingers, leaving the hunter feeling empty, incomplete._ _

__Cas slid off the bed and started to undress "So good for me Dean. So pliant" He crooned as he unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his shoulders. "Those filthy little noises you make." He let his belt crack through the air before tossing it aside, causing Dean to gasp. " Your begging. You have no idea what it does to me."_ _

__By the looks of the massive beast that fell out of Cas's pants though, Dean had a pretty good idea. The first (and only) time he had seen the naked he had been covered in bees, so he hadn't really gotten a good look, but he could say for certain now that the bees hadn't done him any justice. Cas's arms were strong and toned, his body lean but muscular, with hip bones that could cut glass. His calves we're bulging, thighs thick, with a cock that could make a pornstar blush. As Cas moved back to the bed, Dean no began to silently wonder how he managed to convince his self he was straight for so long. He loved women, sure but, fuck it all if Cas wasn't the goddamn sexiest thing he had ever laid eyes on._ _

__His musings we're brought to an abrupt halt when he was quickly dragged to the edge of the bed by the ankle. Cas tossed that leg over one shoulder and held it while he lined himself up with Dean. He pushed in slowly, careful not to cause more pain than necessary, and grabbed Dean's other thigh for support, until he bottomed out. He let his head fall back and inhaled sharply, face already twisted in pleasure as he waited for Dean to adjust._ _

__When the initial pain subsided, all Dean could do was nod to signify that he was ready. Cas's movements started slow and steady, rolling his hips before pulling out most of the way, pushing back in gently with a soft moan. He soon found a a rhythm and adjusted his position so that, with every thrust, he brushed just past Dean's prostate. As soon as Dean was sure the slow pace and constant tease would kill him the angel picked up pace. Dean had to bite his down on his lip to keep from screaming when Cas lifted his other leg above his shoulder, the new position ensuring the angel hit that sweet spot every time. A series of whines and whimpers (that he would vehemently deny later) began to escape his mouth as he felt the familiar pressure begin to coil inside him._ _

__Suddenly, Cas pulled out completely, shoving Dean further up the bed. Before the hunter could protest the loss though, Cas was on top of him, wrapping Dean's legs around his waist and thrusting back in with renewed vigor and Dean began thrusting up himself to meet his movements. "oh...fuck...fuck...Fuck...oh Cas" He cried as his hands flew up to the angel's shoulder blades, the friction between their bodies against his dick becoming too much to handle._ _

__"Dean!" Cas moaned loudly when the hunter scraped down the inside of his shoulders. His eyes began to glow, his movements becoming frantic. That's when the light bulb from the lamp burst and Dean was gone. He came with a cry, strings shooting up to his chest, ass clenching around Cas's cock as enochian began spilling from the angel's lips._ _

__"OL AZIAZOR ELASA" Cas began thrusting harder. "OL AALA AG APETA ELASA" He fell onto the hunter's chest. "ELASA BOLAPE OZIEN PAID " His entire body went rigid. ""OL AZIAZOR ELASA". He chanting over and over again as he spilled himself deep inside of Dean._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * OL AZIAZOR ELASA - I love you
> 
> *OL AALA AG APETA ELASA- I place nobody above you
> 
> *ELASA BOLAPE OZIEN PAID- you are mine forever
> 
> *Bloodfeather- some one who hurt you/ will hurt you, yet you still refuse to hate.someone you love even though they have hurt you. 
> 
> Seriously though check out the song "Bloodfeather" by Highly Suspect. It's amazing and kinda reminds me of these two 
> 
> Sorry about the shitty smut. Next up: FEELINGS


	13. Empty promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean confesses his love for Castiel and Cas tells Dean about his deal....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This...uh...this one got away from me.
> 
> I have a lot of feelings about the things addressed in this chapter and I guess some of them may have spilled out onto the page.....

The two of them laid like that for a while, clutched tightly in each other's arms. The room was dark, the only sound was their breathing. Eventually Cas pulled out of Dean(earning a low hiss in response) and rolled over beside him. He borrowed his head in the crook of the hunter's neck and swiped a hand over their bodies, cleaning them off with his grace. Dean wrapped his arms around the angel's shoulder pulling the blanket, that had gotten pushed off to the side of the bed during their escapades, around them. 

“Holy fuck!” Dean exclaimed after catching his breath.

“I suppose you could call it that, yes.” Cas said calmly.

Dean chuckled at the angel's (most likely unintentional) joke. “ No, I'm mean seriously, man. Holy fuck. That was....fucking amazing! Where the fuck did all that even come from?”

“All of what?” Cas asked.

“All that 'Dominating, do as I say or I'll make you my bitch' shit you just pulled. Don't get me wrong, it was sexy as hell, I just didn't know you had it in you.” Dean explained.

Cas let out a sigh and Dean could practically feel the eye roll. “I was the commander of a garrison of angels at one point, remember? I spent eons as a soldier and a leader long before I met you. Besides...” Cas lifted his lips to Dean's ear “ I believe someone called me a 'fucking sadist' earlier.” he placed his head back down on the hunter's shoulder and shrugged. “It is my understanding that sadist can be quite domineering. I figured it would be best to fit the role.”

Dean just smiled and shook his head. “Where did you even learn all that?”

“I've been observing humans for a long time. I picked up a few things.” Cas said innocently. 

“A few?"

"Well, I also had your pornography." Cas added, tracing his fingers over Dean's chest. "You have quite an extensive collection."

"Sounds like you did a little more than 'not exactly click out of it right away'." Dean teased, running his fingers through Cas's hair.

"It was for educational purposes." Cas said, trying to defend himself. "Humans are very complex creatures. I felt it was necessary to learn as much about their behavior as possible."

"Rrriiiight...." Dean chuckled. "You don't have to ashamed about watching porno, man. it's only human. It's actually kinda hot."

"You keep saying that."

"What? That your hot?" Dean asked. "I mean, yeah. Have you seen you?"

"I have." Cas said. " You haven't though. Not truly, anyway. You have only ever seen me as Jimmy Novak."

" Yeah, Jimmy's a good-looking dude." Dean nodded. " Thought so when I met him. He ain't got shit on you though." It was true. Without Cas at the wheel, Jimmy was nothing more than a decent looking guy in an ill-fitting suit, as far as he was concerned.

Cas huffed a small laugh. "It doesn't bother you then? Me being in a male vessel."

“Nah.” Dean shook his head. “If I'm being honest with myself, I've always kinda found guys attractive. I just wasn't totally aware of the extent.”

“You're sure you wouldn't have preferred me in a female vessel?” He burrowed further against Dean's chest.

“ You can do that?!” Dean joked.

“ Dean...” Cas's warned.

Dean chuckled and nuzzled the top of Cas's head. “ I'm kidding. Of course, I don't mind. I don't care what parts you got. I love you, Cas. Just the way you are.” Cas's fingers stopped, and he let out a small huff. Dean could feel him smile wide on his chest, but he remained silent. “What?” he asked.

“I don't think you realize what you just said to me.” Cas answered.

Dean thought for a second, racking his brain before it clicked. “What? I love you? I was pretty sure that was implied.”

“ You never gave any indication...”

“Hey, you weren't exactly spilling over with confessions either there, pal.” Dean interrupted.

“ That's not true.” Cas sighed. “ I have always been very forthcoming with my feelings for you, Dean. I have shown you through my actions several times over the years. I have told you. Outright. Twice. Three times if you count this afternoon. It's not my fault your emotionally stunted.”

“ Hey!” Dean said it mock offense. Cas just shrugged. “Okay. You're right. I'm sorry. And I do, love you, I mean. I think I always have. I don't know. It's weird. Ever since you burst into that barn... I always feel better when you're by my side, ya know? Complete. And that's where I want you Cas, right here. Right with me. For the rest of my life, however long that is.” Then Cas sat up. 'Shit' Dean thought to himself. 'Shit shit shit. Why'd I say that?' “Listen, man, I'm sorry I didn't mean to...”

“ Dean.” Cas interrupted. Dean immediately snapped his mouth shut. He was pretty sure he had just royally fucked up. The angel sighed and Dean could feel him shift on the bed. “In the spirit of total honesty, I feel that there is something you should know.”

Fuck. Shitshitshit fuck goddamn. Dean knew he should've kept his big fucking mouth shut. He probably just freaked the guy out with all that sappy shit. No...no that wasn't it. Fuck, this was about Michael. He mentioned his short life expectancy and Cas thought he was talking about his plan on dealing with Michael. Maybe Cas was going to tell him he still planned on leaving? He was probably gonna sneak off after they all fell asleep. Shit! “Okay....” he said, bracing himself for the onslaught of Cas's departing words.

“ It's about Jack....” Cas said.

Jack? Okay so it wasn't Dean. Good, good he could deal with that. But why was Cas being so cryptic? “Don't tell me. He's not really mine is he?” Dean joked, trying to lighten the mood. 

Cas was not amused. “ This is serious, Dean.”

“ Sorry”

Cas was silent for a long time. Dean could feel him fidgeting beside him, which only increased his worry, but he kept quiet. Finally, Cas drew in a deep breath and spoke. “ Jack's resurrection was not entirely as simple as I may have let you believe.” and there it was. Truth be told, Dean had kinda been waiting for the other shoe to drop on that one for a while. Nothing is ever that cut and dry. Not for them anyway. He waited in silence for the angel to continue. “When I went to Heaven to retrieve Jack's soul, the cosmic entity in charge of the Empty was there. It was... furious. It believed that, due to his angelic half, his soul belonged in the Empty. It wreaked havoc throughout Heaven to find him. It was determined to collect Jack's soul. I.... I couldn't let that happen, Dean.” His voice had become strained.

Dean's mind was reeling. Of course. Of fucking course. This is why they couldn't have nice things. There was always something looming over their heads. He was a fool to have thought even a single good thing could happen to them without consequence. “ What did you do, Cas?” He tried his best to keep his voice calm, but the fact he was speaking through gritted teeth probably didn't help.

“It was my fault that the entity was even awake to begin with. It's my fault that's Heaven's defenses were low enough for it to be able to get in.” Cas was stalling. Never a good sign. 

“Cas!” Dean snapped, a little louder than necessary.

Cas took another deep breath. “I did what I had to. What was necessary In order to save Jack.”

Dean was fuming. “What. Did. You. Do?”

“I made a deal.” Cas replied.

Great! Fanfuckingtastic! Just when he thought life couldn't get anymore complicated. Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and took a few calming breaths. They were pointless. “ What kind of deal, Cas?”

“I offered myself in Jack's stead.”

“You what?!” Dean shot off the bed and glared in the general direction of the angel, hoping like hell Cas could feel his ire in the darkness.

“Dean, please...” 

“No!” Dean shouted, before he remembered that they weren't exactly alone in the bunker. He lowered his voice, keeping the same amount of rage behind his words. “How could you do that?! What did you expect was gonna happen if Jack came back and you didn't? That we'd just shrug it off and move on with our merry little lives!?”

“Dean, I didn't think...”

“ Damn right you didn't think!” Dean scolded. He couldn't help but think about how oddly familiar that statement felt as he fought back the angry tears burning his eyes. He was grateful that it was dark enough that the angel hopefully couldn't see them. “How could you do that to me, Cas?! I was a wreck last time you were gone! I killed myself and I didn't wanna come back! I WANTED to die! I was READY to die! The only reason I'm even still standing here is because of Billie and her stupid books.” The tears were falling freely now, but he kept going. “Now, here I am pouring my fucking heart out to you and you tell me that you're leaving. AGAIN?!” He was shaking.

“Dean...” the pain in Cas's voice was evident but Dean didn't care.

“So how does this work? We just pretend like everything is hunky dory and then what, one day you're just gone?” Dean was becoming hysterical.

"Dean, enough.” Cas said firmly.

“ No, Cas. I wanna know! At least give me some sort of timeline here, so I'm not just lying in wait, worrying over when I'm gonna lose you again.” Dean's anger was starting to melt away, being replaced with heart wrenching misery.

“It doesn't work like that.” Cas said. 

“Then how does it work?” Dean's voice was cracking.

“It said it wanted me to suffer.” Cas answered vaguely. When Dean didn't reply he let out a long sigh and continued. “ It said it would wait until I forgot about the whole thing. Wait until the moment I finally allowed myself to be truly happy...and then it would take me.”

no.

No, no, no, no!

Dean felt all the blood rush out of his body and his heart drop to his feet. That's why Cas waited till now to tell him. He waited for years for Dean to return his feelings, knowing it might never happen. He had that to ground him. And now Dean had finally pulled his head out of his ass, and he was happy. He knew the entity was coming for him, and he wanted Dean to know why. Cas was gonna die, again. It was all Dean's fault. Again. 

“No...” Dean murmured weakly. He felt the room begin to spin. His head was about to explode. His stomach was in his chest. His heart was....empty. He felt his knees buckle, ready to fall to the ground, when he found himself wrapped in the angel's strong embrace. That's when he began to sob. He was losing his best friend and it was all his fault. All because he got worked up over a few stupid jokes, because he couldn't keep it in his fucking pants. He was losing the person he loved, just because he loved him. 

Cas pulled them onto the bed and laid back, holding Dean to his chest while he cried. He ran his hand gently, back and forth, over the hunter's back, placing soft kisses on the top of his head. “Shh, it's okay, Dean. It's okay.” 

“How can you say that?” Dean cried, holding on to the angel for dear life. Maybe if he held on tight enough, the Empty would take him with. “ I can't go through this again, Cas. I can't fucking do it anymore.”

Cas squeezed him tighter and placed his cheek on the hunter's hair. “It's going to be fine, Dean. You can relax. I don't foresee me going anywhere in the near future.”

“What?” Dean asked. He couldn't have just heard that right.

“It won't be happening anytime soon.” Cas answered.

Dean sat up. He wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or slightly offended. “Excuse me?”

“Dean...” Cas paused and suddenly a small light appears in his hand. It was the first time he had been able to see the angel's face since he busted the lights. Any sense of hurt Dean felt at Cas's words was lost the second he looked into those, ocean deep, eyes. “I swear to you, I will do everything within my power to stay by your side.”

“How?”

Cas shook his head. “ As long as Jack is in danger...as long as you are in danger... I will never know true happiness as long as the lives of the people I love are at risk.” The room was silent. Dean stared intently in the angel's eyes, seeing that ever word he had said was true.

And he laughed. 

Cas tilted his head, wearing his signature confused eyes-squint. “ I don't understand. Why is this funny to you?” Then his eyes grew wide in horror. “Michael!? Is that you?” the hunter's laughter grew more intense. “Dean, are you okay? Oh, no! Has everything that has been weighing down on you finally broke you? Have you gone insane?”

Cas lifted the unlit hand to Dean's head (presumably to search his mind) but was stopped when Dean grabbed him by the wrist. “ Cas, I'm fine.” Dean chuckled out. “Really dude, I'm good. I swear.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “How messed up are our lives, that I actually find that pretty reassuring?”

Cas smiled and shook his head. “ I suppose, to an outside party, that would seem pretty 'messed up'.” Dean put his head back down on the angel's chest, letting the last bit of his laughter die down. Cas extinguished the light in his hand and wrapped his arms around the hunter, placing another tender kiss on top of his head. “I'm sorry I'd didn't tell you about this before, Dean.”

“You know what? It's fine.” Dean said. “Don't get me wrong, I'm fucking pissed, but I get it, man. I haven't exactly been the most honest person myself, ya know. We really gotta stop all this lying to each other bullshit.”

“Hmm.” Cas hummed in agreement.

“We'll figure this out, Cas.” Dean yawned, snuggling deeper into the angel. “ We'll fix this shit with Michael, we'll figure out a way to save your ass from the Empty, because that's what we do. Save the world: one dumb ass mistake at a time.” 

They laid in silence after that. Castiel rubbing small, soothing circles across the Dean's shoulders, lulling him until he was almost asleep. “ I think it's time you return to your room now, Dean.” The angel whispered.

“uh uh.” Dean mumbled. “don't wanna. S'been a long day. M'tired.”

“ I know,” Cas said softly. “ That's why you should go to bed.”

“Just gonna hit it and quit it then, Cas?” Dean joked “ Use me then hang me up and leave me out to dry?”

Cas huffed a small laugh and sat up. “ No, but if you do not wish anybody to question why you are leaving my quarters in the early hours of the morning, then I suggest you retire to your own.”

“Oh, shit.” Dean chuckled, stretching himself out. “ Guess we didn't really think this whole thing through, huh?” 

“On the contrary.” Cas said as he slipped off the bed and started ruffling through the drawer of his bedside table. “ I thought this through quite thoroughly. I waited for you to come to me because my room is furthest from the other's.” 

Dean could hear him shuffling across the room to the desk, then he heard the distinct clinking of broken glass. What the hell is he doing? His question was answered when the lamp was clicked on, a fresh light bulb illuminated the room. 

Cas was leaning against the desk with his arms crossed, in all his naked glory, wearing a sheepish grin. “ I may have also taken a few extra precautions, to ensure no one would become suspicious, in case our activities became a little...loud.”

“ D...did you mojo our family?” Dean asked. Cas just shrugged in response. “ You sly son of a bitch.” Dean smiled back. He slid off the bed and began searching for his discarded clothes. He slipped them on tossing Cas's boxers to him (because it was too damn distracting for him to remain naked) and waited for him to put them on before slipping his arms around his waist, pulling him in for a kiss. “ You gonna come with me? You can leave before everyone gets up.”

Cas shook his head and moved Dean towards the door. “You need rest. I promise you, if I accompany you, that will not be the case.” He pulled the hunter in for one last kiss before opening the door. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night Cas.” Dean leaned against the door after Cas had shut it and took a deep breath. His mind was reeling from everything that had just happened. As he made his way down the hall, he attempted to process everything in his head. 

He just had sex with his best friend.

He just told Cas that he loved him. Even crazier. He meant it. 

He had just admitted to Cas things he hadn't even admitted to himself. 

He knew part of the reason the whole thing with Billie happened was because Cas was gone. That was a given. Watching your best friend get stabbed through the chest, right in front of your eyes is enough to make anyone just a little suicidal. He just always assumed it was just another factor in the pile of shit that was his life at the time. Now that he thought about it though, he'd be lying to himself if he hadn't noticed his attitude did a complete 180 the second he heard Cas's voice over the phone.

By the time he crawled into bed though, he began to focus on the other things he had learned. 

Cas lied to him.

Cas made a deal for his life.

As soon as he allows himself to be happy, Cas is gonna be gone. For good.

He quickly shook those thoughts from his mind. It's fine. It's gonna be okay. They were gonna figure out a way to fix it. To fix everything. Because Cas deserved to be happy, dammit. Dean deserved to be happy. They all did. And he would be damned if anything was gonna stand in their way this time. That was his final thought as he drifted off into a dreamless sleep, for the first time in days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1: I know Dean doesn't sob. He gets angry. I also know that he has put up with 36 years of complete and utter bull shit and, as strong as he is, a man can only take so much. I can't be the only one who's noticed he seems to be breaking easier lately. And losing Cas, again...well that would do it.
> 
> 2: Cas's deal with the Empty pisses me off. I just want the damn guy to be happy FFS! Now I have to hope that he stays miserable forever. Thanks a lot SPN writers.
> 
> 3: If you can look me in the eye and tell me that Dean's suicidal, hopeless mood in the beginning of season 13 didn't, almost, completely change the second he picked up that phone ( I can only presume the first words he heard were " Hello, Dean") then you are a damn liar! Cas wanted to bring him a win, all Dean wanted after losing everything was a win. Cas coming back was his win. We aren't stupid Kripke!
> 
> Rant over.
> 
> I only have a couple more chapters before the end now. Thank you so much for your continued support.


	14. Arcade Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Free Will enjoys a day out. Dean deals with some inner termoil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's a little bit of fluff and a tiny bit of crack ( I guess?), With just the smallest amount of angst to make up for my last chapter.

Dean stumbled into the kitchen the next morning greeted by four impatient looking faces.

 

"Nice of you to finally join us, Aroura." Sam grumbled, wearing bitch face # 72. "Did you stay up watching hentai all night, or what."

 

" You know, the fact that you know Sleeping Beauty's name is pretty gay, dude." Dean grunted, shoving past his brother on the way to the coffee.

 

" The fact that you knew who I was talking about doesn't say much for you either man." Sam snickered.

 

Touche....."Shut up, Sam." He grumbled, taking his first sip of coffee. It was way to early to deal with his brother's shit.

 

" Now that we're all here," Mary said, placing her hand on Sam's shoulder to stop his next remark "anybody have any ideas on what we can do today? I'm fine with anything, as long as I get to spend the day with my boys." She smiled giving Sam's shoulder a squeeze. 

 

"Actually, yeah." Sam said. He smiled down at Mary before moving over to the table where his laptop sat, typing in a few things before turning the screen so everyone could see. " I did some research last night before I went to bed and found a couple of museums out in Wichita I wouldn't mind checking out." 

 

"Oh, hell no!" Dean scoffed over the edge of his mug. " I ain't drivin' three hours to go stand around and check out a bunch of old relics." He gave a wink to the angel leaning on the opposite wall. "I can stay here and look at Cas if I wanted to do that." He paused for a second, terror welling up in his chest as soon as he realized his mistake. 

 

Thankfully, for Dean, Sam let that one go and rolled his eyes. "Ya know, it wouldn't kill you to have a little culture in your life, Dean." The elder brother just raised his eyebrow in response. "Fine." Sam relented. "What did you have in mind then?"

 

Dean looked down into his mug, searching at the bottom for an answer. "I uh....I didn't really get the chance to think about it last night."

 

"Seriously, man?" Sam chided "What were you up doing last night then? There's no way you slept in this late if you went to bed on time."

 

"It's not even that late!" Dean defended. "It's not even nine yet!" Sam responded with, yet, another bitch face from his repitior. " I was busy, alright." Dean grumbled.

 

"Doing what?" Sam asked,

incredulously.

 

" None of your damn business, that's what." Dean snapped

 

"What's your problem, Dean." Sam snapped back.

 

"You're my problem!" He replied. " Can't even let a man finish his damn coffee before jumping down his throat." He saw the look on his brother's face and knew he wasn't about to let it go a second time. "What about you, Cas?" he said, quickly cutting off Sam's next sentence. " Got any bright ideas floating around in that brain of yours?" 

 

Cas shifted on his feet looking down, trying to hide his amusement at the brothers' squabbling. "I thought it would be nice to visit the botanical gardens." He schooled his face into a look of mild disappointment before lifting his gaze. "However, I realized that it is still to cold to really enjoy such an environment."

 

Of course he wanted to go check out the flowers and shit. He'd probably spend the whole time chasing down the various insects, trying to make friends. Dean couldn't help but smile at the thought of Cas crouching down, trying to make conversation with an ant hill. " Yeah, not really the best time of year for that, bud. maybe next time."

 

Strike three. "Next time?" Sam scoffed. " What, are you gonna take him, Dean? Gonna hold hands and frolic through the roses?" 

 

The look on Sam's face was enough to make Dean wanna punch him. "You know what Samantha? You can shove it up your ass!"

 

Sam shook his head and laughed. "No, thanks I'll leave that to you."

 

" There's an arcade!" Jack said, finally speaking up from his corner of the kitchen, where he had been silently shoveling sugary cereal down his gullet, watching the exchange go down. Everyone turned to face him. "It's not to far from here actually. Maybe an hour or so? I saw it on the way back from the cabin. " He smiled warmly, a hopeful glint passing his eyes. "I've never been to an arcade before!"

 

"You're right." Mary said. " I remember seeing it the last couple times I drove to town. Could be fun."

 

 

"It sounds like an interesting activity to engage in." Cas added thoughtfully. " I have often observed humans at these 'arcades'. They always seemed to be enjoying themselves."

 

All three of them were staring, nervously, at the brothers, waiting for their response. "Good." Dean answered first in somewhat of an ill-tempered tone. "Awesome. Yeah. sounds like a blast and a half!"

 

" Great." Sam replied, in an equally annoyed way. "Then it's settled." He picked up his laptop and made his way to the door. " Everyone, get ready and meet in the garage in an hour, yeah?" Then he was gone.

 

Mary turned to Dean with her arms crossed over her chest and eyebrow raised. " What was that all about."

 

"Nothing, mom." Dean replied as he walked over to the sink to rinse out his cup. " I'm just tired of Sam being a nosey little shit, that's all."

 

Mary sighed and shrugged her shoulders as if she knew she wasn't going to get any more than that. "What ever you say. I'm gonna go get cleaned up. You boys should do the same." She turned around to leave, then stopped and looked over at Cas. "Castiel, hun, no offense but I think you should probably try to find a change of clothes."

 

Cas looked at her, confused, then looked down at his clothes, pulling at the edges. " I don't understand. I assure you they are clean." He glanced back up to meet her eyes. "I feel comfortable with my attire."

 

Dean glanced over at the angel and saw exactly what his Mom meant. "She's gotta point, man." He eyes Cas up and down, using his mom's sentiment as an excuse to check him out. "That not really the type of thing you wanna be wearing in a place full of kids. Might attract the wrong type of attention, ya know."

 

Cas confused look turned to Dean then, and it was all he could do not to rush over and kiss that hurt look off of his face. " What do you mean? What sort of attention?"

 

Dean scrubbed his hands over his face and ran the through his hair a few times to calm himself. " Look man, just go to my room and find something that fits and put it on okay? Jack? Bring me that bowl, and go get cleaned up. Imma finish up in here and then I'll go take a shower and meet you guys by Baby. We good?" 

 

Mary nodded a soft smile and left the kitchen. Jack slurped down the rest of his milk and brought his bowl over to Dean. He leaned in like he had a secret but kept his voice at a normal level. " Thank you for not choosing the museum. Sam said it would be educational, but it didn't sound very fun. I didn't want to hurt his feelings." 

 

Dean gave him a smile as he took his bowl and plopped it in the sink. "Yeah, well, Sam tends to forget that not everyone is as boring as he is. Nice save with the arcade. way better."

 

Jack smiled back at him proudly. "I'm very excited. This is going to be a fun day."

 

" Sure is kid. " Dean chuckled. he grabbed a sponge off the edge of the sink and nodded his head toward the door. " Now go get, cleaned up and I'll see you in a bit, Kay?" Jack gave him a single nod and March out of the kitchen, smiling ear to ear. Dean turned his attention to the little bit of dishes in the sink, completely unaware Cas had yet to leave the room, until the angel appeared next to him. 

 

Cas leaned up against the counter and placed his hands behind him. "You should really try to be nicer to your brother." he said, staring straight ahead.

 

" Hey, it ain't my fault he decided to be a douche first thing in the morning." Dean replied while he rinsed off the soap from Jack's bowl.

 

"He was hoping to get an earlier start to the day. I believe he had his heart set on a museum and since the drive would have taken a little longer, I think he was disappointed about your late arrival this morning."

 

" That ain't exactly my fault now, is it?" Dean said, side eyeing the angel as he put the last dish in the strainer. 

 

Cas smiled but kept his gaze forward. " No, I suppose not. But Sam doesn't know that."

 

Dean pulled the plug out of the sink and went to work washing it out. "He was kidding himself if he thought any of us were gonna agree to go to any damned museum."

 

Cas hummed quietly and nodded his head, then he looked back down at his clothes. " Although, perhaps my attire would be more suitable for such a location." he rolled his head towards Dean with a look of genuine hurt in his eyes.

 

" Cas don't." Dean pleaded "You know I don't care how you look. Your clothes are very...you. wouldn't have ya any other way. This just ain't the kind of place for 'em. Gotta blend in and all."

 

 

Dean watched as a hint of a smile curled up at the corner of the angel's mouth. Cas three his head back and let out an exaggerated sigh. " I suppose if that is what you require of me, I have no choice but to comply."

 

"Shut up and go get dressed." Dean chuckled, turning away to try to hide his smile. " I'm gonna wipe everything down before I get in the shower. I'll meet you in the garage, okay?"

 

"Okay." Cas said as he pushed himself off the counter. Then he swooped behind Dean, curling his arms around the hunter's middle and placed a gentle kiss just below his ear, sending a shiver up Dean's spine. "Don't be long." He whispered and the he was gone.

 

Dean had to brace himself against the counter to catch his breath. That damn angel was gonna be the death of him.

 

*****

 

It was worse when he got to the garage.

 

Jack and Mary were sitting on Baby's hood, scrolling through pictures on Jack's phone and Sam was nowhere to be seen, not that Dean cared the second he laid eyes on Cas. He was leaned up against the passenger side door, looking down right sinful. He was wearing the leather jacket Dean had acquired in LA (and kept because it looked cool as hell dammit) over a tight, dark, grey t-shirt Dean had forgotten he even owned. The jeans he had picked out wear one of Dean's favorite but he had to stop wearing them because they had gotten a little too tight. A problem, he didn't mind at all, seeing them squeeze the angel's form. His feet were clad in the Chuck's he had worn back Flint, and we're crossed stretched out in front of him. His hands were tucked behind his head, ridiculously disheveled sex hair sticking every which way. The way his arms were pulled up caused the hem of his t-shirt rise just enough to show just the slightest sliver of skin above his pant line. 

 

Okay, so Dean had a thing about seeing other people in his clothes. It was hot! It expressed a level of intimacy he rarely ever shared and honestly, it drove him up the wall. Nothing used to get him ready to roll quicker than seeing Lisa or Cassie walk in wearing nothing but one of his band shirts and some panties. But seeing his clothes on Cas....if it wasn't for the sound of his brother walking up behind him, he would've been on his knees, dragging his tongue over that exposed bit of skin in a heartbeat, present company be damned. He was still considering it (he could pretend that Cas forgot to tie his shoe and offer to 'help him out') until he felt Sam slap him on the shoulder on his way to the car, knocking a little bit of sense back into him. 

 

"Alright," Sam said, sounding slightly more cheerful than before " everybody ready to g...whoa, Cas! Nice digs....wait..." he paused, scrutinizing the angel's borrowed clothes. " Are those... Dean's?" That stupid smirk spread back over his face as he glanced over at his brother and Dean was about ready to die.

 

"Yes, well..." Cas said, straightening up and pulling at the bottom of his shirt. "Your mother and Dean felt my usual attire might not be appropriate for our planned destination, so they suggested I change. Dean offered me some of his clothes since we are closest in size."

 

Sam made a face that showed he understood why and nodded. "Actually yeah, good idea. We don't wanna roll in to a place for families with a guy who looks like he belongs in an empty house with Chris Hansen."

 

Cas responded with a confused, angry glare. Dean was gonna have to remember to explain it to him later. " Okay, everybody load up." Dean said after clearing his throat. " Let's get this show on the road. Samsquatch here gets shot-gun so he don't crush anybody with those tree trunks of his he calls legs. Jack's gotta have a window seat since he gets car sick and I ain't having anyone yakking all over my Baby." He pointed between Mary and Cas. " So, I guess it's up to you two to decide which of you wants to ride bitch."

 

" Shouldn't it be Cas then?" Sam laughed, obviously still bitter about earlier. " Ya know, since you're a bitch." 

 

"You're the bitch! Jerk!" Dean barked back.

 

Before Sam could open his mouth to respond, Mary was between them. "Alright, that's enough you two!" she said in her best 'Mom voice'. " I've had it with your constant bickering these last couple of days. We are going to have a NICE day today, got it?" Sam and Dean both nodded. "Good. Castiel you can have the other window since your legs are longer. I'll take the middle. Now, can we please get going? Or do you guys wanna spend my last day here arguing with each other?"

 

******

 

The ride up was pleasant enough. There were no more arguments at least. Sam did give Dean a side- eye when he let Cas put on his mix tape, but he didn't say anything, so that was good.

 

Much to Dean's delight the arcade happened to be the kind that had a mini Cafe. He totally forgot to eat before they had left, so while the others were getting their tokens he gorged himself on the stale chips and squeeze cheese the place was passing off as nachos. He sat and watched the others as he downed his slush-puppy. It was nice. Sam was showing Mary one of the virtual-reality games they had set up in the far corner. He couldn't help but laugh at his mother's expressions as she tried to navigate her movements. Technology was still very new to her and something like that probably felt alien. 

 

After a while, he let his gaze drift over to Jack and Cas. They were on one of those platforms with the arrows your supposed to step on as they scroll across the screen. Dean always thought those games were more of a way to trick people into exercise than an actual game, but it was certainly entertaining to watch. Jack was actually doing pretty decent. He only missed a couple of arrows, which was impressive considering it was his first time. Cas, on the other hand, was failing miserably. He kept stumbling over his feet, glancing back and forth between them and the screen, only able to catch a few on accident. It didn't seem to matter to him though. His face was lit up and Dean could almost hear his laughter over all the other sounds. 

 

Suddenly, Dean felt a rush of panic wash over him. Cas was enjoying himself. He was happy. He found himself unable to tear his eyes away from the angel, for fear that he might disappear or drop dead on the spot. He knew as told him that it was fine, but what if he was wrong? What if the entity didn't want to wait until he was completely worry free? What if it just wanted to give Cas a taste of happiness before whisking him away to the Empty? What if...

 

"Are you going to sit here brooding all day or are you going to let your mother kick your ass at some skeeball?"

 

Mary's voice brought him out of his thoughts. He reluctantly peeled his eyes off Cas and turned to see her standing right neat to him. "I wasn't brooding." he scoffed.

 

"Hmm." Mary had her lips pressed together and her arms crossed, a doubtful look in her eyes.

 

" What's the matter?" Dean smirked, resisting the urge to check and see if Cas was still alive "Looked like you and Sammy were having a blast over there."

 

Mary made an uncomfortable face and shook her head. " I don't think I'll ever be able to get used to some of that advanced technology. Makes me queasy. Besides, I want to spend time with both of you, so wat do you say?" she smiled.

 

" Hate to break it to you, mom, but if skeeball is what your after, the only ass that's getting kicked is yours. I spent a lot of time in places like this growing up." Dean shrugged. He quickly glanced over the place again, hoping Mary would assume it was for emphasis, finding Cas a jack had moved on to some version of whack-a-mole. He hated that he felt relief at seeing Cas's expression turn to frustrated concentration, as he attempted to throw his hammer at the tiny creatures. This was going to take some getting used to. 

 

"Oh, yeah?" Mary replied, in a challenging tone. "Prove it!"

 

*****

 

After a few hours, a couple of ass kickings ( Mary wasn't playing around) and several different games later, they all decided it was time to turn in their tickets and go find somewhere to eat before heading back home. Mary Used hers to get a giant koosh ball and a snap bracelet. Sam manage to earn enough to get one of those mini drones and a couple of toy soldiers ( the nerd). Dean was still deciding on his prizes( a drone battle sounded pretty awesome and Dean had just enough tickets to get one) when he glanced over at Jack who was concentrating on counting the tickets in his hand.

 

"You know they have a machine that does that for you, kid." Dean told him.

 

"I know." Jack nodded " I was trying to see if I had enough. I don't think I do." He frowned.

 

" Whatchya got your eye on? Maybe I can help out?" Dean offered. He could still afford to give up about 15 tickets and still get the drone.

 

Jack pointed up to a large, inflatable orange guitar hanging over the counter. "It's fine Dean. I'm 50 tickets short. I couldn't ask you to do that. it wouldn't be fair."

 

Cas walked over, glanced up in a different direction from the guitar, bland sighed. He looked at Jack with a loving smile and handed over all his tickets. " There's 100 there. You can have them. Get the inflatable instrument." He leaned in to speak so only Jack and Dean could hear him. " You can use the rest to buy some candy. I'll hide it so Sam doesn't find out."

 

Jack lit up like a Christmas tree. "Are you sure?!"

 

"Of course," Cas smiled, but his eyes flickered back to the same direction as before, almost to quick to notice. " There is nothing here I require."

 

Jack pulled Cas into a massive hug and turned to the guy at the counter. "I would like that guitar please, sir." He beamed.

 

The guy just rolled his eyes and fed the tickets into the counter. He used a hook to pull down the guitar and handed it to Jack. " You still got 50 tickets left."

 

Jack hugged his prize to his chest and leaned across the counter, beckoning prize guy to come closer. Dude rolled his eyes again (someone obviously hated their job) and leaned in. "I want all the Candy you can give me." Jack said quietly. "But I need you to give it to my dad. I don't want Sam to see." 

 

The guy looked confused glancing at Castiel and then to Dean, trying to figure out who 'Sam' was. Dean jerked his head over in Sam's direction and place a finger across his lips, playing along. Rolly-eyes McGee nodded and pulled out a bag stuffing a couple of hand full of candy in, not really bothering to count, and slid the bag over to Cas. The angel placed the bag in his jacket pocket and slung his arm over the nephilim's shoulders guiding him over to where Sam and Mary were waiting.

 

Dean waited until they were out of sight before he began a the area he had seen Cas looking at. It wasn't hard to find. There, on a shelf marked 100 tickets, sat a stuffed bee. " Alright," Dean told the guy " gimme those foam nun-chucks, a couple bouncy balls and that stuffed bee up there." 

 

" Really?" The guy laughed. " The bee?" 

 

"It's for a friend." Dean told him, in a 'dont fucking question me' tone. He gathered his things, stuffing the nun-chucks and bouncy balls into his inner pocket and marched over to meet the other's. " Here." He said, practically slamming the bee into Cas's hands.

 

"Dean?" Cas said examining his gift.

 

" I saw you looking at it before you gave Jack all your tickets." Dean said flatly. "I figured we should all walk away with something we wanted."

 

"Awe!" Sam said mockingly "how sweet. You got him a stuffed animal!"

 

"Can it Sam!" Dean snapped " I just didn't feel like watching the guy mope around, alright. Knock it off."

 

"Sheesh," Sam put his hands up in surrender "sorry, I was just kidding. That was actually really nice of you." 

 

"Yeah, well, whatever!" Dean grunted. 

 

He looked back over at Cas to see him looking down at the bee with a sad smile on his face. "Thank you, Dean. I love it."

 

'I love you' Dean thought to himself, mentally kicking himself for making it seem like a meaningless gesture. "Let's go eat," he grumbled, trying to avoid all eye contact "I'm starving."

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't resist Castiel's bee thing. Sorry not sorry. 
> 
> Also, I don't actually think Sam is a dick. Just a little blind when it comes to his brother. ( Souless!Sam is actually my favorite version so I may have written him with a slight lack of empathy for my sake)
> 
> I promise this all still has a point!
> 
> Let's get ready for solutions!
> 
> *Edit*
> 
> I forgot to add:
> 
> Shout out to the season 12 gag reel when Jensen told Misha he looked like a pedophile. One of my favorite outtakes.


	15. Let it bee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean learns why the teasing has persisted and makes a fool of himself at dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was supposed to be the first part of a chapter but I had to move things around due to timing. Hope it's not too bad.

“Dammit, Cas! You're not taking the damn bee inside!”

They had pulled up to a Mexican restaurant that was about halfway between the arcade and the bunker. Mary had said she always drove past it and wanted to try it out. Dean spent most of the ride avoiding the teasing glances from Sam. He didn't regret getting something for Cas, but he was starting to wish he had waited to give it to him when no one else was around. It all came to a head when they got out of the car, Cas with his bee in hand.

“I don't want to leave it in the car, what if somebody steals it?” Cas pouted.

 

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. For such a powerful being, Cas could be such a baby sometimes. “ Who the hell is going to break into a car, FULL OF WEAPONS, and steal a stupid stuffed bee?” Cas just responded with a smitey glare. Dammit! He shouldn't have called it stupid. No matter what he did he was gonna make things worse, either with Cas or everyone else. He took a deep breath and walked over to Cas, gently taking the bee from Cas's hands and tucking in under the passenger seat up front. “ There. It's safe. No one can see it. Can we eat now?” He locked the doors and stormed towards the entrance, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He was about to turn on Cas and tell him that the bee was safe until he saw the angel pass him, followed by Jack and Sam.

“ Dean,” Mary said when he faced her. “I understand that they've been driving you crazy. I get it. I haven't been helping either and I'm sorry about that. It's just....you know you haven't said anything about Michael all week? We noticed that a few days ago.”

She was right. He hadn't heard anything from King Douche in....since before they left for Flint. “Yeah,” Dean chuckled, scratching the back of his head “ yeah, I guess it has been a while hasn't it? My mind's kinda been other places lately.”

“I know what they've been doing, what we've been doing seems cruel, but Dean....you really scared us. Sam and Castiel are doing everything that they can to keep you...to keep you YOU.” Mary gave him a sad smile. “ If that means pissing you off or making you uncomfortable, then so be it. They love you, we all do. You have done so much to save all of us. It's time you let us do the same, even if you don't like it.”

“Yeah, okay.” Dean nodded. He started to turn away again to hide the tears of guilt welling up, but Mary stopped him.

“ You know he treasures everything you've ever given to him.” she said, her tone oddly scolding. Dean just raised a confused eyebrow. “ Every gun, every knife, every fake badge, every picture. Even things you wouldn't think to keep like receipts and matchbooks. He keeps it all in a box in his room. I found him looking through it while you guys were locked up in that place.”

“Why?” Dean asked.

Mary huffed a small laugh and shook her head. “ I asked him the same thing. You know what he said? He said they were all very human things. Things he never thought twice about before he met you.” She swallowed and met Dean's eye's with an unreadable look in her own. “He told me you were the first being he ever met that treated him as an equal. No better, no worse. He told me he 'found it incredibly frustrating and disrespectful at first', but then he said he found it to be the greatest gift anyone could ever receive. He told me he kept those things, so when he felt weak and helpless he could look back and remember that humanity is strength.” She paused and took a breath. “ He told me he keeps them as a reminder of what he fell for.”

Dean had to swallow past the lump that was building in his throat. “You know, for a soulless bastard, the guy can be such a sap.”

Mary smiled and pulled him into a hug. “ Just go easy on him, Dean. You mean a lot to him. He just wants to help.” Dean nodded l, hugging her back. Then Mary pulled away and held him at arm's length. “Now, let's go have a nice family dinner, okay?”

*****

When they walked in, the other's had already been seated in a corner booth, Jack in the middle with Cas and Sam on each side and two empty places at either end. Without thinking twice, Dean slid into place beside Cas and gave his knee a gentle squeeze under the table, Mary taking the spot next to Sam. 

“Hello,” said the small young woman who came to take their orders. She placed a complementary basket of chips and a dish of salsa on their table, then pulled out her notepad “ My name is Carla and I'll be your waitress thing evening. Can I start you off with something to drink? We have a special running on our Margarita's right now. Two for the price of one.”

Dean smiled at her and turned on his usual charm. “ Hey, there darlin',” he winked “how are you doing tonight?” 

Carla blushed and tucked her long, dark hair behind her ear, giggling nervously, “ I'm fine sir, what can I get you?”

“ Oh I'm great, now.” Dean smiled. “Why don't you bring us a round of your finest cervazas, and a Coke for the kid.” He paused, looking her up and down then looked over at Cas, and back to her. “ On second thought, why don't you get me and this handsome devil right here a couple of those margaritas.” He said, nodding in Cas's direction. 

She leaned over to look at Cas and rolled her eyes, her smile became plastic. “Yeah, okay.” she said shortly. “I'll be right back with those.” She jotted down their drinks, stuffed her notepad in her apron, and then she left, less perk in her step than when she arrived.

“What was that about?” Dean remarked as he watched her sulk away. “ Talk about a mood swing.”

Sam chuckled as he stuffed a chip in his mouth. “You know Dean,” he said after he swallowed. “If you wanna pick up on our waitress, you might not wanna flirt with your boyfriend right in front of her.”

“Excuse you?” Dean scoffed.

“Handsome devil?” Sam repeated.

“ I got eyes” Dean defended.

“ What?!” Sam choked.

Fuck it! Dean stretched out his arm and wrapped it around the angel and squeezed. “ What can I say Sammy, I'm a man of the people.” He looked at Cas only to be met with a look of confusion. Did he not want them to know yet, either?

Sam looked at them in shock for half a second then effortlessly shifted into botch face #5. “Save it, Dean. I know what you're doing.” He said. “ Gay chicken isn't gonna work on us.”

With that, Dean lost his nerve. He removed his arm from around Cas and scratched the back of his head. “ Can't blame a guy for tryin.” he shrugged.

“ Whatever,” Sam scoffed. “ What're you even doing ordering a drink for Cas anyway? You know alcohol doesn't affect him that easy.”

“Sam's right, Dean,” Cas added, a hint of disappointment in his eyes. “It's going to take a lot more than one drink if you wish to bed me like one of your clueless females.”

Oh, shit. Was Cas being serious? Did he just fuck something up with that little stunt? “ It's for me.” Dean grumbled. “ I'm gonna need to be buzzed if I'm gonna make it through the rest of the night with you two chuckle heads.”

Well ain't this peachy...now he just looked like an ass. Tried to come out to his family in the most casual way possible and now he pissed Cas off. He tried to keep in mind that Sam was just trying to help him, in his own way, but he couldn't help but feel a little resentful towards his brother. By the time Carla had come around to take their food orders, he was downing his second margarita, in full-blown brooding mode.

“ And what would you two like?” she asked, when it came time for Dean to order. “ How should I know?” Dean grunted “ I'm not his keeper.” He handed her the menu, without even looking at it. “Just get me a number six, will ya sweetheart?"

Cas, handed back his menu as well, fixing Dean in a stern gaze. “ I'll just have the taco platter, thank you.” 

“Alright,” she said glancing between the two men, suspiciously. “ I'll be right back with your food and a refill for you guys.”

When she left Dean, reluctantly chanced a glance in Cas's direction, who still had his eyes on Dean, eyebrow raised. “ I figured I can split my plate between you and Jack, since he loves tacos and what you ordered clearly won't be enough for you.” 

“What did I order?” Dean asked.

“ The Jr. burrito, with a side of rice.” Jack answered.

Damn! He should've been paying better attention. And damn Cas for being so thoughtful when he was being a grade A jerk. Who gave him the right? Caring son of a bitch.

When Carla returned with their refill, Dean immediately dove in. might as well numb the guilt and shame. By the time their food arrived he was seeing double. “ Can I get you folks anything else?” she asked setting down Dean minuscule plate in front of him.

“ Yes, can we get a water please.” Cas asked. “Someone over here got a little enthusiastic with his drinks.”

“Sure, thing...” she said glancing between the two of them again. She must have assumed they both drank and wasn't sure which one needed the water. “ Enjoy your meal.” 

Cas placed three tacos on Dean's plate and pushed the empty glasses aside. “You're cut off. Eat. You barely have any food on your stomach and the alcohol is taking effect.”

“ That obvious, huh?” Dean said glancing around the table, to be met with four concerned faces. “Alright, I'm eatin.” he picked up his first taco and listened while the other's engaged in conversation. When the water came, he downed that too, before finishing the rest of his food in silence. He heard the laughter and lightness in his family's voices, but all he could think about was how big of a dumbass he was being.

When Carla came back with the ticket, Sam pulled out his wallet and paid. When Dean stood up and fumbled for his keys Sam stopped him. “ Uh, no.” He chuckled. “Give me the keys, man. No way your driving. I actually want to get home alive.”

“M'fine” Dean insisted trying to swirl his key ring around his finger. Cas snatched them out of his hand and handed them over to Sam. He placed Dean's arm over his shoulder and grabbed him by the waist to help him walk. Dean hadn't even noticed he was swaying, but he was pretty sure the alcohol was only part of it. He had started to hear a faint screaming in his head. Someone pounding on the walls of his mind. The closer they got to the car the louder the noise became. He had let his guard down. He let his thoughts take over his mind, which meant Michael was free to make himself known. When he got in the car he closed his eyes, placed his hands over his head and let it fall between his knees, trying to block out the pounding. Dean opened his eyes while they were pulling out. The screaming stopped. There under the seat he saw a small patch of black and yellow fuzz. 

He pulled out the bee he had stuffed under the seat and held it in his hands with a smile. Cas. Cas took care of him when he was being an ass. Cas stood by him even when he didn't deserve it. He believed in Dean, even when he didn't believe in himself . Cas kept everything that reminded him of Dean to keep him strong. All Dean needed to keep strong was Cas. Sam would stay with him as long as he could, but he knew his brother would only be able to take so much. Mary was his mother, sure, but she had only been a part of his life for six years on and off. He couldn't expect her to take on his burdens. Jack was only a kid, who had problems of his own, but Cas....Cas forgave him every time he fucked up, even when Dean couldn't do the same. Cas always stood by his side and tried his best to fix his mistakes even when it cost him everything. Cas always tried to keep him in line, keep him safe. Dean needed his family. He loved them unconditionally, and he wouldn't be who he was without them, but he'd be even less without Cas.

He tossed the bee over his head in Cas's direction and turned to give him a weak, but hopeful smile. Cas caught it, but kept his head down, smiling at the stuffed insect instead. Dean had messed up tonight, and he knew it, but that smile was enough to tell him that he would be forgiven. He always was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I'll have everything posted ( should only be a chapter {possibly two short ones} and the epilogue) before tomorrow night. So excited for this episode! 1 month is too long to wait


	16. And if I say to you tomorrow...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean makes a big decision about his future with Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I failed in my attempt to finish this before the end of the hiatus. I'm a little dissapointed in myself but I don't have any regrets. This pairing means a lot to me because they remind me of my husband and I so, I refuse to apologise for writing about them as much as I can. 
> 
> Happy March 7th everybody! May this episode be as good as the promo made it look!
> 
> Also warning: more poorly written smut. SNS.

Dean waited in the car while everyone was pulling their things out of the trunk. He was honestly surprised that four drinks had that much of an effect on him. He was Dean Fucking Winchester Goddammit! He drank whiskey like water! Of course, he usually ate like a horse too...and those margarita glasses were huge...and tequila never really was his friend...

“Dean?” Cas's voice had snapped him out of his musings. “ Do you need some assistance getting out of the car? Or were you considering sleeping here tonight?”

Dean turned to see Cas standing with the passenger door open, arms crossed over his chest. ' Only if you carry me to bed' he thought to himself. “ No.” He shook his head and stepped out of the car. “ No, I  
m'good.” He took an unsure step forward, and nodded his head. He was at least capable of walking, even if his speech was still a little slurred. 

“This was fun!” Jack said, when they made their way into the library, hugging his guitar to his chest. “ We should do stuff like this more often. I like spending time as a family.” 

Sam gave him warm smile and placed his hand on the nephilim's shoulder. “Yeah, we should. You know, Dean and I are getting a little old to be constantly on the road, hacking away at whatever monsters we can find. Maybe it wouldn't kill us to take a few more breaks in between hunts.”

“Speak for yourself, Grandpa." Dean scoffed. "I'm in the prime of my life!" He wasn't too old to hunt. He probably would never get to the point where he would be. But when he saw the sad look on Jack's face he couldn't help himself. " Maybe you're right though, Sammy. It'd probably be good for us to take a break every once in a while. Enjoy the riches of our spoils, er, whatever." 

" Really?" Jack beamed up at Dean.

"Yeah, sure kid." Dean said ruffling his hair. " Maybe every few months or, so we can have a weekend off." He stumbled over to Jack and ruffled his hair. "Just the five of us."

Jack looked at Dean with smile, then scrunched his nose and winced. " You smell like alcohol, Dean. You should probably go to bed."

"Actually," Mary yawned "I was thinking about doing the same thing. I have a Long drive ahead of me tomorrow. I should probably get some rest." She gave each of them a hug. " Thank you boys, so much for today. I really liked getting to spend time with you. Good night." She gave a small wave, picking up her koosh ball wear she had set it on the table and disappeared down the hall towards her room. 

" Yeah, I'm still a little woozy." Dean admitted. "I think I'm gonna go lie down." He started shuffling towards the door, "I'll be in my room if anyone needs me." he added over his shoulder, hoping to get the message across to who it was meant for. 

"Guess that means it's just the three of us." Dean heard his brother say as he left the room.

 

Damn Sasquatch, didn't know when to take a hint.

*****

The time spent alone in his room was sobering to say the least. After two hours, Dean began to wonder if maybe he was wrong about Cas forgiving him. Sam couldn't possibly still be up. He knew Mary was leaving tomorrow, and he'd want to be up in time to see her. Jack expended a lot of energy today and, with all the candy Cas had been sneaking him through diner, he had to have crashed out by now. So why had Cas not come? He couldn't still be mad. Dean's done stupider things before and Cas always forgave him.

Was it about the waitress? Dean knew it was probably a dick mood to try to flirt with her in front of Cas, but he couldn't help it! It was his default setting. Or was it the way he tried to admit that they were together without even asking him first? They hadn't really talked about Cas's feelings on the subject. The focus had been on Dean. Like always. He just ignored Cas's feelings in favor of his own interests.

He could hear the pounding building back up in his head. 

Maybe it was the fact that he had chickened out of it. Just played it off like it was nothing.

The pounding grew louder. 

Just like he played off getting Cas something like it was nothing, like he was just trying to keep him from dragging every one else down. Treating him and his feelings like a burden. Again. 

He was sure the screaming would start at any moment.

" Dean!" He heard a harsh whisper from the other side of the door. it took him an embarrassingly long time to piece together that the pound had actually been someone knocking on the actual door to his room "I know you're awake. Open up."

When Dean opened the door he was greeted by the sight of Cas, in his usual get-up, holding out his borrowed clothes in a neatly folded stack. " I assumed you would want these back." Cas said quietly, his face was unreadable.

"Nah," Dean shook his head. " Keep 'em. They look better on you anyway."

Cas looked down at the clothes in his hand and nodded. " Very well." He said, then he turned around and began to leave.

Dean's arm shot out and grabbed him by the sleeve. " Cas, wait! Where are you going?"

Cas turned and looked Dean in the eyes "I am going to place these in my dresser and return to my room for the night, so you can rest."

"Cas, don't..." Dean heaved a frustrated sigh and pulled the angel back into his room, shutting the door behind him. "Cas please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry, okay? I was an ass today and I know it. Just.... please forgive me."

It was Cas's turn to sigh as he walked over and placed the clothes on a chair beside the door. " I'm not mad at you, Dean." He said, turning to face the hunter. "I'm just....I suppose I'm just not used to the realization that somethings mean more to me than they do to you."

"Cas, that's not..." Dean looked down, searching for his words, but paused when he notice the massive bulge in the pocket of the trench coat, he couldn't help but smile. " Say, Angel, is that a bee in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Cas tilted his head and his eyebrows drew together in confusion. He seemed to have a question on his lips as he followed the hunter's gaze. Upon realizing what Dean had been insinuating he straightened up and turned his body, as to hide his pocket. " I don't know what you're talking about."

Dean smirked. "Why do you have that damn bee stuffed in your coat?"

"I don't." Cas lied

"Dude, I can see the antennas sticking out." Dean laughed. " How did you even fit it in there?"

Cas dropped his head and pulled the bee out of his pocket, holding it tightly in both hands. " He wouldn't fit in my...." he paused, probably realizing he almost said something about his box he didn't know Dean already knew about. He snapped his head up and looked at Dean with a sad smile. " I couldn't find an adequate place to store him that wouldn't be on display." He frowned back down at the stuffed insect in his hands. " I wouldn't want to embarrass you."

There it was. The reason he was upset. He felt like Dean was embarrassed of him. Of what they had. He didn't want to be a secret, but he went along with it anyway, because that's what Dean wanted. Always what Dean wanted.

Dean made a decision then as he took a deep breath and walked over to the angel. He plucked the bee from Cas's hand and looked around the room. "How's about you keep it right here." Dean said, placing it on top of his dresser. He turned to Cas with a smile, only to be met with hurt and confusion storming behind those sparkling blue eyes.

"You told me that should keep gifts." Cas said. " You said I'm not supposed to return them."

"No, Cas...no." Dean said trying to ease Cas's worry. He walked back over to the angel and slid his hands underneath the trenchcoat. He pulled Cas in close and closed his eyes, resting their foreheads together. "Look, I ain't gonna pretend that this isn't all new to me. I ain't gonna pretend like the gay comments don't get under my skin. I ain't even gonna pretend like I'm not still gonna flirt with other people from time to time. I've been this way my whole life and it's not like I have an off switch, ya know?" He opened his eyes and looked into Cas's. " But I'm also not gonna pretend like not in love with you. Not anymore. I've been doing that for way too long, I see that now, even if it just dawned on me yesterday."

"Dean..." 

"Shh, just...just let me get this out, okay?" Dean interrupted. "Truth is I am getting too old for this. Not hunting or anything like that, but I'm getting too old to be messing around. God, I've let so many people walk out of my life because I've been too afraid to tell them what I really needed. I've spent so long being afraid of letting anybody get close because I didn't want to let them into my life only to lose them. Watch them run away in fear when they learn the truth about me. I didn't want my lifestyle to catch up with me and have them get caught in the cross-fire. But I don't have to do that with you. Dammit Cas, you said it yourself, you know me inside and out. You know all my baggage, you've seen my dirty laundry, you know every mistake I have made and you stay. No matter what I do, no matter who I hurt...you stay.Right here. Right by my side. And that's where I want you. I don't even care who knows it anymore."

"Dean what are you..."

" I'm not gonna hide it anymore, man." Dean held him out at arm's length so Cas could read his face. "Don't expect me to be screaming it out on the roof tops or calling everyone I know or anything like that. But I don't...I am so sick of hiding. I've been doing it my whole life. I've had to pretend to be so many different people sometimes I forget who I really am. I've been hiding my feelings, and my thoughts and whatever is going on in my head since I was four yours old. I don't wanna hide you too. Get it? Just... I promise I'm not gonna brush it off anymore. Whatever happens happens, ya know? Frankly I couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone has to say. I have so few good things actually happen to me. I'm not gonna waste this one because of some stupid hang ups."

Cas just stared at him. Dean was about to open his mouth keep rambling again, when he saw a quick flash of realisation pass over the angel's face before he crashed their lips together. " Thank you." Cas whispered against Dean's mouth when they paused for a breath. He slid his hands to the back of Dean's head and pulled him back in. Their kisses were slow and sweet. There was no heat, no rush. Just love. Each one deeper and longer than the last. 

Dean slipped his hands up to Cas's shoulders and slid his coat off, letting it drop the floor. He moved his hands to Cas's hips and began walking the angel towards the bed, never loosing contact with his lips. As soon as the back of Cas's knees hit the edge, Dean gently pushed him to a sitting position and straddled his legs. He ran his tongue across the angel's chapped lips as he began to remove his suit jacket, earning him a low moan in response. 

Cas's tongue shot out to meet Dean's, licking into his mouth as he slowly worked to remove the hunter's over shirt. Once he had succeeded he laid down across the bed, pulling Dean down with him. " I love you." Dean whispered nestling in to Cas's neck, leaving a trail of sweet kisses. 

"I know." Cas replied, tilting his head to give Dean more access.

Dean stopped and pulled his head up to see a grin across the angel's face. "Did...did you just Han Solo me?"

" Maybe " Cas said as he rolled them over to their sides. They both began laughing.

" I don't think I'll ever be used to you making references like that." Dean smiled.

"Dean" Cas said in a serious tone " I've understood pop culture almost as long as I didn't when we first met."

Oh shit! He was right. "I know it's just... I don't know, sometimes I still see you as this big, threatening, creature who doesn't understand social norms or emotions. 'Castiel: soldier of Heaven'."

"Hmm." Cas nodded thoughtfully, sliding his hand under Dean's shirt, along his side. "And other times?"

" I guess when you aren't scaring the bejesus out of me... you're just...Cas. My best friend who happens to have super powers sometimes."

"You realize that you're talking about the same person." Cas said.

"No." Dean shook his head. "There's a difference." He fiddled with the buckle on Cas's pants.

"Who am I now?" Cas whispered in his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

Dean finished with the buckle and moved his hand to undo the buttons of his shirt. " Mine" He said. He said as he shoved his down the angel's pants, grasping his cock. Cas's breath hitched, then he tore Dean's shirt up over his head and dove into his neck, sucking the flesh between his teeth. Dean let out a soft moan and tightened his grip on the angel, giving his hand a firm pump. Cas let out a growl and moved his hand to grab Dean through his jeans. Dean whines at the touch. It wasn't enough. He needed to fell Cas's skin on his. 

Cas apparently shared the same sentiment. He grabbed Dean's wrist urging him to release his girl and moved to work at Dean's button and zipper. He pushed Dean onto his back and began leaving kisses down his body, removing his pants as he went. When his head made it to the hunter's crotch, he licked the slit of Dean's dick before moving to place kisses down his inner thighs. He was moving painfully slow. By the time his head disappeared behind the bed Dean was panting. He wasn't sure how so little was affecting him so much, his only guess was because it was coming from Cas. When the Angel reappeared on the bed from the floor, he was also fully undressed. He laid back down on his and pulled Dean in close, one hand gripping the back of his head the other pulling him by the hip until their bodies were flush. He placed his lips over Dean's and moved his hand from the hunter's hip, gripping them both before swiping a thumb over the head of each of their leaking cocks and began to pump.

Dean thrust himself into Cas's hand with greedy moan which the angel swallowed as he began to passionately kiss him. As his hand moved up and down their lengths his tongue slipped into Dean's mouth, rolling them together. Every so often he would twist his wrist and suck Dean's bottom lip between his teeth. As his pace quickened, Dean found himself needing more. He began thrusting harder against the angel, hooking his leg around Cas's hip to gain more leverage. He wrapped his arms around the angel's shoulders, scrapping his nails over the blades. 

Cas stopped and drew his face away from Dean's gripping him by the hair, needing to bite his lip to keep from crying out. " Dean..." He panted, voice completely wrecked "my wings....." 

Dean quirked an eyebrow at Cas His eyes were completely blown wide with lust. " You like that, huh.?" He said as he teased his nails back over Cas's shoulders. The angel's slack jaw and glowing blue eyes were all Dean needed for answer. Cas moved like lightening as flipped Dean onto his back and sent surge of grace through his spine before pounding into him so fast Dean didn't even have time to think about how bad it should hurt. The hunter went into sensory overload. Cas had one hand over Dean's mouth, his other moving on Dean's cock in rhythm with his hips as he rolled against Dean's prostate with every brutal thrust. His teeth were grinding against the hunter's throat, trying how best to muffle the growls that escaped him. Just as Dean heard the light bulbs shatter the world went white.  
*****

When Dean came to, he found Cas standing by his desk, fully clothed replacing the light bulb in his desk lamp. "No, fair." He mumbled in his haze. "Why you dressed?"

Cas smiled as he walked back over to the bed and sat down by the hunter. "You are as well, my love." He said drawing a stray strand of hair away from Dean's face.

Dean looked down at himself and pouted when he saw that Cas had put his shirt and boxers back on. "How come?"

"I had to explain to your brother that the commotion that woke him was you having a particularly vivid nightmare that caused you to throw a pillow at your lamp." Cas said in a serious tone. "I told him not to worry, that I had the situation under control, and I was on my way to retrieve a new light bulb for you when we met in the hall. I sent him back to bed after he checked in to make sure you were okay. Not that he could see much in the dark, but the fact that you were sleeping peacefully seemed to satisfy him." Cas's eyes then moved to the hunters neck, and he reached his had out to heal him. 

Dean grabbed him by the wrist. "Don't." He said "Please. Cas, I told you I don't care who knows anymore."

Cas smiled as he wriggled his hand from Dean's grasp and sent another surge of grace through him anyway. " As much as I appreciate your enthusiasm to be honest about our relationship, I do not feel presenting it to our family in the form of flesh wounds is the best idea."

"Flesh wounds, eh?" Dean said waggling his eyebrows. "Someone got rough."

"I apologize." Cas said bashfully. "It appears that my wings are quite a sensitive area during sexual congress. I did not consider them to be a factor, due to their current broken state."

"Don't apologize." Dean laughed. "That was...fuck I don't even know the words to describe how good that was."

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself." Cas smiled.

"So much." Dean yawned. He didn't even know how long he was out, but he was definitely still exhausted.

"You should get some rest." Cas said. He placed a kiss on Dean's forehead and stood up to leave.

"Stay with me, Cas?" Dean said, sounding more like a question.

Cas turned and smiled. "I already told you, Dean. I don't plan on going anywhere soon...."

"No..." Dean interrupted "I mean here. Stay here with me. Please?" 

Cas nodded and toed off his shoes. He stripped down to his boxers and neatly placed his clothes on the desk before turning off the lamp a crawling into the bed. Dean nuzzled himself against the angel's chest and hugged him like a man-sized teddy bear. Cas wrapped him in his arms and placed another soft kiss on the top of his head. "Dean?" He said softly as the hunter began to drift off to sleep.

"Yeah, Cas?" Dean replied sleepily.

"I love you, too."

"I know." Dean huffed in a small laugh before letting himself drift away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and an epilogue before our story come to an end. Stay tuned to watch me take this beast full circle.


	17. Send me an angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean slips up and everyone learns the truth about him and the angel Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouroboros was such an amazing episode! My mind is blown.
> 
> Anyway, here's the final chapter before the epilogue. Hope I didn't disapoint....

Dean didn't want to get up. He hadn't slept so peaceful in years. Cas had held him through the night. He would give anything not to leave the comfort of the angel's embrace. Unfortunately his stomach had other ideas.

“Dean,” Cas whispered “ I know you're awake. Your stomach has been growling for an hour.”

“ I don't wanna get up.” Dean groaned, nuzzling deeper into Cas.

“ I know, “ Cas said “ but you require sustenance. Not to mention, your mother is leaving today and I would imagine she would be quite disappointed if you weren't present to see her off.”

“I don't wanna be hungry.” Dean pouted. He just wanted to stay in bed.

“And who's fault is that?” Cas teased. 

“Yours?” Dean knew it was his own fault. He let himself be distracted the whole day before and now he was suffering the consequences of too much thinking and not enough eating. “Couldn't you just zap the hunger away?”

Cas rolled his eyes and pushed Dean up “I'm not a genie, Dean. I'm not here to grant your every wish. Now get up. No one else is awake yet. We can make it safely to the kitchen without being caught. I'm sure Mary would appreciate a nice breakfast before her departure.”

“Fine.” Dean grumbled as he rolled out of the bed. “Party pooper.” 

*****

Dean pulled a pack of sausage links from the fridge and dropped them into the pan, when Sam walked into the kitchen. “Morning, Sammy!” He said cheerfully as he cracked a few eggs into a bowl. “How's it hanging?” 

“Uh, fine I guess...” Sam answered. He studied Dean's face with a look of concern. “You're in a good mood?” He said. It sounded more like a question than an observation. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Never better.” Dean gave his brother a lopsided grin as he whisked the eggs “ Why do you ask?”

Sam glanced over at Cas at the kitchen table with a question in his eyes. Cas picked up his mug, taking a sip to hide his smirk and shrugged. Sam shook his head and scoffed. “No reason, I guess.” He poured himself a cup of coffee and took the seat across from the angel, mouthing “thank you” as he sat.

Mary walked in to the kitchen, followed by Jack just as Dean was pulling the last piece of french toast from the griddle. “ Something smells delicious.” she said, giving Dean's shoulders a squeeze as she looked over his shoulder.

He piled the toast onto a plate with sausage and eggs, covering it in syrup and handed it to her. “ Figured you could use a little pick me up for your drive back.” He grinned.

“ Thank you, Dean.” she said before kissing him on the cheek and taking her plate to the table.

Dean turned around just in time to see Jack reach for the plate next to him on the counter. “Ah, no!” He said popping Jack's hand with his spatula. “ Mine. Yours is in the table. You had enough sugar yesterday.”

“I'm not a child Dean.” Jack said as he rubbed his hand. Dean just raised his eyebrow in response. Jack sulked over to the kitchen table, pouting when he saw that his toast was plain.

Dean chuckled and grabbed his plate, taking his place next to Cas. He began eating with the other's in silence, stealing glances around the table at their happy faces as they ate. “ Shoot,” He said as he looked down at the table. “ Forgot my coffee.” He started to get up but was stopped when Cas placed his hand on his shoulder.

“I'll get it.” Cas said as he got up from the table. “ I need a refill any way. Eat.” 

“ What are you doing drinking coffee, Cas?” Sam chuckled. “ You don't even need it.”

“I enjoy the routine.“ Cas responded pouring the dark liquid into two separate mugs. “Plus the molecules are quite simple, they don't taste as processed as other's.” He returned to the table placing a mug in front of Dean and taking a sip from his own.

“Thanks, babe.” Dean said placing a kiss on the angel's cheek before taking his own sip and diving back into his food. He was several bites in before he noticed that the room had gone silent. He looked up from his plate with a mouthful of eggs to see four different faces staring at him. Jack was beaming with excitement, Mary had her face scrunched up and confused, Cas looked slightly panicked and Sam's mouth was hanging open with a fork paused halfway to his mouth. “ What?” Dean said, swallowing his food. “ I got something on my face?” he wiped his hand over his mouth and looked to find it empty.

Sam cleared his throat and put his fork down “ Uh, Dean I think you might still be a little drunk from last night.” He chuckled.

“ C'mon, Sammy!” Dean scoffed. “ I had four drinks! What do you think I am, a bitch?”

Sam shook his head, still smiling down at his plate. “Well, no.... it's just...you uh....”

“ Spit it out, man." Dean barked "Why're you all looking at me like I just grew a second head?"

"Dude, you totally just kissed Cas!" Sam laughed.

'Oh, shit!' Dean thought. It was just a reflexive action. Dean didn't even think twice about it. It just happened. Fuck it. Now's a good as time as any. "So?" Dean said, a little less confident than he had hoped.

Sam's laughing stopped. Now Mary and Jack were both smiling but Sam was in shock. " So? So, you just kissed Cas and called him 'babe'! What the hell, Dean?!"

Dean just shrugged and took another bite of his food. " Never took you for the judgmental type, Sam."

"What?!" Sam gaped.

Cas nudged Dean's shoulder with a look of admonishment. " I believe what Dean is so poorly trying to get across..." he paused and looked at Sam " is that in light of recent events He and I have discovered that we have feelings for each other and have decided to explore the possibilities of a relationship."

" I knew it!" Mary smiled. " I'm so happy for you boys!"

" Thanks, mom." Dean smiled back " You kinda helped it along, so...thanks"

" Does this mean I get to call you 'Dad' now?" Jack asked excitedly.

Dean pointed his fork over at Jack and half-frowned. "Still ain't happenin' kid." He looked back over at Sam whose face was still frozen in shock. " Cat got your tongue, Sam?"

"I mean... it's just... I didn't know...like...wow...Cas are you...?" Sam sputtered.

" We ain't gay if that's what you're asking." Dean said. He put down his fork and picked up his mug. " There is such a thing as 'bisexuals', Sammy. Look it up." he took a victorious sip. Not that it mattered. Cas was a celestial being after all, but he felt proud of himself for managing to stump his brother.

Sam narrowed his eyes and slipped into a bitch face. " I know what 'bisexuals' are, Dean. I'm not stupid. Please. I've known you've had a thing for dudes ever since that whole 'Dr. Sexy' incident. I just never thought you'd actually admit to it."

Dean smirked at his brother "Wish, you woulda told me. I could gotten my head out of my ass a lot sooner and replaced it with this guy's..."

"Whoa!" Mary interrupted holding up her hands. “Too far Dean! There is a child present, you know, and I'm still your mother! We don't need to hear all that!” 

“M'not a child." Jack pouted, taking a bite of his plain toast. 

"Sorry, Jack." Mary said patting him on the shoulder. " Still, a little too much information."

"Sorry." Dean laughed turning his gaze to the angel. Cas was not amused.

" I told you last night we should try to be less crass when presenting the truth of our relationship to the family." Cas scolded.

" Sorry, Cas." Dean said. "I couldn't resist. Just look at the look on Sam's face."

Cas turned to look at Sam, his face twisted with a mix of horror and disgust. "Yes, well I'll grant you your brother has had it coming for some time. However, you could have waited to make such comments until the three of us were alone." Cas smiled back.

Dean gave him his best impression of Sam's puppy dog face "Forgive me?"

"Always." Cas replied, giving him a kiss on his forehead.

"Wait!" Sam screeched "You talked about this last night?! Like after Dean's nightmare or..."

Cas gave Dean a wink and then turned to Sam with a look of innocence. " What nightmare, Sam?"

"You said Dean was having a nightmare and threw a pillow and broke his light bulb and you...." He paused a look of realization came over his face, followed by sheer terror as he threw his hands in front of him and twisted his eyes shut as if trying to squeeze the image out of his head. " Oh. My. God! What did I hear last night!?"

Cas and Dean both started laughing as Mary pushed away from the table. " And... I think that's my cue." She said wiping her hands on her pants. 

" Oh, c'mon, mom, we're sorry." Dean said between chuckles. "You don't gotta leave just yet. We'll stop."

Mary smiled and shook her head. "No, it's not that. I really do have to be hitting the road if I want to make it back before dark. I'm gonna go get my stuff. I'll be back in to tell you all goodbye.” 

“ Alright, mom.” Dean smiled as he watched her walk out of the kitchen. She had really gotten better at being a mom to them since she came back. It was difficult for all of them at first, but Dean feel that he was finally grateful to have her back in his life. If it wasn't for their talks this last week, he may have never realized how much Cas truly cared for him. Dean was snapped out of his thoughts quickly when he heard his brother groan.

“Jesus Christ, man! Seriously. “ Sam looked like he was gonna be sick. “ That is completely unnecessary!” Dean looked back just in time to see Cas finish sliding a sausage link from Dean's plate slowly into his mouth and wink at Sam. He couldn't help but laugh at the fact that someone else was finally at the other end of Cas's relentless teasing. “ What's wrong Sammy? Can't stand to know I'm getting some and you're still the sexless wonder?”

Sam dug his the heals of his hands into his eye sockets, trying to make the rest of his face look sincere. “Don't get me wrong, man. I'm happy you two are finally together. It's been a long time coming.” He removed his hands and looked between the two of them. “ I just don't wanna know all the sordid details!”

“Oh, the details are sordid, alright.” Dean said, carding his hand into Cas's and giving it a gentle tug.

Sam squeezed his eyes back shut. “Ugh! Jerk!”

"Bitch.” Dean laughed.

“Are you going to get married now?” Jack asked, breaking up the banter.

All three of them turned to face him with equal looks of shock. “Uh, what?” Dean asked, trying to keep a steady tone.

“ Typically,” Jack said “when a couple is in love for a very long time, which I assume the two of you have been, and they don't plan on being with anyone else, they get married.” He looked between the three of them, seemingly proud of his knowledge of human culture. “Are you getting married?”

It was Dean's turn to be in shock. He tried his best to stutter out an explanation.” Uh... that's...not really...the thing is...we haven't...”

“ Alright,” Mary said, returning to the kitchen, saving Dean from making an ass of himself. “ I'm heading out now.”

Sam stood up first and walked over to Mary pulling her into a hug “Thanks for watching Jack and staying with us for a while. I love you, drive safe. I'm gonna go scrub by brain out with bleach.” He gave he a quick peck on the cheek and left. 

Jack ran over and hugged her around the waist. “ Thank you, Grandma Mary. I had a really great time with you.”

“You're welcome, Jack.” She said rubbing his back. “ I'll be back soon, okay?” Jack nodded and let go. Then Mary turned to Dean and Cas. “Boys.” she nodded with a smile. 

Cas walked over and threw his arms over her shoulders hugging her tight. “ It's always good to see you Mary. Thank you so much for everything. Drive safe.” then he released her and held her at arm's length.

“Sure thing, Castiel." She smiled. “ You take care of my son, you hear me?”

“Always.” He nodded before backing away.

Dean walked over and took her bag. “ C'mon, mom, I'll walk you out.” He turned to Cas and nodded towards Jack. “ You talk to the kid.” he said and guided his mother towards the garage.

*****

“So, you're sure you're okay with this?” Dean asked as he tossed Mary's bag into the truck. “This whole me and Cas thing?”

Mary smiled as she leaned against the truck, twirling the keys over her finger. “ I always have been, Dean.”

“It doesn't bother you?” He prodded. “Like, you're not disturbed by it, or anything.”

Mary shook her head. “Dean, we're hunters. We live in the disturbing. I have seen more of my fair share of things that will creep me out for the rest of my life. My son being hopelessly in love with someone who loves him back just as much, if not more, is not one of them.”

“Really?” Dean asked again, feeling the blush heat his face at his mother's description of him and Cas.

“ That was your father's hang-up Dean, not mine.” She assured. “I knew it the second you two saw each other. I'm Just glad you finally see it too.” 

Dean teared up as he pulled her into a tight hug. “Thank you, mom.” He choked out. “ You're pretty cool, you know that.”

“I try.” She said hugging him back. “Besides, someone has got to take care of you. I'm glad it's him. An angel is kind of a handy tool to have in your back pocket.” Dean couldn't hold back the chuckle at his Mary's unintentional innuendo. “ Oh, grow up!” she laughed stepping back and swatting him on the shoulder.

“Ow!” he laughed, rubbing the spot she hit. “ Sorry, you set yourself up for that one.” They both laughed for a while before stepping in for another brief hug. “I love you mom. Be careful, okay? Call is if you need anything and please let me know when you make it back.”

“I promise.” She said. She climbed into the cab and started the ignition before turning to her son one last time. “And Dean...take care of yourself, okay? You have people who love you. We need you safe.”

“I'll try.” He smiled.

*****

When he got back inside, he found his family cleaning up the mess from breakfast. “ Well ain't this a sight.” Dean laughed, leaning against the frame. “Cleaning up my mess for once?”

Sam shrugged, his hair still dripping from his shower. “You cooked, so why not.”

“Castiel made us do it.” Jack said, elbow deep in dish water. “ He said  
it was the least we could do after what we put you through this week.”

Dean smiled over at Cas who was drying his hands on a dish towel. He set the towel down and walked over to Dean, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him in for a small kiss. “You didn't have to do that, ya know?” Dean mumbled, ignoring the groan from Sam. “I could've taken care of it.”

“ I promised your mother I would take care of you.” Cas said. “This is me, taking care of you. I caused you a great deal of stress this past week. It's only right that I make amends for my actions.”

*cough*

“Thank you.” Dean said, pressing his forehead against the angel's. “ But, ya know if you wouldn't have started this whole mess...”

*cough cough*

“ I suppose it was time for one of my mistakes to take a turn for the better.”

“AHEM!” Sam coughed dramatically trying to get their attention.

Dean looked up at him for a moment, before looking back at Cas. “What Sam?”

“Oh, my god. It's worse now.” Sam grumbled under his breath. “Look, Jack and I are gonna finish up in here, then we're gonna head to the store and pick up some food. Can you two please go be gross somewhere else?” 

“I'm gonna go take a shower.” Dean said, ignoring Sam's comment “ Wanna join me.”

“Ugh!”

Cas smiled, took Dean by the hand and began leading him out of the kitchen. “What ever you wish....dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting an epilogue tomorrow and then we have come to the end of our journey. thank you so much for reading. I never imagined it would get this far. I hope you all enjoyed it.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's been thinking....

“So I've been thinking...” Dean said as he straightened Cas's tie. They were standing by the Impala outside the barn.

“I'm proud of you, Dean.” Cas said, the small hint of a smirk curling at the corners of his perpetually chapped lips. “That's quite the accomplishment for you.”

“Shut up!” Dean smiled, smacking Cas on the shoulder before moving to button his suit jacket. He was glad they had it tailored for this. It really showed off Cas's upper body. Especially, when it wasn't covered by that damn trench coat he loved so much. “ This is serious, okay?”

 

“My apologies.” Cas said, bowing his head to hide his, now, full-blown smile. “What have you been thinking about?”

 

Dean hooked a finger under Cas's chin to lift his head, partially, so he could look him in the eyes for what he had to say, but mostly, so he could see him smile. It was the first time in a while he had been able to truly appreciate the beauty of it. Things were rough for them for some time, after Michael was gone and Jack regained his ability to use his powers without the threat of losing his soul. Dean had a mini heart attack every time he saw the angel so much as smirk, for fear that Cas would be lost to him forever. He never imagined in his wildest dreams he would actually be glad to see Lucifer. After Cas had killed him (hopefully for the LAST time) and returned him to the Empty himself, the entity was more than willing to break off their deal. Archangel trumps seraph any day. The Empty would have him back someday, but not before his time.

“I think you and Jack should change your last names to Winchester.” He said as he ran his fingers through Cas's hair, trying his best to tame the unruly mop.

“Oh, you do?” Cas smiled swatting Dean's hands from his head, who immediately moved to fidgeting with the angel's cuffs. “ That's somewhat of a big commitment, Dean.”

“Not really.” Dean shrugged. He started pulling nervously at the bottom of Cas's jacket, making sure it sat just right. “ l mean the kid already considers himself one anyway, and it's not like you have a last name already. You're family, so it just kinda makes sense... I don't know. It's not really that big of a deal or anything...”

Dean's rambling was stopped when Cas grabbed him by the wrists. “Dean, what are you doing?” Cas asked him.

“Huh?” Dean said looking him in the eye.

Cas's eyes traveled down to his clothes the back up to meet the hunter's again. “You've been messing with my attire the entire time we've been standing here.”

Dean smiled as he reached up to brush an imaginary speck of dust from the angel's shoulder. “ It's a wedding Cas. You're supposed to look nice for weddings.”

Cas raised his eyebrow and tilted his head. “ As opposed to how I normally look?”

“I...uh...no... It's just...” Dean stammered as he tried to desperately pull his foot out of his mouth.

“Will you two hurry up?” Sam shouted from behind them. “You have plenty of time to bang it out later! We're gonna be late.”

“ Shit! “ Dean said, glancing at his watch. “He's right. You ready for this?”

“You tell me.” Cas smirked.

Dean slipped his hand around Cas's waist and pulled him towards the entrance of the barn. “ You're ready. Let's go.”

****

The large barn was decorated very simply, much to their relief. Wooden chairs, mostly filled, lined either side at the front making a small aisle down the middle. To one side at the back were A few small tables containing presents and finger foods, along with a small bar. The other side was, for the most part empty, aside from the DJ table stuffed into the corner. Simple lights we're strung along the rafters with blue and green flowers scattered around in Mason jars. Next to the door was a tiny stool containing a little black book. 

Sam walked over to place their gift with the others while Dean stopped to sign their names. “Silver pen,” Dean muttered to himself as he signed them in. “ Nice touch, Marie. Can never be too careful, I guess.” He grabbed Cas by the hand, and they quickly took their seats, just before the ceremony began.

When, the music started, Dean couldn't help but note that it was all melodic versions of classic rock ballads. He felt a swell of pride as they watched the girls walk down the aisle to the tune of his favorite songs. He glanced over at Cas to see the angel completely enthralled by the human tradition. His azure eyes twinkled with happy wonder as Siobhan took her place at the front of the crowd, adorned in her black tea-length dress, a blue and green corsage dangling from her wrist. Dean guessed he should probably be watching the ceremony, that's what they were here for after all. But he couldn't take his eyes off the angel.

Even as they stood, when Kristen appeared at the entrance, the violins of “All of My Love” swelling through the room, Dean was fixed on the way the lights framed the angles of Cas's face. The face of the man who fought for decades through hellfire to save him. The man who pieced together his broken soul. The man who gave up his family, his home, his purpose...just to stand by Dean's side. Who had risked his life just to save Dean's. The man who let himself break apart just to keep Dean together.

The angel who fixed his human, and in doing so, broke himself.

When they sat back down, Dean was still fixated on Cas. He was completely awestruck by how much he had come to love the angel. Up until that point he had ignored the ceremony completely, but then an idea stuck him. He didn't do chick flick moments. They weren't his style. He spent his entire life suppressing his feelings, pushing them down until they eventually came boiling to the surface in one form or another. But this was Cas. He had given everything to Dean, even something that the hunter was sure he would never be allowed to have. True love. Dean could give him this. 

He reached down and squeezed the angel's hand, prompting Cas to look over at him. Dean leaned into his ear and repeated the officiant's words along with Siobhan, in a whisper. “ I, Dean, pledge to be your loving friend and partner, Castiel. To talk and to listen. To trust and appreciate you; to respect and cherish your uniqueness. To support and comfort you through all of life's joys and sorrows. I promise to share hopes, thoughts and dreams as we build our lives with each other. May our lives be ever intertwined, and our love keep us together. I join my life with yours. Where ever you go, I will go: whatever you face, I will face. For good or ill, in happiness or sadness, I take you as mine and will give myself to no other. Should we be separated by death, where ever I am, I promise to wait for you.”

Dean leaned back to look at Cas. The angel's eyes were wet with tears as he grabbed Dean by the face and pressed their foreheads together. He closed his eyes and took a ragged breath as he whispered along with Kristen. “ I , Castiel, pledge to be your loving friend and partner, Dean. To talk and to listen. To trust and appreciate you; to respect and cherish your uniqueness. To support and comfort you through all of life's joys and sorrows. I promise to share hopes, thoughts and dreams as we build our lives with each other. May our lives be ever intertwined, and our love keep us together. I join my life with yours. Where ever you go, I will go: whatever you face, I will face. For good or ill, in happiness or sadness, I take you as mine and will give myself to no other. Should we be separated by death, where ever I am, I promise to wait for you.”

The crowd erupted in applause as the two girls seals their union with a kiss. The music began to play, as the happily married couple retreat back down the aisle waving to everyone as they made their way outside for pictures. Everyone began to scatter out, some to the food and bar, others to the dance floor while some went outside to watch photos being snapped.

Everyone, but the hunter and the angel, who sat unmoving, locked in each other's gaze, knowing that no matter what was going on in the world around them, they would always have each other. For now and forever, come heaven or hell. Until the end of time, there would always be Dean and Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved." -Kurt Vonnegut

**Author's Note:**

> And the journey begins. Will try to update at least once a week ( possibly twice considering how fast this thing is coming out). Kudos and comments feed the beast. Also they help me fix mistakes because I'm writing this on a phone and Chuck knows it has terrible editing software. Thank you!


End file.
